Influences

Boss.  Manager.  Supervisor. 

Whatever the title is, this person can really influence and shape a work place experience.  I have had some real interesting ones.  

There was Jennifer.  She was my first real boss.  We got along great...and she always seemed more like a friend than my boss.  

Joseph told me, "You're only here as a favor to my buddy Mike (a former manager), so I hope you are as good as he says you are."  He also made fun of how hairy my arms were, "Suzy, you have more arm hair than all my Mexican cooks combined..."  I think we were friends, though.  

Dan wanted marriage advice, and it seemed like every shift we worked together ended up becoming a therapy session. 

Daniel had a motorcycle, which I rode once or twice.  

Arnold seemed tough on the outside, but was soft and gooey on the inside.  Though he rarely smiled or handed out praise, he did say I was the best intern he ever had. 

B told me I wasn't being sociable enough with my guests and needed to show more of a dynamic personality. 

Mike said some inappropriate things, so I went to his supervisor.  And then didn't get the training for a promotion I was promised. 

Jennifer (a different one), taught me more about Special Ed and working with troubled kids than almost all of my education.  And we are still friends, so that's a plus.  

Then there was Andrew.  I think about him a lot.  He impacted me more than I think he will ever realize.  And we only worked together for about three months.  

He was one of two people to interview me for the teenage group home position.  I remember that interview because he said it was funny that I was the only person who didn't give "running" as my preferred way to destress.  

The staff of Xavier House got really close really quick.  And Andrew was always present to answer our questions.  And if he wasn't at the house when we needed him, he would come over.  It was obvious he not only cared about his job, but cared about his staff and clients.  We would spend hours in the kitchen of the house talking through hypotheticals and situations that would arise with our client.  He was a little awkward.  But in a funny nerdy way.  His sense of humor was dry, but often quite funny.  Tough stuff didn't get him down.  He wasn't a complainer.  He had to work many shifts when we were short staffed.  He often encouraged us to not complain as well...but gave us space to talk through frustrations.  He empathized with the hard stuff, and enjoyed the fun stuff.  He was practical and thorough, but always up for a good time and spontenaity.  

The day I decided to give my notice and leave, I asked if I could talk to him.  We both knew what was coming.  Neither of us wanted to have the conversation.  I had never quit a job before like this.  It was taking it's toll on me, emotionally and physically.  And unfortunately the higher ups (above even Andrew) were making aspects of the job very difficult to carry out.  He knew why this was happening.  

We went to the unit next to our side of the duplex.  It was empty, so we sat on the floor, backs up against the wall.  I didn't know where to start.  His face said he didn't want me to start.  

When I got it all out, he looked at me and nodded his head (nodding was a classic Andrew response any time he was confronted with unpleasant news and was formulating his words.) He said, "Is there anything I can do to get you to stay?  If I transfer you to another house?  I really don't want to lose you."  

I told him I was done.  That I always knew this level of mental health care was not really my area of expertise and I needed to find something new.  

He nodded his head again.  Then said, "Well I want you to put me down as a reference.  Then when anyone calls, I can tell them that you were one of the best staff we had.  That you came to work every day ready to go, and hit it out of the park every time."  

It made me want to cry...I did cry later.  I have had a lot of supervisors give me praise and compliments and say what an asset I was.  But this time was different.  

I had felt like I failed at this job.  I had never quit because a job got to me.  I had never given up.  I had to swallow my pride and admit that I wasn't that good at this.  I felt like I let my team down...and that I let Andrew down.  I was one of the first three hires for the position, and they were having trouble hiring and keeping people.  I knew they were scrambling for people to cover shifts.  And yet he still said that.

He didn't need to.  He could have just shook my hand and said the usual business stuff.   I suppose it was possible he was making it up.  Maybe that is what he says to all the people who give their notice. It seemed like he meant it, though.  And in any case, it was what I needed to hear.  And honestly, his words echo in my head a lot...especially when I am feeling like I have failed or have little to offer.  

Last night, he randomly showed up in my dream.  It was totally random and even in my dream, caught me off guard.  Not too much was said, then he left. But I woke up thinking about him and those words came back to me.  

Andrew, I doubt you will ever read this, but thank you.  Not only for being the kind of supervisor that was respectable, but for caring about the people in your job.  Not just for putting aside your own comfort to do your job well, but investing in your staff to help us be the best we could be.  And most of all, thank you for saying those few, impactful words to me.  They were simple.  But they were what I needed.  I was able to leave the job with my head held tall.  Knowing I made a hard decision, but the right one.  And most of all, I knew I wasn't a failure.  

**If you are a boss or supervisor...never underestimate the impact you are having or could have on your employees.  Leadership is a role that shouldn't be taken lightly and can do a lot to help shape a person.