Silence is Golden: October 2015

Two and a half weeks in to this whole parenting thing, and I still can't believe this is my new reality. Honestly, it has been really good and I am really blessed. Of course it is not without its challenges, but I don't feel overwhelmed [yet] and for that I am grateful.

So, some updates...

Asher: Oh this sweet, beautiful, perfectly made little boy. He has stolen our hearts so completely. He just had his 2-week doctor's visit and everything looks really good! He is up about a pound above his birth weight, which is super great. He is average on height/weight ratio and length and head circumferance. His cord stump fell off on Friday and the little wound left behind is healing well. Overall, we have a strong, healthy, growing boy and we praise God for that!

Common questions we get include his sleeping habits. Again, not without its challenges, but not overwhelming either. He naps a ton during the day, with little 30-45 minute awake periods sprinkled throughout. So Ben and I desired and prayed for a little boy who loved to snuggle. And that prayer was answered. This boy so loves being in our arms and held close, that it is making sleeping at night a bit tricky. If he is in a deep enough sleep, he will sleep in his little bassinet for several hours at a time. Otherwise, he just wants to be near us. His all-time favorite is to lay on Ben's chest...it calms him pretty much instantly [super adorable, by the way]. Sometimes the only way for all of us to get sleep is for Asher to sleep on Ben's chest. Somehow, Ben is able to sleep that way, semi-propped up, for a few hours between feedings. Basically every night is a little different, and we are figuring it out.

He eats great (obviously gaining weight) and poops on the regular...so all of those systems are working right. And when he isn't snoozing, he is gazing all around him, taking in the world with his serious gaze.

Me: I am doing really well too, all things considered. Aside from some random weeping spells (sometimes the sunset is too pretty, I miss my parents, the baby is beautiful, showers feel amazing and my husband is so sweet...all tear-inducing situations, of course), I haven't really experienced the post-baby blues. I have been really intentional about getting out of the house several days a week, even if its just for a walk around the neighborhood. That definitely helps. I am sort of in a waiting period for my body to get back to "normal." I am still experiencing some of the effects from my marathon of pushing and only recently have my back and shoulder muscles gotten to a point of not aching and burning every waking [and sleeping] moment.

Us: I'll admit one of my biggest fears was how this would affect Ben and I. We had a good thing going, and I so didn't want to lose it. And while we have had to make some adjustments, it hasn't been too terrible yet. We have acknowledged that it is easy for Asher to become the center of our world, and we have to be intentional about not letting our priorities get too out of whack. Last night there was a showing for our house (our landlord is selling the duplex...long story), and so we took the opportunity to have a little date night. Asher slept pretty much the whole time, and so we were able to have conversation, laughs, hand-holding and it felt really good to reconnect again.

We took a trip to IL this past weekend for Ben's cousin's wedding. Asher slept pretty much the whole way there and back, with the exception of a few feeding times along the way. The time there was enjoyable and not stressful at all. We loved seeing extended family and having them meet Asher for the first time...especially Ben's grandpa Warren, who inspired Asher's middle name.

I find myself turning to the Father with a thankful heart many times during my day. we have been so incredibly blessed each step of this journey. Sometimes it is hard to soak up these good moments, because it almost seems too good. I keep waiting for something really difficult or devastating to happen. I have to be purposeful about accepting the gift of the present and rely on grace for the future. I know the road won't always be smooth...that is life in a broken world. But I do know who holds tomorrow, and I know my child (and I) can face uncertain days because He lives.

Here are some moments from the past week or so.

Dog introductions went well. Sierra sniffed him, licked his hand and head a few times and then pretty much left him alone. As you can see in this picture, she seems

pretty nonchalant. Her indifference was also fueled by pouting because she saw she had been replaced as Queen Bee.

But even though she pretends she doesn't care, she will still position herself in protective places while he is sleeping or crying.

Ben wrote me this super sweet note on our whiteboard. love him.

Gave our little guy a faux-hawk. I mean, he has the hair, might as well have some fun with it!

