roller coaster.

Ah Life...It is a roller coaster.  

Up and down.  Upside down.  Twists and turns.  Unpredictable.  But then you get off and say, "LET'S DO THAT AGAIN!"  

or maybe your head is spinning and all you want to do is find a bench and put your head between your knees. 

Either is fine, and normal I suppose.  

I have been enjoying life, for the most part.  And God is so faithful to give me little reminders of how he is near and how much he loves me.  Just last night I had an amazing conversation with a client.  He trusted me with questions and musings about his future.  He asked my advice on various topics. When we were finished, he thanked me for taking the time to talk through some things and then shook my hand.  As I walked back to the office, I was almost bursting.  I was struck by the hope he had.  I was confident in that moment that no matter how far he had slipped in his life, God could bring this man back and he could live a fulfilling, meaningful life.  Granted, I'm sure we'll run into obstacles in the days to come.  There will be steps backward...but I got a glimpse of what is possible.  So I spent the next few minutes in the office praying for him and the other guys I work with.  Asking God to continue this work he has started.  and asking for strength and words to be used as a vessel by the Spirit to impact these lives I have been placed in. 

Aside from work life, married life is the thing that takes the most time, energy and also one of the best encouragements for me during my job craziness.  Ben has been SUCH a huge blessing for me.  We are such a good team.  Whether it comes to venting about our days, cooking/cleaning up dinner, taking care of the dog, planning our time off...we just mesh really well.  I am grateful.  Don't get me wrong, we're still learning the intricacies of being totally different people living life together.  And that has its ups and downs for sure.  But I have found that even when I'm having a tough time with something that has come up between us, the only place I want to be is with him.  And after we work through it, it is just one more layer of experiences and growth in the mural of our relationship. 

(wow, that actually sounded poetic!)

I think my favorite thing about Ben right now is that he prays with me.  Quite often.  And he asks me to pray.  It has been a really good thing, whether we are praising God together, or imploring him for strength at a time when we don't know what else to do.

never underestimate the power of praying with your spouse, significant other, close friend or family member.  Just making an effort to approach God together.  It strengthens your relationship with God, and that person.

Alrighty now!  pictures!

This is a picture that my brother took using his camera timer.  The kidlets were in bed, but I think it turned out pretty good of us adultos! 

Our dishwashing dog.  don't worry folks, she's just the pre-rinse cycle.  we thoroughly wash and disinfect them. We just don't have a garbage disposal and it is easier to have her eat all the gunk than it is to rinse in the sink and have to pick that disgusting gob of who-knows-what out of your sink drain.  Strange textures, even stranger smells... *shudder* I can't even think about it without getting grossed out. 

First SNOW!  I realized today that when I downloaded my pictures, I was still putting them in the "Fall '13" file.  Well, I guess its about time to change that to "Winter 13."  I think I am still in denial.  Like, "Oh, today is pretty chilly...but it's just today...it'll warm up."  And I keep telling myself that until it actually does warm up.  Which will probably be in 5 months.  it will be a long period of denial.  I may need some help...

Yeah, this was last week...and it has gotten colder since.  *sigh* 

WANNA COME VISIT ME!? 

Miss living in St. Paul...miss sights like the St. Peter Cathedral.  So beautiful and regal. 

beautiful architecture. 

So all of the leaves on our front tree decided to wait to drop its leaves about 2 weeks after all the other leaves on other trees dropped off.  Then it decided to drop them all at once.  So we waded through inches of leaves for a few days until Ben had some time to rake.  I let him do it because he says it is therapeutic.  Same with shoveling snow, apparently.  

The pile after we raked.  it was seriously a lot of leaves. 

So here in MN people put their leaves/yard waste in these large 3 foot tall paper bags that stand up and you set them out on your curb (or in your alley) and the garbage men come and pick them up.  This is a strange concept to me.  Correct me if I'm wrong, CA people, but I don't think we used those kind of bags ever...?

Last Sunday was Ben's first orchestra performance for the season with Mississippi Valley Orchestra! 

we had front row seats.  Next to him is Allison, a girl from church here in Minneapolis.  Her brother Adrian was playing cello on the other side of the room.  

