House Hunters

No, I'm not referring to the TLC show (although it sure is fun to watch)--I am in fact referring to Ben and I's journey to find a house.  I figure it is about time to update my blog-reading populous, so I'm going to do just that.  

For a little bit of history:  Back in August of 2015, we signed another year lease at our little duplex near Lake Como.  Our landlord had mentioned in passing that he was ready to get out of the property management game and sell the house.  It seemed far off...until 3 days after Asher was born.  He brought us a bottle of wine, congratulated us and said, "Oh, by the way, I'm putting the house on the market, I'll be in touch about showings and such."  

And just like that we were thrust into a situation that was not ideal.  Through several conversations with the realtor, we were given the impression that it was 98% sure we would get to stay in the duplex under new ownership.  Unfortunately, there was a reason he couldn't guarantee 100%.  New owner wanted to live in our unit of the duplex.  We got the call early December that we had to be out early January.  Forced to think about the next step in our future many months before we had planned to think about it...we moved in with Ben's parents to catch our breath.  Fast forward 5 1/2 months, and here we are.  

Through much--and I mean MUCH--thought and prayer and thought and prayer, we have finally headed in a direction.  But before I get ahead of myself...

The past 5 months have not been easy for me (and not so easy for Ben either).  We were hoping that some direction would feel more right than another...and it just wasn't becoming as clear as we had hoped.  We had two paths we were considering...and they went in opposite directions.  Literally.  

Either stay in Minnesota for the forseeable future...

Or pack up and move to California (we've got lots of friends out there)  --Hawk Nelson Reference anyone?

They both held pros and cons...pretty much equal pros and cons, to me.  However, I have held in my heart the desire and hope that I would get to raise my kids in California.  To be near my parents as they live the best years of their life.  To be around my brothers, the mountains, beach and all the things about Los Angeles that I hold so dear.  

But I also knew leaving here would be really hard for me.  I have a life here.  Friends, favorite places, 4 years worth of significant history.  It is where I met and fell in love with Ben.  It is where I met my beloved TBS friends who have been such an encouragement to me.  It is where my first baby was born.  Even writing this, I'm tearing up, because this place is significant.  

Being honest here, Ben and I ran into some tough things along this journey.  Based on some other situations and experiences we've had, he was pretty sure that I only wanted to move to CA, and that deep down I didn't want to stay here.  A year or two ago, that might have been true, but I actually can call this place home now.  

We had passionate discussions, shed tears and really trudged through some hard territory both in our relationship, as well as personally.

I should insert here that we chose to stay in Minnesota.  We finally realized that God wasn't giving us clear direction because neither was a wrong choice.  Both had positives and both would require sacrifice.  So we went out on a limb and started the process of looking for a house to buy, realizing that at any point, God could redirect us.  We knew there was a lesson in this for us...and sacred waiting was one of those lessons (more on that in another post...).

Ugh...this is hard for me, guys.  I have tried putting into words the war in my heart that takes place on a regular basis.  How can I want two things so much...two opposite things.  How do you grieve a loss of something you are giving up, while being really excited for what you are embracing.  Poor Ben, it's been a rollercoaster...One minute I'm crying because my heart is breaking...and the next I'm sending him a million Zillow listings of house options, excitedly singing the praises of each.  

It is hard to let the sad be sad, while letting the happy be happy.  I'm still not sure I have the balance.  To add on to that, I have both sides of my life, the MN side and CA side giving reactions to the news and I feel lost in the wasteland between them.  People try to express both but the reality is, anyone who is close to me/us has feelings too.  Feelings of excitement and relief that we are staying.  Feelings of sadness and loss because we are staying.  

Ha.  Even as I wrote that, I thought, "Wow Suzy, you sure are assuming a lot..."  And maybe that is true.  Maybe people are truly less impacted by this decision than I think they are.  Maybe I am just so impacted by it that I assume it affects others too.  I don't know.  In any case, I often feel alone and totally confused by my feelings.  

Ben has been really supportive and sweet...but he even admitted the other night that he doesn't fully understand my feelings. Part of that is, he just plain isn't as sentimental as I am. 