He has got great sleeping facial expressions.

Asher meeting his cousins Maria, Hanna and Eva. They were so sweet with him.

Great-Grandma Dolores and Great-Grandpa Warren

Ben's Great-Aunt Joanne.

One of his favorite sleeping positions. cute little monkey-bum =)

His awake stare. Just looking at everything and taking it all in. Also done very seriously...

well that is all for an update. He is feeding right now and it so happens I only have one hand available which makes typing difficult...so I shall sign off for now!!

Well here we are, already a week postpartum and I realized the story has yet to be told. I love reading birth stories and so I am going to share mine. I apologize if there is too little or too much detail. Can't please 'em all ;) But be warned it is lengthy.

Saturday 10/3: Woke up about 6:30 to realize that my water had broken...or so I thought. There was no major gush, and in fact it just seemed to trickle annoyingly all morning. The doctor had said to call if my water broke, and so I did. Of course they told me to come in right away. I didn't particularly want to, since my goal had been to labor at home as long as possible, and I wasn't even having contractions at this point. So Ben and I decided to be rebels and ignore the advice and stayed home.

*side note* My mom had come the Tuesday before. We had been trying everything to get this baby to come, because the last thin we wanted was for her to have to go home before he was born! Leading up to Saturday, I had tried bouncing on an exercise ball, clary sage essential oil, accupressure points on my ankles, walking, spicy food...and aside from a few twinges, nothing happened.

Back to Saturday. We layed low that day, eating, relaxing, playing Skip-bo, talking and we took a few walks. Early labor contractions started at some point, but were about 10-15 minutes apart and lasted about 30 seconds and weren't that intense. Ben and Mumzy can tell you, I did not feel like walking, even though they were convinced it would help speed things up. Sure I wanted the baby to come, but physical activity was not sounding like the way I wanted it to happen. As it turns out, that is what pushed me over the edge.

Around 6:30 pm, Ben took Sierra up to a friends house who was going to keep her for a while. While he was gone, my mom convinced me to take another walk around the cemetery. We were commenting on the contrast of the impending new life in the presence of so many who had died. While slightly macabre, it is a beautiful and peaceful place...perfect for labor walking =) Contractions sped up quite a bit from 10 minutes to about 2-3 minutes apart and lasting a little longer, and were a bit more noticeable. When Ben got back, we packed up and went to the hospital, which was about 30 minutes away.

By about 8:30-9, I was checked into my room, confirmed my water had sprung a leak, I was dilated 5 cm and contractions were pretty regular, though not unbearable. Now I just had to wait for the doctor to come break my water the rest of the way.

At 10:30 or so, the doctor finally came in and broke my water. And then the real action got started. We realized then that had we come in earlier and had them break my water then, we probably would have had a baby much sooner than we actually did. Oh well...live and learn.

Right away, Ben and I got to put into practice all of the techniques for med-free pain management that we had gone over and over. For the most part it all worked. Every contraction, I just zoned out, concentrated hard, relaxed and kept my breathing steady. I didn't anticipate how much a deep gutteral moan would help during exhaling, but it did. At one point I got in the tub with jets and it felt so good. But the doctor wanted the baby monitered every half hour or so which meant getting out of the tub (their portable waterproof moniter wasn't working so well). And getting out of a tub, drying off, getting to the bed and getting the monitering started was really difficult when stopped by several contractions along the way. Finally I decided the tub just wasn't worth the back and forth. My next favorite (if you can call any part of labor a favorite) position was on the birthing ball. In between contractions I would bounce, and when one came on, I would put my arms around Ben's neck (he was on a stool opposite me) and hang my weight on him. Super tiring for him, but really helpful for me. Something about the bouncing helped my body when I couldn't just lay and relax anymore.

