Toby: The Birth Story

I know, I know...it is the post you have all been waiting for.  Well my two little boys are napping, my one big boy (Ben) is scooping snow and taking out trash, and I happen to have a few minutes to sit down and type this thing out.  Again, I share this story not only for those of you who love birth stories (can I see a show of hands?) but also because it is easier to type this for my own recollection than to write it in a journal.  And so without further ado, here's the story!   And it is long and kinda detailed. so my apologies...kind of. =)  If this kind of thing is too much for you, feel free to skip it and scroll to the bottom for pictures ;)

My mom arrived five days before the due date.  We jumped right in to grocery shopping (major Costco run!), and running errands to get things ready.  My mom is a motivator when it comes to getting babies out.  We walked all the aisles of Target (I'm not even exaggerating.  We maybe missed a few, but seriously, we walked the whole store).  We did squats, lunges and all other manner of extra movement.  We also did this at Hobby Lobby and the conservatory. 

Tuesday 2/27-Due date:  I had an appointment at 11 am to see the midwife and check progress and get a membrane sweep.  The appointment revealed that I was about 3-4 cm dilated (what!?) and she was optimistic that the membrane sweep would be successful in kickstarting labor.  For those of you who don't know, the membrane sweep is where they separate the amniotic sac from the cervix in hopes of producing a hormone that will start labor, as well as generally irritating the uterus (not sure if that last one is true, but it should be...since that is precisely what happened). 

I had some crazy cramping almost immediately after the appointment and by 2 pm, I was timing contractions.  They were regular at about 3-4 minutes apart and lasting 30-40 seconds.  This went on for....

...wait for it...

...FIVE HOURS...

All through dinner.  Through sitting, standing, laying, bouncing on the ball...they persisted.  I called the midwife and let her know that while they weren't crazy strong, they were persistent so tonight could be the night.  We packed bags, shipped Asher off to Grandma and Grandpas and decided to rest a little before things got crazy. 

Wednesday 2/28-7 am:  I woke up.  After having slept the whole night.  I had this sinking feeling like, "Wait, I'm still here?!  WHY AM I LAYING IN BED WITH ZERO DISCOMFORT RIGHT NOW!?" 

Everything had stopped.  And try as I may to feel any twinge or any cramp, there just wasn't anything, really.  Ben decided to stay home just in case.  We went out for breakfast.  I was willing it to happen. But it didn't.

Let me take a minute to let you in on my inner-most feelings at this point.  Well, they were outer-most too because I don't do a good job of hiding my feelings, lets be honest. 

I was SO discouraged.  I knew this baby would come eventually and I had done really well not being too impatient in the weeks leading up to this.  But for some reason, being past my due date as well as having such seemingly clear signs of labor starting, left me really frustrated. 

I doubted if I would know when I went into labor.  When should I call the midwife?  I felt so dumb for having a false alarm like that.  I was embarrassed to tell everyone it was a false alarm.  I was feeling guilty for Ben staying home when he could have been productive at work.  I was pretty much a mess.

Went walking with my mom, got lunch at the mall, and nothing happened.

I really needed a re-set.  Ben read me an excerpt from a book that he is reading about meeting God in our place of need.  That when we need Him, and really acknowledge we need him, that we can't do it ourselves and we have really no control...that is when he meets us, sustains us and brings us through whatever circumstance led us to acknowledging our utter need for Him.  It was timely.  I decided to just let go.

Thursday 3/1-  I woke up feeling much better.  Ben went to work.  I had plans for the day.  I was going to do some last minute decorating in the boys' room, I was going to get Asher from my in-laws and have some good play time with him.  Mom and I were going to run an errand or two...maybe squeeze in some light exercise. 

Then during breakfast (brunch, more like it...10:30 or so), I was sitting on the couch and felt a cramping and tightening.  It was familiar. But I kind of tuned it out because I wasn't getting my hopes up again.  It started to make my stomach feel gross so I stopped eating and just sat on the couch, chatting with my mom and mentally trying to keep my thoughts from going crazy. 

I decided to time a few of these contractions.  They were sporadic, ranging from 3-7 minutes apart and lasting anywhere from 25-60 seconds.  They were more uncomfortable than on Tuesday, but not unbearable.  I felt much more pressure down below, but it wasn't too crazy.  I laid down, they stopped for 10 minutes then picked back up in a some-what steady rhythm.  I got up and bounced on the ball and they stopped, then picked back up.  I was so confused.  I had no idea if this was the real thing or not.  I was really struggling to decide if I should call the midwife and Ben or if I should wait.  Around 12:30 or 1 I finally decided to tell Ben to head home.   Nothing had really gotten worse or more intense, but I knew I would relax more if he were here, just in case things picked up.

Asher had come home for a nap to give my MIL a chance to do some things, and so we were kind of waiting until he woke up to make any decisions.  I called the midwife around 12:30 as well and told her this could be it but I wasn't sure...and to just give her a heads up...again. 

Ben came home, Asher woke up, we took him to a friend's house since my MIL was still busy.  I told Mom and Ben that I just wanted to go to the birth center because I was pretty sure I would feel much more calm if I were there.  And if I absolutely was not in labor, then they could send me home (we live less than a mile from the birth center so it wasn't a far trek).  The midwife said they would check me to see if I was any more dilated and we could go from there.

My mom made a comment about how technically we could be home in time to sleep in our own beds tonight...  The birth center only keeps you 4-6 hours after birth.  I chuckled and said I would have to have a baby within the first hour or two of getting there so I wasn't getting my hopes up.