Busy playing something amazing by Mozart 

He's so handsome. =)  

I love him. 

Ok, I don't know why I waited so long to make this:  Chicken Tortilla Casserole.  (Ben has come up with lots of other fun names for it that include words like: hot dish, bake)

Yes, we did eat over half of it...just the two of us...

And in case you were wondering, the dog is fine and well.   She generally spends dinner time laying on the floor, sitting right by our knee hoping some food falls (or I slip her something) and occasionally emitting a high pitched whine to let us know she's still there.  

This is her alert and beggy face. 

At this moment, she is in the corner of our room "burying" her new cow bone under a bean bag.  burying when there is no dirt entails digging at the carpet, placing the bone in a far corner and nudging the object (clothing or beanbag or pillow) over the bone for several minutes until she feels satisfied that it is hidden adequately.  She may come back for it five minutes later.  it may be several days...but she always knows where to find it.  Often we don't even see her do it, and we'll be folding laundry and find her bone in the bottom of the basket, where she buried it earlier that day. 

This picture is for my dad, brothers and anyone else who has worked at Interior Services who may read my blog.  

We were having a vertical blind problem at the house I work at.  I knew as soon as I saw them that they needed those little clips that go on the top to repair the tear so they'll hang.  Well one of my clients got the brilliant idea to use duct tape and then cut a little hole in them.  And what do you know, it worked!  I thought I'd pass it along in case you are repairing verticals. The duct tape hides nicely behind the valance too...so it remains aesthetically pleasing! (those are called valances, right Dad?)

Thanks to my an awesome Aunt/Cousin team, I received a crockpot for a shower gift!  

The other night I used it for the first time.  Ben's mom is the queen of crock-pot meals and she gave me a recipe for Chicken tortilla soup.  it was WONDERFUL.  I halved the recipe cuz I didnt' have enough of one ingredient.  but we may have "fought" over the leftovers because there was only enough for one of us to take to work.  

it was super delicious.  So thanks to the gifters, the recipe sharer, and the husband who ate it with me!

I'll leave you with this thought.  

I probably won't update before going to Mexico for Thanksgiving.  

YES! after missing last year, I'm going again...and taking Ben!  I'm sooo excited!

But I encourage you to really think about what you're thankful and then not take it for granted.  I'm not saying that black friday shopping is wrong, or ungodly...but it does make you wonder where people's priorities are...and if they are genuinely thankful for things they already have..  This is addressed as much to me as anyone else. 

Blessings!

Can I be with you?

Today is my day off. When all is said and done, I will have worked 6 days this week.  I am exhausted.  It isn't the work so much as it is the lengthy shifts.  I worked yesterday 9am-10pm.  Granted two of those hours were training, but still...that is a LONG day.  For those of you who asked, I'll tell you a little bit about my job.  As a disclaimer, HIPAA keeps me from sharing many details...so if you wonder if I'm being purposefully vague, the answer is yes.  

This job is unlike any I've ever done.  Which is both exciting and terrifying.  I have never worked with people who have mental illness or TBIs (Traumatic Brain Injuries).  And I have never worked with adults.  When I was interviewed and offered the job, they told me the adolescent program wasn't opening up quite yet and that they were going to place me in an adult foster home in the mean time.  He said, "If you can't work with adults, you won't be able to work with kids."  

Inside, I was protesting, "Umm....definitely NOT the case.  I would much rather handle kids than adults."

But I have to say that as stretching as this assignment has been, I have learned a lot.  

knowing how independent some of our residents are (spending 3-6 hours of alone time in the community doing whatever they want), it makes me wonder how many people walking around me have backgrounds and diagnoses like my residents.  

As a quick synopsis, I work in a residential home with 4 residents.  There are 2-3 staff there all day, and 1 staff overnight.  We are there as support, medication administers, we teach them life skills, encourage positive and healthy lifestyle choices and de-escalate individuals who may have manic episodes, anxiety or any other number of behaviors.  Our vision at O.R. (the company I work for) is to be able to provide a rehabilitative team approach to working with these residents.  The belief is that they CAN get better and learn to be assimilated back into the community for independent living.  

