the reality of life.

Sometimes I feel like all my posts lately are surfacy update posts.  Pictures, captions...general things.  And sometimes it doesn't feel like a fair representation of my life.  I mean, sure, those pictures and captions are part of my life...but there's more than that.  So here are some thoughts i've had over the past few days.  Disjointed, unedited, unorganized...but they are real. 

You may have noticed a few times in my last few posts some mention of the cold weather, etc.  And I am thankful that my sweet husband, who reads all of these posts, is so understanding of this struggle for me and doesn't ever tell me to "just get over it."  

But...

i experienced a moment the other night that made me realize that I actually may have a favorite piece about winter.  I was driving down Hiawatha (a large road/highway by our house) in my *warm* truck.  Snow and slush crunched and swirled around the tires while little flurries whimsically floated around outside.   Headlights and brake lights blinked and winked as we slowly made our way toward downtown Minneapolis.  Up ahead, the high rises with the occasionally illuminated offices loomed like spotted beacons.  Steam rose from the manholes and drains by the side of the road, adding a smoke-machine effect and making this moment seem like it came straight from a movie.  I had soft music playing in the background...and in that moment, I loved winter.  And I wanted to drive forever.   

but you want to hear the honest truth?  I'm afraid that if I like any aspect of winter, I'll lose some part of me that is, in my heart of hearts, a California girl.   I already feel like I am losing the ability to legitimately call myself a Californian.  And yet, I don't feel like a true Minnesotan.  

and if i'm neither...then who will I be?

 I'm afraid to be too content.  Maybe God will have me stay here forever if I actually can say I enjoy it pieces of it.  Maybe he'll forget how much I love California...and maybe I will too.

 I know that's not how God works.  I know it is silly to care so much about where I live and to identify so strongly with it.  I know that in a time of Skype, snapchat, texting, phone calls and airplanes, it really shouldn't be this difficult.

 but it is still a real, even if misguided, fear of mine.

I want to be rid of it.

I want to be where God has called me, not look back and not look forward (in a discontent way).

There is something about "downtown" that I love so much.  It is so....city.  and i am such a city girl.  The moments are often when I thank God for allowing me to live in a city...even one as deathly cold as this one.  

I thank him that the man I married also loves the city.

There is something about knowing that so many things are happening all around...even if I am merely an onlooker and not really a part of them. 

There is something about lights at night...so many lights. glinting, winking, shining...somehow it speaks to a place deep inside me and says, "this is where you were meant to be...among the lights, the people."

Oh the people.  God has been teaching me so many lessons about the people.  Difficult people.  Or should I put that in quotes?  Are they really difficult?  Or does my personality just rub the wrong way with theirs.  God made them the way they are, right?  And because of the fall, not everyone gets along hunky-dory.  But who's fault is it? 

Recently I have decided that it is better to expend the energy in making an effort to connect with "difficult" people than it is to be continually put-off by them.  Somehow being constantly annoyed at people just makes me more miserable.  And honestly, since I've made the effort to get to know these people, they are much more pleasant to be around.  Do I agree with all their work/life practices?  Not necessarily.  Are they egotistical, self-centered and lazy?  Probably...but then again, so am I sometimes. 

And they are real people.  Created in God's image.  With stories, families, backgrounds, messes, growth and everything else that I have too.  

But I must confess something.  When another friend or coworker that i naturally get along with well starts complaining about said difficult people...I tend to commiserate and compare notes and...well...complain too.

Maybe I just don't want them knowing that I actually don't mind the difficult person.  

Maybe I want their approval...as if disliking the same person makes me a worthwhile friend.
Maybe I just want them to feel like they can trust me and open up and that I can understand what they are feeling.

I DON'T KNOW!  

All I know is that sometimes I feel two-faced.  Or hypocritical.  

I asked God for the grace to accept these difficult people.  To see them as he sees them.  And he actually gave it to me. (I shouldn't be surprised at that...)

But then here I am, being all middle-school and talking behind someone's back.

*sigh* 

I suppose this means I'm still a work in progress.

If you have any advice, or wisdom, or can relate in any way...feel free to let me know. 

Well there are some of my other thoughts.   Sorry if it was too much.  But these are probably things I'd tell you if we were sitting around sipping coffee, catching up...things I have little time for these days.

And if you were wondering how you could pray for me? these are two good places to start. 

=)

Thanks for hearing me out...even if I don't know you that well. 

  

Whopper

This is a whopper of a post. because it is all about Thanksgiving...which is a whopper of an event.  

For those of you who don't know, every year for the past 8 years, my family has gone to a mission/church in Magdalena, MX on a work team.  But what started as just a work team to build things quickly turned into a grand feast that the team cooks for everyone at the mission PLUS as many of the townspeople that show up. it is quite an event.  Last year I wasn't able to go because of work...but this year I took Ben, and it was so great to share this awesome tradition with him!

First things first. 

The other Sunday, I had to work a 14 hour day. it was not my favorite.  But the sunrise and worship music on the way there set my heart on the right track for the day. 

Flying into Phoenix was ALMOST as good as flying into LA.  I miss me some city lights.  The twin cities have lights, but it really doesn't compare. 

We landed at around 11 pm, slept for a few hours and woke up at 3:30 to leave for Mexico! We were tired, but roadtripped with some great people! 

Cafe Sed!  I love this place. 

two beautiful cousins of mine: Bethany and Amanda

Ben working hard (or hardly working?).  Joining a work team halfway through the week is a little tough. Not really enough time to find your groove and place in the team before the week comes to an end. 

The team was doing some work on little apartments on the CVE campus.

me and cousin Tyler

visiting Ben at the worksite. 

