I meant to get this written sooner. It has been partially finished in my draft box for months. I haven't done it, though. I'm not really sure why. Maybe I've been avoiding it. Maybe it feels too final to finish it. Maybe it feels like my words just won't be adequate.
This is the kind of writing you really hope you don't have to do...until you're 80, maybe. But anyway, here goes.
Kyle and I weren't always friends. There was a chunk of time we were just acquaintances. Back when we were about 11-14, both of our families attended an event called "Music Night" at a local church. It was a bunch of home school families who played music, recited Scripture, put on skits etc... There was a potluck and games, too. I have lots of great memories from that time. Several which include Kyle.
Most vividly, I see him up on the stage, guitar in hand, light shining down on him. He was a small kid. The guitar seemed huge. He watched his fingers with concentration as they moved up and down the neck. I remember being in awe. I hadn't heard much classical guitar. My mom played chords for campfire songs, but I had never heard a tune plucked from guitar strings like that. It was beautiful. I remember thinking that Kyle was one of the coolest guys there was, just for that reason.
During those days, he was in some classes with my brother. Whenever we went to pick John up from class, he and his buddies would be standing around chatting. All the guys were quite a bit taller than Kyle, but he was right in there with them, laughing and having a good time. I knew Kyle was near my age and I was jealous that he got to hang out with the older guys.
Several years passed and besides being MySpace (and eventually Facebook) friends, we didn't really connect.
Somewhere along the way, Kyle's family moved to Indiana, not too far from some really good friends of our family. Through a random connection and event (Speech and Debate tournament in San Diego) I found out that he was friends with my good pal Cecily. After we made that connection, Kyle and I began the online portion of our friendship. We chatted a lot. He was funny, witty. I knew I could always count on him for a smart come-back, but it never felt disrespectful. We also had some deeper conversations about God and life. We just connected.
The summer after I graduated high school, I was planning a trip to Indiana to see my friend, Cecily. Kyle knew I was coming and wanted to meet up with us. We made plans to grab lunch. I'll be honest, I was kinda nervous. I liked Kyle a lot (not really in a "crush" sort of way...just really appreciated and admired him). We were mostly friends online where certain aspects of personality and such can be smoothed over a bit. He knew me when I was a pre-teen but times change. I remember feeling like he probably wouldn't want to be my friend after we hung out. I didn't want to ruin a good thing. But we met anyway.
I can picture Kyle on that day...still sporting the California boy motif, big grin on his face. I think we had talked about how awkward it might be. He insisted it wouldn't be, "Please stop thinking it will be weird. It won't be. we know each other really well, remember?"
I asked if we would shake hands, since we were good appropriate Christian home school kids. He said he would give me a pat on the back for being from Cali.
I don't remember specifics...but I remember it being a great time.
Kyle and I continued to chat online and on facebook and our friendship got deeper. He and I shared a passion for seeing a change in how boys were being raised into good men. He was writing a book for a while and asked if I would read over some parts and if I had any thoughts to contribute. His heart for challenging and growing other men around him was deeply admirable.
While in college, I remember talking to him one day on the phone and he said the words, "Suzy, I've been talking to the most amazing girl, and I'm gonna marry her." I remember feeling so excited for him, and so sad for myself. Not because I wanted to be with Kyle, but because I knew the nature of our friendship would change. This had been the story of my life. Be good friends with a guy (platonically), guy finds a girl to date/marry and suddenly (and rightfully), I am no longer the confidant and close friend I once was. It isn't a bad thing. It just is. And I could already tell that subtle shift in Kyle and I's friendship.
I didn't know his new girl interest. But I knew he loved her. He talked about her a LOT. He raved about her, in fact. How amazing she was, how smart and driven, how sweet she was...the whole nine yards. I had yet to meet her (though I did a bit of facebook stalking). She did look so sweet.