Around 4:45, we pulled into the parking lot.  The midwife and the student midwife who was assisting met us and took us into the clinic room for a doppler listen and a dilation check.  I had a really light contraction while laying there (the midwife had to ask if I was having one, that is how light it was).  She said she wanted to listen to his heartbeat through another contraction.  We waited....and waited...2 minutes, 3 minutes...still no contraction.  I was embarrassed.  She said, "So were they this far apart at home?"  Me *sheepishly*, "Yeah, mostly."   Finally after about 5 or 6 minutes one started.  And it was fairly strong, so that made me happy.  All the sudden there was a loud "WHOOSH" we heard on the doppler.  My mom and Ben and the other midwife were in the room chatting and immediately stopped their conversation because it was so startling.  I felt my water break and gush all over the exam table.  I believe my words were, "Well that just happened..."  The contraction continued and got waaaay more uncomfortable. 

It hit me all the sudden that this was labor.  And I had forgotten that it was a bit more painful than I remembered...but I was ready.  We were going to do this.  Hopefully across the birth center in my room, in the tub.   They said they weren't going to do the dilation check since my water broke so we never did find out how dilated I was.

*Side note: Ben said it was really cool to see my stomach during the contraction right when water broke, because he could see the outline of the baby on my stomach really clearly.  My view from laying down wasn't quite as cool. 

Anyway, I was excited because this was it...we were having a baby tonight!  I was all ready to hunker down and labor for a few more hours.

They helped me to the birth room, and I tried to find a comfortable laboring position while they filled the tub.  I had two contractions on the ball, and it wasn't really doing it for me...so I moved to the bed in an effort to find a better position.  I had two excruciating contractions while on my hands and knees. Ben was talking me through them, rubbing my back.  The contractions were so much more painful than I remember with Asher.  I honestly wasn't sure I could do it...my body felt like it was being ripped in two.  I tried so hard to relax and I couldn't do it.  The midwife kept telling me to relax my toes, because apparently I was curling them so tightly against the pain.  I was super scared because there was almost no way I could do this for a few more hours.   (Little did I know that THIS was transition and not just active labor.) 

I laid on my back and started saying I couldn't do this.  I was losing control and didn't know how to stop it.  My mom and Ben were on either side reassuring me that I could do it.  The midwives were getting things ready and together and apparently exchanging looks and comments that I was unaware of...trying to gauge where I was at.  After a long contraction, my body started pushing.  I remember thinking, "Wait, don't I get a break?" and "What is happening, I'm not even ready to push...I'm not even doing this?!"  I yelped that the baby was coming and I had to push NOW.  I also said I really wanted to get in the tub and GET MY WATER BIRTH! 

They helped me from the bed where I had another contraction while standing.  I was a little panicky and said that I thought he was coming RIGHT NOW.   My mom said, "It's okay, you can have the baby here, we'll get him."  I emphatically said no, and went as quickly as I could to get into the tub, with their help of course.  Just as I was getting into the water, I had another contraction and his head was out.  They all told me to GET UNDER THE WATER.  My legs were in the most uncomfortable position, so I tried to get into a sitting position while staying under water so the air didn't touch the baby's face so he wouldn't take a breath.  Then there was nothing.  It felt like FOREVER until the next contraction.  I sat there thinking, "Now my body decides to give me a break? I just want this baby out!"  They were telling me to reach down and feel his head and I could hardly focus enough to do that. Next contraction he was out and in seconds he was on my chest. 

It was the most surreal feeling.  45 minutes since we had pulled in at the birth center and he was here.  Everything I had pictured about laboring at the birth center, getting into the tub to experience labor in water, working hard through the hours of pain...None of it happened that way.  As it was I barely made it in the water.  The midwife later said that she was surprised at how determined I was to hold the baby in so I could get in the water. 

Tobiah Jacob was absolutely perfect when he came out.  He cried a little bit but not near as much as Asher did. I credit being in the warm water with Toby. 

Stats: 7 lbs, 15 oz- 21 inches long. Born at 5:26 pm

Recovery has been immeasurably better than with Asher.  I could hardly stand and walk to the bathroom after his birth.  And for Toby, I was up and able to go to the bathroom within 15-20 minutes.  I have much more energy and my body isn't near as sore as with Asher.  

Basically the whole thing was so opposite, I am fairly certain I don't have a "typical" birth.  The only semi-consistent thing about them is I am a slooooow laborer in the early stages of labor.  And nothing gets too crazy until my water breaks (with both boys).  

We are finding our new normal routine.  Toby sleeps pretty good at night (giving me four hour stretches of sleep).  He is up to 9.1 lbs and is already 22.5 inches (99th %tile for height!)  He feeds like a champ and is overall a really mellow baby.  I'm really thankful for this, as Asher is a little feisty these days and is taking a little more of the mental and physical energy.  Also grateful that Asher loves Toby and wants to always check in on him first thing in the morning and make sure to take inventory of his "cute fingers and toes...they're so tiny!"  

Okay, I'm done rambling. here are some pictures! 

Minutes after he was born.  Could hardly believe he was here! 

Fresh new baby!  

He makes the best faces =)

Grandma and Mimi helping introduce Asher to Toby! 

He was SO excited. Really, best first interaction I could have hoped for. 

It's a little blurry but I love this smile...

Strange face...but captured a few cute dimples!

Snapchat that my mom took as she was leaving for the airport!  So strange to see myself with two babies!  (Ha, notice the lineup of diapers on the railing.)

Learning to balance my time with Toby and this sweet boy. 

People often ask if Asher and Toby look alike.  They have some similarities, and you can tell they are brothers, but I think they look pretty different overall...Here are some comparison pictures.  Toby on the left, Asher on the right. 

If you have read to the end, you deserve a hug. And kudos.  

au revoir!