Katie checking the sweet potato casseroles.  

stirring and taste-testing the gravy.  There was another large pot just like that. 

one of the many pans of mashed potatoes. 

beautiful Sonoran sunset. 

beautiful girls, ready to serve!

Mumzy Jody handing out rolls with strawberry jam to the team before the dinner started. 

My mom and her faithful helper, Louisa

Waiting for the action.

a table full of servers getting last minute instructions. 

they are ready to go!

Lots more helpers!

My beautiful, sweet parents.  Love them!

This lady from the town made a beautifully decorated cake!  Good thing too, because we would have run out of desserts!

Three of my favorite guys!  so glad they get along =)

Me and Ben waiting to serve some turkey and potatoes!

Duane Wulf prepping the "show" turkey.  

oh, so many desserts!

Everyone anticipating the start!

just a glimpse of the many people who came for the supper

another view of the show turkey.

Then it got a little busy and I wasn't able to document anymore of the evening.  

Stats:

22 Turkeys

100 lbs of potatoes

roughly 450 people (estimate) 

12 Costco size cans of corn

26 pies  (plus lots of other sheet cakes)

and lots of other ridiculously big numbers that I don't remember.

post-thanksgiving singing

and those fun circle-group games. 

Getting tacos the next day on our way out!

Then we had....how shall i put this...a grand adventure! 

about 30 miles from Magdalena, we were cruising along and all of the sudden our battery wasn't charging, and the engine eventually stopped completely.  God provided this lovely shoulder for us to pull off onto.  But we had absolutely no idea what to do.  Thankfully we had my dad and Mark (both of which have made a living working on cars/engines etc...) 

It was determined that the alternator had some issues.  Namely, that it was dead.  

After many treks across the highway to a little guard station of a greenhouse operation to use a phone, help finally arrived.  Unsolicited help, mind you. 

his name was Martin.  

He said he owned an auto mechanic shop. 

He promised to help. 

I think he was an angel. 

He stayed with us all afternoon to help fix the trusty white astro van. 

While martin, dad and Mark were looking at the van, Ben and I sat on the back bumper looking down the road waiting for the vans that contained the rest of the work team that would be coming up to the border a little later in the afternoon. 

we were so happy...and bored. 

Entertained ourselves by popping plastic caps off water bottles (you can see the cap flying through the air!)

When I wasn't being a lookout, I was at the front of the van helping translate, as my dad and mark knew no spanish, and poor martin knew no english.  The even worse part was I know little to no car/engine vocabulary...so it was definitely a challenge.  

He seemed like a legitimate guy, from everything I could tell...and he had a bumper sticker on his car that said, "have you hugged your kid today?"  So that means he's a good guy, right? 

still waiting.  and after an initial bout of bad-attitude by me, I tidied up my point of view and got back to enjoying the afternoon in the beautiful weather with people I love. 

After hours of this... 

...and this... 

...which included:

 an almost 2 hour trip to Nogales (Martin and Mark went...Martin wanted to reassure us he was coming back with the new alternator and mark...just in case we didn't trust him)

flagging down the CVE vans and getting a Mexican cell phone (Thank the Lord!)

eating chocolate to keep sane (everyone else did besides me)

building a wire bridge from the battery to the alternator 

finding nice hidden spot for potty breaks 

the quickest spanish lesson on automotive vocab I've ever had

...the van finally started and the battery was charging!

Martin wasn't too keen on getting his picture taken, but we sort of insisted.  

We also gave him some tortillas, a CVE shirt (told him about the mission/church) and some chocolate. and some money, since he was actually a really good mechanic and saved us a huge headache.

Another beautiful Mexican sunset. 

We actually only made it half a mile down the road before the van conked out again.  While we were finding someone to jump us, and trying to see what went wrong, Martin pulled up AGAIN.  He said he was waiting up ahead for us to pass, but got worried when we never came.  They determined the problem, fixed it, and with the help of a nice english speaking gas station attendant, we were soon jumped and on our way!  

It was quite an adventure...but we were very grateful for Martin...

The view from my grandma's house in Phoenix.  We went there after MX and spent some quality time with family for a few days!

I love him. 

Our dinner-time guests.  Loved being able to eat outside!

Pretty cousins and handsome hubby. 

Then it was back to this: 

which quickly turned into....

....this.  

And now it is low teens, to single digits, to negatives on any given day.  

This one likes it, though!  he says shoveling snow is therapeutic.  So...yeah, more power to him!

He brought me some festive Poinsettias from his work (the middle one is a cool variety with red on the outer edge of the bract and a lighter pink/cream on the inside)

I do have to admit that sunrises over the lake and through the trees is beautiful! 

This is a phenomenon called a sun dog.  The sun reflects of ice crystals in the air right by it and causes the light to bend and refract and reflect all around the sun.  (sorry for the dirty windshield.)

it is really cool,

morning commute.  don't worry, I safely took these pictures. 

And yes...this was this last friday.  I told ben when I woke up that I don't know what one wears when there is no temperature. 

answer: lots of layers. 

pretty fruits of our flowering crab tree in the back yard.  =)

So this is for you folks who are enjoying 60 degree weather...don't take it for granted. go on a walk outside.  only put on a sweater and enjoy it.  use your grill at night without freezing your fingers and toes.

slip on some flip flops and go right out the door, hop in your car and take off without having to scrape it and wait for it to warm up. 

those are things I wish I could do. 

but instead I will thank God for the beauty of the seasons.  I will pile on the layers.  I will make myself some hot tea to go.  I will let the dog out and watch her from the warmth of the back door.  I will go out 15 minutes before I have to leave and get my car all toasty warm.  Because these are the things one does when one is called to live in the frozen north. 

au revoir.