H8R

There is this new reality show being advertised everywhere, it is called "H8R." From what I gather, it is a show where real people in Los Angeles have utter disdain and hatred for a certain celebrity (it changes every week). It is taped and shown to the celebrity who then faces their unsuspecting hater and spends the day with them trying to change their opinion. The clips they show of what the haters say actually caused me to do a mental double take. they were spiteful, condescending, ignorant and just plain rude. It was snap judgments based on what they saw in tabloids or saw on the news. The host comes on the trailer later and says that people will speak bad about a person when it is online, or a youtube video or in print, but when it comes to facing the person it can be more challenging.

i agree.

and it got me thinking.

Being born separated from God and with a propensity to sin, we are selfish, jealous, envious, manipulative, ungrateful people. Don't say that hasn't described you at one point. I know I have most definitely had those moments where I wish I looked different, or had a different job, or was jealous of a friend's relationship or any number of things. I deal with my insecurities by lashing out (normally not verbally, but inside me) at other people and I highlight their weaknesses
(which just happen to be the same as mine).

How can I do this so adeptly? Well when you live with a weakness for long enough (some of mine span most of my 22 years), you tend to get to know it pretty well. And you can spot it a mile away. And what you disdain about it in your own life transfers into disdain for where you see it in others' lives too.

One commentary on the show (yes, I do my research before writing the blog ;) said it is about "misdirected animosity." (do i need an in-text citation for this? or an annotated bibliography? eh...nah, i wrote enough of those in school. it wasn't my phrase, that's all you need to know!)

anyway, back on topic. misdirected animosity. such a fascinating concept. I remember meeting someone years ago who seemed bitter about life. nothing made her happy, she complained constantly, people were always rude to her (or so she claimed), and she always got the short end of the stick (or so she claimed). Her jokes and teasing weren't funny because they were obviously being directed and influenced by something going on in her life. (through my time knowing her i found out what they were and it made sense)

It made me sad because it betrayed the hurt and brokenness of her heart and the self-disdain she possessed. It is challenging to spend time with someone like that who insists on putting all of these negative things on you (especially when you are of an age where you're still trying to figure out your own insecurities.) But I decided to invest in this girl, press on even though she was determined not to be happy with anyone or anything. It was a challenge, but it didn't bring me down.

Only God knows the results of those encounters I had with her, but for me personally it was a huge lesson. because most of the time I can keep it all inside of me...and no one would ever know that I do the same exact thing. but eventually something will slip out and will be spiteful, and rude and betray the toxic yuck that is beginning to eat away at me inside.
(that sounds harsh and intense and i'm sure you're thinking it doesn't have to be that bad. but it does. because it is a problem that is worse than you or I realize. and while we might be saved and followers of Christ, we are not exempt from the potential effects. Satan will use whatever he can.)

whenever I feel disdain for someone, I am learning to immediately look inside me and see where it is coming from. If I'm open for listening, the Holy Spirit prompts me and says, "Suzy...you're annoyed and frustrated with that girl because she has an amazing boyfriend and a steady job and all her life seems to be falling into place. But you don't hate her. in fact, you love her. it is in those areas of your life that you create "deficiency" and then take it out on her. Your life isn't deficient because you don't have an amazing boyfriend or a steady job. your life is full because you have Me and all the amazing things i've given you."

or when I see someone who keeps making the same mistake over again and it is obviously messing with their life and WHY WON'T THEY JUST GET IT! He gently whispers to me again,

"Oh sweet girl...we just went through this. you feel frustrated with yourself because YOU don't always learn your lesson the first time. or the second time. and you wish you'd just get it. But I have grace for you. Because I know that your heart is to change and grow. And you have no idea if that person has a heart to change and grow and has just succumbed to a weakness like you have time after time. But i love them and have grace for them too. So YOU have grace...for yourself first and then for them."

So I guess this is just encouragement for myself as much as for you. Because I still struggle with this whole "misplaced animosity" thing. And it is wrong. dead wrong. If God, the Almighty creator and King of the Universe, majestic and perfect, can have grace for these people (AND me) then I should at least make an effort.
So much of my time and energy has been wasted on being annoyed with or disdaining people. And it is a very tell-tale sign of the condition of my heart. So I can claim to be the most devout follower of Christ, but my words about others will determine that.

"The good man out of the good treasure of his heart brings forth what is good. and the evil man out of the evil treasure brings forth what is evil; for his mouth speaks from that which fills his heart."
(luke 6:45)