Around 2 am, I finally felt ready to push. Unbeknownst to us, Bambino was face up and was not in a very good position for coming out quickly. That led to three hours of pushing. THREE. HOURS. PUSHING. Definitely the most challenging thing I've done. In addition to being incredibly tired (kept dozing off between contractions), my muscles and body were so not ready for the intensity that was contained in those three hours. But I did it anyway. And somehow my body mustered up the energy. It wasn't until the last hour or so that I had some serious self-doubt. I kept telling them I couldn't do it, and I wasn't strong enough, and I was so tired and JUST GET THIS BABY OUT OF ME!!! At one point, his heart rate leaped up to 190 and they were worried he was in distress. They almost had to use suction to get him out, but when I heard that, I gave all my last bit of energy into pushing and he came out a few contractions later.

Oh the sweet relief of feeling his slippery body enter this world and be placed on my chest. The adrenaline took over and the chaos of the nurses and doctors fussing over me and the baby made for quite a welcoming party. I remember hearing the doctor say, "Check and make sure he is actually a boy." And I may or may not have slightly panicked that we might have a girl after all the prep for a boy. But there he was, in all his glory...totally boy. My mom asked his name, Ben and I looked at each other and said, "Asher Warren." There was laughter, tears, and a very shaky me stroking my baby's cheek as he lay there screaming with the fresh breath of new life.

His stats were:

7 lbs, 11 oz.

21 inches long

healthy, with no complications.

The rest really is details. Birthing the placenta was miserable. The Uterine massage (or rather torture) every 15 minutes was terrible. But I had my baby. Ben was so exhausted that he passed out sleeping. My mom went home to sleep and I was there in the bed dozing on and off, holding tightly to my now-sleeping baby.

Feeding went really smoothly from the get-go. He latched on after a few tries and after a little bit of a learning curve, we got a good system down. After a few sleepless nights in the hospital (he kept coughing up amniotic fluid and then choking and gagging on it, which is not a fun sound when you are drifting off to sleep), we finally were cleared to go home. Of course there are lots of other fun things about the hospital stay...but I shan't bore you with the details.

A few shoutouts:

Nurse Kathy--We were her only patients that night...and she was so attentive, respectful, sweet and motivational. She didn't bother us at all except for the intermittent monitering she did every so often. She chatted with my mom which was actually a helpful distraction between contractions for me. When I apologized for being a pill because I was so disheartened during the pushing, she said I was amazing and not a pill at all. Basically she was awesome.

Mumzy--It was such an honor to have my mom there. She was an integral part of the team and really made it a doable experience. From fetching ice water, heat packs, rubbing my legs and arms and propping me up during pushing, to the encouraging words, asking questions I didn't think of, and not letting me give up...it was such a blessing having her there. I have had to go through a lot of significant events in my life without my mom there recently and so it was comforting to have her presence at one of the most important events. Her and Ben meshed well and made for a really smooth team.

Ben--I couldn't have done it without him. Seriously, the most amazing birth coach and partner ever. He held my hands, stroked my hair (which i love), read me scripture, kept me hydrated, reminded me that the pain was good and meant things were doing what they were supposed to. He stayed present with me even though he was exhausted. He was calm when I was on the borderline of losing my control. He didn't try to fix it...because there was nothing to fix. He was just there for me. He laughed and cried with me as we welcomed our son into the world. I will forever savor those moments because we had faced and accomplished an incredible feat together, and were finally face-to-face with the fruits of our labor. It will be an ebenezer in our relationship, marking a really sacred time for us.

This was my team. In addition to those present, were all the friends and family who were praying and cheering us on. We are so blessed to not only have such a strong support network, but also have an incredible community to welcome our son into.

Ok...now on to pictures!!

This was the day before...I went to goodwill with my mom, and while I was in the dressing room, realized how popped my belly looked.

Saturday morning, I decided to straighten my hair while having mild contractions.

Who knows why...

Still smiling...obviously things hadn't started getting super intense yet.

So I had a plan to wear my own clothes during labor, but their gowns were SO comfortable (albeit hideous), that I just went with that.

Here we are just a few short hours later...the position that helped the most.

Just moments after he was born. You can see he had quite the conehead due to being in the birth canal for THREE HOURS. poor guy. Went back to normal by the next day.