But this can take years.  and there are some who probably will never live out of Adult Foster care.  

But I am grateful to be working for a company that is actually invested in the lives of these adults...and eventually children, with the program I'm going in to.  

But oh, my heart hurts when I see these people.  Working day in and day out with individuals who cannot function in "normal, everyday life" (whatever that is.)  They swing constantly on a pendulum of making goals and working to achieve them, and then getting angry, anxious, depressed etc... and taking it out on us as staff or their housemates and doing behaviors that can cause major or minor setbacks.  

Yesterday we were doing training and going over our philosophy as a company.  Our trainer focused on the importance of trying not to look too big-picture.  If we come to work every day hoping to see significant progress toward their end goal, we will leave disappointed and ultimately burn out.  He said if we can narrow our view to just today, we will see more progress and victories.  Comparing our residents to how they were two years ago, we'll see the progress they've made and that this actually is working. 

So I cling to little victories.  Residents that help each other out with their daily chores, without being asked because they know how tired their roommate is.  Giving their evening earned incentive of $0.50 to a roommate because he didn't have quite enough money to go to the Halloween dance.  An unexpected "Thank you, Suzy" from the resident who rarely shows manners.  The resident who walked me through administering his meds on my first day of passing them solo.  The resident who was yelled at by his roommate for something he didn't do came back later and apologized to the guy who yelled at him for any misunderstanding and gave him a rock from his rock collection as a peace offering.

These are the moments that give me hope.

These are the moments I send a little "Thanks" up to God for reminding me that there is hope and that he did in fact create these bodies and minds just the way they are and he loves them. 

So I pray for these guys.  It keeps me sane.  Because I'm only human and I get frustrated.  I get weary of always being on guard... watching what I say, anticipating and putting out fires, not letting my emotions show on my face.  My heart may be pounding and I may be freaking out inside...but I can't let them see that.

 So honestly, there are days I want to throw up my hands and walk out.  But I stay. 

Because God loves the broken ones. 

and if I'm being honest with myself, I am broken too...

Fall pictures! 

Trees losing leaves. 

Trees with leaves of different brilliant colors!  

love this view. 

Trees who have lost ALL their leaves.

sky through the trees. 

me walking through the trees.

tall and glorious trees.  

Trees and the sunset.

Fall was really beautiful this year...and altogether too short.  

We just had our first snow on Tuesday. 

Crazy part is...I was enamored by it all over again.  Until I realized that it won't melt and go back to 70 degrees.  It will stay...melt...freeze...snow again...and the cycle will continue.  

Now I get to tack on an extra 10 minutes to my commute because it truly is a jungle out there. 

I'm going to leave you with the lyrics to one of my favorite songs right now.  I listen to this song on my way to work almost every morning:

Everybody, each and all, we're gonna die eventually. 

 It's no more or less our fault than it is our destiny.

So now Lord I come to you, asking only for your grace.

You know what I've put myself through, all those empty dreams I chased.

So when my body lies in the ruins of the lies that nearly ruined me

would you pick up the pieces that were pure and true 

and breathe your life into them, and set them free. 

and when you start this world over again from scratch, 

will you make me anew out of the stuff that lasts

stuff that's purer than gold, is clearer than glass will ever be.

Can I be with you?

And everybody, all and each from the day that we are born

we have to learn to walk beneath those mercies by which we're drawn

And now we wrestle in the dark with these angels that we can't see

We will move on, although through the scars...Oh Lord, move inside me.

And when you blast this cosmos to kingdom come, 

when those jagged edged mountains I love are gone, 

when the sky is crossed with the tears of a thousand falling suns 

as they crash into the sea, then can I be with you?

(Be with you: rich mullins)

link to song

peace.

p.s. i'm changing my domain name:  it will no longer be suzyklotzle.blogspot.com

it is now:

mrsdill.blogspot.com