It is a concept that has two different meanings, one of which is relatively new to me.
The new version of Seasons comes in the form of winter, spring, and fall. I've known summer. I am familiar with the minimal ebb and flow of warmth. But it has been a new adventure to experience the "traditional" change of seasons. And I'd say overall, it has been a pleasant experience. Granted, I mostly enjoy winter--->spring and summer--->fall. With that said, this is not the kind of season that I will focus on in my blog post today. Alas, the season isn't quite changing (although significantly warmer days are on the horizon).
The kind of season I am referring to is a season in life. The kind that are not predictable like spring, summer, fall and winter--although their predictability is questionable at times. I digress. I am referring to a season that can come and go with no warning. Can stay for a long time, or end rather quickly. Some are hard and you are glad to see them go. Others are full of joy and you wish they would last forever. Some we don't even see as seasons...it's just life. Until one day, it changes and you are left pondering where the time went.
Today I share with you the end of one precious season, and the beginning of another...also precious in its own way.
As most of you know, I moved to Minnesota to help my brother and sister-in-law nanny their kids. It was only supposed to be for a little while. Short-term. A season of adventure. After which I would return back to California and continue on with life. And as most of you know, it hasn't gone that way. I am here, married to Ben and calling this my home.
About a year ago, there was talk of J&K (brother's family) going to California. So I knew it was coming. But it was so far off, that it didn't really warrant a second thought. As this fall approached, and they weren't sure of a departure date, it was still easy to keep it out of mind. The few times I allowed myself to think about it were really difficult, so I quickly moved on to other thoughts.
Then things started happening. J got a job in CA, he left for training and K stayed here with the kids to finish out her job. Even though the overlap of his job starting and hers not quite being done wasn't a fun several weeks, it still didn't hit me. Sure, I missed my brother, but it was easy to think, "Oh he'll be back" when I would go over and hang out with K and the kiddos. So I still didn't think about it.
The Tuesday night before they moved, I left after helping K put the kids down and finally thought about it.
Memories at their house. Summer BBQ's. Play days in the park. Playing games and reading books to the kids. Being there for two of their babies being brand new. Conversations. Hugs. Oh, I could go on and on... Just thinking about it, I get these snapshots of moments in my mind that are oh-so-sweet.
...excuse me while I take a second to clear my brimming eyes...
Finally I had to face that it was coming to an end. People kept commenting on how well I was taking their move. Little did they know I was in complete denial until a few days before they packed up and left.
And so on that Sunday night, less than a week ago, we all hung out at my in-laws. It felt so normal and right, and for a minute, I could totally forget they were leaving. But then the time came. I had pictured how it would go...but nothing prepares you for little arms wrapping tight around your neck, and a little voice whispering in your ear, "I love you so much, Auntie. And I am going to miss you. But don't worry, I'll send you lots of valentines notes from California and draw you pictures of our family so you don't forget us."
Talk about a tear-jerker. Man, how I love that kid.
The rest of the goodbyes were seasoned with tears, hugs and promises to keep in touch, which I know will happen.
Now they are gone. It hasn't sunk in yet. My week is busy and it slips my mind. But if you see me sitting in church and I start to cry...don't be alarmed. And if you are too nice to me and give me hugs, I'll probably cry harder, so be prepared =)
With all of that emotion that seems so hard, I am overjoyed at this new adventure in their life. It isn't easy picking up your life and moving across the country. It takes courage, faith and a trust in God that he sees pieces that you can't. I know this. I did it. And I learned some really big things about what it means to only see things from my perspective and trust that God knows things I don't. So I can confidently place them in His hands, knowing that through all of the adjustment and hearts that ache for things here at times, He will take care of them...and the blessings will flow.
And with the ending of that season, comes the beginning of another one for Ben and I. We are so excited to tell the world that our little family is growing and we will be expecting Bambino (as my dad dubbed him/her) in early fall! It is so strange to type out those words! I have read many a blog post and facebook status of people announcing a similar season beginning in their life, and it is surreal for it to be us now.
Since so many people have been asking the same questions, I'll give you the best answers I can:
How have you been feeling? I have been up and down. I am really sensitive to smells and it can make me lose my appetite. But aside from fatigue and running to the bathroom ever five seconds (at least thats what it feels like!), I am doing pretty well.
When is the due date? October 1st.
How far along are you? To spare you the math...I am 10 weeks.
Had an ultrasound the other day and everything looks healthy and on track! We are feeling very thankful for that.
Are you going to find out the gender? Interestingly, this is a common question I've been hearing. And yes, we are finding out, and yes we are telling. I don't handle suspense very well, and it's too big of a secret to keep for that long...10 weeks was long enough, my goodness.
Those are the main questions I get asked...if you have any others, please let me know! I don't really know what this journey is going to look like. I will admit that stepping into this realm feels really intimidating at times. For a long time, I've just been sitting on the sidelines watching other Moms battle it out on the parenting front, and now I'm about to enter the fray. I have my moments of fearing judgement for "not doing it right" or holding a strong opinion. I mean, even before I was with child, I felt pressure to do things one way or another. And I really want to fight those feelings of insecurity and do what we think is the best, and love other mommies and daddies who may do it different!
Anyway, I can be done with my jabbering now. I hope that explains a bit of the blogging absence...I've had a lot of things going on in my mind, my body and just my life in general. But I'll be back, and documenting this next season, as it is indeed life changing!
Here are two annoucements that our friend Crystal helped us photograph and put together. We couldn't decide between them, so we posted them both. It was a fun way to tell our family and friends!