During my senior year in college, I returned from work and entered my dorm hall. As I was turning the corner to enter my wing, I heard the most familiar and contagious laugh and then the words, "Suzy Klotzle, is that you!?" I turned around, and there was Kyle Forti in Horton Hall at Biola University. He was with a beautiful girl and a guy I recognized from around campus. Come to find out, his girlfriend's brother attended Biola and they were visiting him. He introduced me to Hope (his gf) and Andy, her brother. Hope greeted me and said she had heard good things about me, I told her the same. I could see why Kyle was smitten. She was a lively, beautiful breath of fresh air. Whimsy and depth combined with her ever-ready smile...she was captivating.
Hope and Kyle grew their relationship, and interestingly, Kyle and I's friendship didn't completely drift apart. He still made an effort to keep in touch. He conducted himself with the utmost integrity. But it was clear that Hope trusted him, and acknowledged that he had relationships with other people that were important to him. There wasn't many a conversation where he didn't mention her, and their commitment was clear. We all met up in Pasadena another time, Kyle reaching out to make an effort to get together while they were in town. That was just how he was. Always going the extra mile for his relationships. I don't remember what we talked about when we met for ice cream. But I was again captivated by the love he had for Hope. It was a literal presence in the space with us.
In more recent years, Kyle and I had kept up mainly on Instagram, some on Facebook.. Documenting moments of our lives, and our deeper thoughts... commenting and discussing. It got to be that when he posted something thought provoking, I would respond and he would say, "I knew you would reach out, I was looking forward to your response!" We would banter, debate and discuss the weightier things of life. We encouraged each other in the parenting gig, acknowledging the need for parents to step up in meaningful and intentional ways, especially in raising boys--something we had in common.
We had most recently had conversations regarding God, death, eternity. Kyle was always seeking, adjusting, contemplating and growing his world view. He was anything but stagnate. He had a gentle and passionate way of addressing things that both pulled people in and challenged them. Never did he present his point of view with disrespect. Swearing and name-calling in anger was out of the question. Character. Humility. Respect. Integrity. All words that come to mind when thinking of Kyle.
When I got the text from my brother asking if it was true that Kyle had been in an accident and died, I got a panicky feeling. He said he read something about it on one of his pilot forums and figured I would've heard. I hadn't. That moment-and the following days when I searched every possible detail I could find- are so vivid and raw in my memory. The disbelief. The grief. The denial. The searching for a loophole, a mistake in reporting. A pit in my stomach and knot in my throat that still show up unexpectedly. The noticeable absence from my newsfeeds. The ache for his sweet Hope, their son and unborn baby. I was grieving for my own loss but it felt strange. I mean, I wasn't involved in his every day life like many of his friends were. I felt like I knew him, but we missed out on pieces of who each other were. We had a history of friendship, but I knew he was kind and friendly to lots of people, why would I think I was anything special? It was a challenging few months to even know how to grieve.
Shortly after the accident, I was thinking of ways I could reach out to Hope. Not sure what to say. Her and I didn't have much friendship, besides the occasional comment here or there on social media...just a mutual love and care for Kyle. What do you say to one so deep in grief and so surrounded by tangible community? Then I got a message from her. Asking for my address. It was shocking. She didn't say why. But a few days later, I got a card in the mail. It was from Kyle. He had written it, likely around Christmas time, but never sent it. The note was simple, encouraging and extended gratitude for our friendship. I will never be more thankful for those words...the final message I have from Kyle. But I will forever cherish our friendship. I am so deeply sad that the world won't get more of him--he was doing amazing things. But that is the great thing about legacy...it can continue on, especially through the stories and memories of those who knew and loved him.
If you made it this far, thank you for reading. I have needed to write this for a while and couldn't quite get it done. But here it is...my written remembrance of him. I am grateful I had the opportunity to know him while he was on this earth. I am excited to see how his wife and children and friends and family continue to honor his memory, hard work and passion with the amazing work they are doing in Colorado with their non-profit organization Foster Together. Some pretty amazing things come up when you Google his name ;)
With sadness at the absence, but a smile for the memories...
Au revoir...or as Kyle would say...Cheers!
