Five Years.

January 16th.  It may seem like an arbitrary date to most.  This year it happens to be Martin Luther King, Jr. Day.  

And it also marks five years since I left California to move to Minnesota.  My facebook feed popped up with some of my statuses over the years on this day.  Apparently even before I moved, this day marked the last day at one of my former jobs.  Actually my first "real" job.  I cried. 

As I scrolled through the memories of the day I left, and a few posts in the following years, I cried some more.  I can hardly believe it has been five years.  It feels like yesterday.  But so much has happened. 

I went from being in my early twenties to being in my late twenties.  

I got a dog.

I got married.  

I have moved all of my life's belongings 7 times.  (except for the books I left in CA in boxes in my parents' garage...sorry mom and dad!  I'll get them sometime!)

I have had 5 jobs.  

I have had 1 baby. 

I'm a homeowner. 

I/we own two vehicles.

I've made many friends.  

I've survived temperatures I had never felt before in my life. 

I have learned many things and deepened my relationship with God. 

These are all good things.  The things I have to focus on, because Satan likes to remind me of all the things I've lost or missed out on and why I should feel sorry for myself.  

I have missed out on a lot.  And I've "lost" many things along the way.  

I've struggled to figure out who I am now.  Kind of wading in the in between of two people.  Struggling to feel at home anywhere.  Not sure who to be.  

But those aren't bad things.  I'm not a lesser person because of all the changes.  It reminds me of a song someone shared with me back when I had graduated high school and missed those days so bad.  

"I've been painting pictures of Egypt, 

leaving out what it lacks.  

The future feels so hard 

and I want to go back.  

But the places that used to fit me cannot hold the things I've learned.  

Those roads were closed off to me when my back was turned."  

(sara groves)

This song echoes often in my mind when I feel this desperate need to go back to the "good old days."  And yet I'm not who I was.  I wouldn't fit there.  I've learned too much.  Grown too much.  

And no better reminder of that than when I read through old journals.  

Then I'm super grateful I'm not back there. 

Because I am blessed.  I don't say that lightly.  I truly do feel the hand and blessing of God in my life.  Unexpected turns that were just what I needed.  Provision that came in ways that I might have missed--I HAVE missed--due to moping or pouting. The gentle ways He has drawn me back to Himself when I venture off onto my own path.  

I've found myself challenged in so many ways.  Spiritually, emotionally, intellectually, socially, physically...All the -allys...really.  

This year started out rough for us.  Sickness, routine changes with Asher, homeowner and unexpected grown up bills that have challenged us financially, bitter cold which is like death to my soul...

It hasn't been the kind of year which makes me shout, "YES!  This has been the BEST FIVE YEARS EVER!!!!" 

So I won't shout it.  Nor will I put four exclamation points after it. 

I'm just not feeling it right now.  And that is okay, I think.   

But it has been a fantastic five years.  Overall.  If I look at all the ups and downs, the downs really don't compare to the joys I've experienced.  

And even though I said I would go back to California, and that is looking like less and less of a possibility...I know that my story isn't over yet.  I know that things that feel final can change in the blink of an eye.  And I have come to know that placing my trust in Someone who is a rock, unshakable in the storms, is the only way to make it.  

Here are some pictures of the last few weeks!  

our cozy little house with twinkly lights and the first snow dusting of the year!  

The toilet has become a fascinating place for this one.  He now goes to it, slightly lifts the lid and says, "Yuck, Yuck!" and shuts the lid again.  At least I know he is listening!  

This was at the beginning of the plane ride to california.  We may or may not have lost our smiles on the way there.  Too much stimulation for this one year old to calm down and sleep! 

While in CA, I was looking through old pictures and this one stood out!  A lot of people have asked where Asher gets his light hair.  Well...apparently the genes traveled through me!  And my eyes as a little girl look more similar to his too!  

A fun part about Mimi and Papa's house is they turn happy music on their Sonos speakers and have a little "dance party."  Which mainly includes clapping, kiddos dancing and playing all the fun percussion instruments they've collected over the years!  This is a shot of Asher mid dance and Papa mid clap! 

Feeding them together worked well.  Line 'em up, feed them, give the food that one doesn't eat to the others.  

Morning snuggles with Mimi and cousins are the best!  

We stayed in our jammies a lot of the day, because what else are vacations for! =)

Christmas Day picture!  

I inadvertently packed coordinating outfits!  But I'll pretend that I totally thought through it all and made very good clothing choices. 

Traditional picture of Mimi, Papa and the grands!  My, how big they are getting!

(L-R: Aeslyn, Ender, Asher, Emery, Tommy, Karlina and Reese)

One of the highlights from the trip was getting together with the two other families we home schooled with.  The Coxes, Byers and our family lived really close to each other and our moms were good friends.  Between the three of them and their various giftings, we got a very well-rounded education.  not only that, but having access to that much wisdom, advice, love, hugs and friendship...it really makes for a good childhood.  And adulthood for that matter.  Grateful our moms are still friends, and that we can pick up where we left off, even though scattered all around the country!  

Asher received such a fun sweater from some family friends!  While a little big for him right now, we are excited for him to grow into it, as it is a fun nod to our Scandinavian-esque surroundings! 

Celebrated Ben's 30th birthday!  We had a surprise staycation earlier in December, complete with activities and a food tour.  But this was the family celebration.  He got 30 boxes of cereal!  (His favorite breakfast food...well...one of them.  He LOVES breakfast!)  

Well, I'm going to try and blog weekly.  here's to good intentions, eh? 

au revoir