Anyway... *brushes away tears flowing down cheeks and takes a deep breath*

Here we are!  Minnesota will be home for right now (notice how I still have to add on the "right now?"  I can't fully let go of someday calling CA home again).  

So we began house hunting.  It started with meeting with a loan banker to see if we even could buy a house.  Turns out, one of the exciting things about Minnesota is that we CAN buy a house, where we wouldn't be able to in CA.  Our banker recommended a realtor to us.  We had no idea how much God was making our paths straight with that casual, "If you don't find a realtor, here is a card of a lady I've worked with before...she is great."  

Great is an understatement.  Rochelle has been fantastic.  She was surprised at how young we were...she said Ben sounded so mature on the phone.  She worked quickly and efficiently to get us showings at some houses we were interested in.  She was honest with us, picked up quickly on our likes and dislikes, kept a positive and professional attitude and made the process easy to understand and fun!  

Our first house was a bust.  We loved it so much.  Through conversation we realized the neighborhood wasn't the safest.  Growing up in LA, I have a pretty high tolerance for what is sketchy so it didn't really bother me...Ben was a bit more practical thinking of raising kids there.   However, 45 minutes after we left the showing, there was a gang-involved shooting 3-4 blocks away from the house at a busy intersection.  5 people were injured, and one was killed.  Ben and I took that as a pretty clear sign that while the house was perfect, the neighborhood just didn't feel like a place we were ready to raise Asher. 

We sent Rochelle links to other houses we liked, and by the time she could contact the other agent to book a showing, the houses had pending offers on them...we are talking in the span of one day.  It was a little disheartening.  

Second house that got a showing wasn't particularly high on our list of favorite listings.  The pictures and description caught our attention, but we were going just to go, not necessarily because we saw it is as our home.  

When we walked inside though, we were charmed.  Pictures online are often taken from vantage points and with lenses that really are deceptive.  Often when you see a house in real life, it can be disappointing to find that the reality is much less desireable than it seemed online.  And though the house WAS different than was portrayed online, it was still pleasantly surprising to see it.  As we walked through, our realtor was pointing out all of the things that matched our "wish list."  Things like hardwood floors, gas stove, fenced in yard, big garage.  We talked about the potential of putting a third bedroom in the basement.  Of making the basement 1/2 bath a full bath.  How our furniture would fit...and we could both see it.  Another feature that drew us was the fact that the house had much of the original 1923 features from when it was built.  Windows and doors that were in fantastic working condition, original floors, wide baseboards and trim that hadn't been painted over, a like-new original ice box built into the wall off the kitchen.  

We left there and went to another house...but by the time we finished that showing, we knew.  This was our house.  It was small, it wasn't perfect, but we fell in love.  We were reminded of a quote, "Home is where the spirit feels at rest."  Both Ben and I agreed when we left there, that our spirits felt at rest.  

Fast forward a few weeks.  We got loan approval, our offer was accepted and yesterday our inspection was completed.  Lord willing, we will close on June 10th, and we will be real homeowners!  

It is totally surreal and neither of us can hardly believe it.  Yesterday at the inspection was the first time we had been in the home since the showing.  Things were different than we remembered.  Some of our dreaming and plans weren't as realistic as we originally thought.  As we walked around though, I asked Ben if this was still it.  He looked at me with a smile and said, "Yep.  And I want to move in like, tomorrow."    

We will keep you posted with pictures and such as we get settled in next month.  Thanks for reading along...sorry it got long.  I couldn't just tell you about the house without expressing some of the journey we've had getting here.  It is an important piece.  And it will always be an integral part of the story of how we bought our first home.  

Why is it integral?  Because God wanted us to learn something.  He was teaching us that waiting means being in his presence and serving him...not just twiddling our thumbs until he gives us a desired outcome.  He was teaching us that sometimes he doesn't give clear direction.  It is up to us to step out in faith, holding his hand and trusting that he will guide us along the way.  He was teaching us to let go of things we were holding on to tightly.  He was teaching us that we are a team and our personal dreams and desires are not worth sacrificing relationship with the other.  And he is still teaching us to hold on loosely, because as we know from past experience, anything can happen...especially when you least expect it.  

What we know for sure?  He is faithful and good.  All the time.  

Amen.