I AM

"When you live in the past,
with its mistakes and regrets,
it is hard.
I am not there.
My name is not - I WAS.

When you live in the future,
with its problems and fears,
it is hard.
I am not there.
My name is not - I WILL BE.

When you live in this moment,
It is not hard.
I am here.
My name is I AM."

Helen Mallicoat
[Thanks A. Heidi for the inspiration =) ]

Wow...this got me. again. because I sort of had a meltdown today. The closest thing to a panic attack that I think I've ever experienced. And I have no idea where it came from. All of the sudden all the little unknown pieces about my life came crashing down around me. And I didn't trust the
Great "I AM"

We are doing a Bible Study right now in my church on the book of Ruth. This past week we really focused in on the character of Naomi, Ruth's mother-in-law. When Naomi's husband and two sons died, she said that the Lord's hand was against her and he was dealing bitterly with her. True, God had allowed these things to happen to her. But what she didn't realize is that her present was not unbearable with God as "I AM"

In fact, he had this plan that would have probably blown her mind if she had known it. Not only would she be ok as far as her basic needs being taken care of...but she would also be the orchestrator for the marriage from which the line of Jesus would come. WHAT?! going from a woman who re-named herself the Hebrew word for "bitterness" to match-making the ancestors of Christ. Doesn't sound like God's hand was against her there, does it. But she never could have seen that due to her clouded view in the midst of her heartbreak and trial.

Unlike Naomi, I want to have a good perspective of God. I want to be able to trust that he knows what he's doing. I don't want to ever say, "Wow, I'd die if that happened to me." Because I won't die. My life will not be over. I have a God who I can trust. Who knows the WHOLE story. Whose hand is in all of this mess we call life. Nothing goes unnoticed. Nothing is a mistake. There is no "Plan B." This is pretty encouraging to me, when I feel like I'm overwhelmed and I won't make it through.

the prayer on my heart as I am unsure of how to proceed and feel choked by the overwhelming emotion of the moment is this:

Father, I want to know you... as "I AM." There is no greater, all-encompassing title than that. Thank you for being trustworthy and for holding my present in your fully capable hands. Forgive me for my times of doubting, when I feel suffocated by the hardships of this world or when i'm weighed down by the past or distracted by the future. All of Satan's attacks and the brokenness of his world and ridiculous mind games will never be able to outweigh or overrule the protection and plan that you have in my life. I want to know you here. I want to trust you here. Mold my perspective that I might be able to see more clearly.

(disclaimer: Naomi is an amazing woman of faith, don't get me wrong at all...but there is a valuable lesson to be learned from her journey.)