Tis the Season!

The weeks have flown by around here.  It is already 9 days into December and I can hardly believe it.  My days have actually been quite busy, all things considered.  I have a patchwork of miscellaneous jobs that I have acquired that are pretty fluid.  My once predictable weeks have become a bit more unpredictable and therefore lively =)

Job #1:  Raising a 2-year-old and growing a baby.  I know, I know...I don't get paid for it, but it sure does take a lot of time and energy, so I count it.  Because I can.

Job#2:  Editing papers for a Social Work graduate student that I used to work with in California.  Sometimes I get one paper at a time, sometimes 3.  She also passed my info on to a few other people and I have had the opportunity to help edit their work as well.  It is something I can do fairly quickly and during Asher's nap time.  I also enjoy the topic and have always enjoyed editing writing.

Job #3:  I drive two girls from their school to their soccer practice.  It used to be two afternoons, then it turned to one.  Now it is three.  The timing is perfect, as I don't leave until 3:30, which is generally after Asher's nap.  I think I've only woken him once or twice.  And then I'm done before 6, which is pretty good timing for dinner prep.  Asher loves the girls (who are 9 and 13) and they love him!  It is an easy job that makes pretty good money and requires minimal energy and effort on my part.

Job #4:  I have watched my friend's 6-month-old daughter once a week as needed.  It was a little rough at first as we figured out schedules, and she got used to us and our environment.  But we have a pretty good rhythm down.  It is good practice for Asher to be around a baby, and it is good practice for me to learn how to juggle two of them ;)  I'll admit I had a meltdown the first time I did it because nothing was going right and I was convinced that I could never again handle two children ever in my whole life.  I'm better now.

Job #5:  Thursday mornings I do childcare at a church for a Community Bible Study (CBS) in my area.  It is usually me and a helper with 7-8 kids, 1.5-2 years old.  I enjoy it because I can bring Asher with me and he gets to socialize.  Sometimes I wish I was actually attending the Bible study, but it is a pleasant environment and I'm glad that I can help with the kiddos so the mom's get some good time working on their study.

Overall I enjoy having my time filled, although some weeks can get a little crazy.  As I progress in my pregnancy, I definitely notice the toll it takes on my body and energy level.  So I try to take advantage of downtime to rest my body as well.

Side note:  I have been doing an online exercise program recommended to me by my midwife.  It is for pre-pregnancy, pregnancy and postpartum.  I am using it specifically to strengthen my core and my pelvic floor to assist in labor/birth and recovery, but I've learned so much more and get to do so many more things with it.  It is so helpful and easy to fit into my day.  Along with the exercise videos (about 30 minutes each), they provide tip videos regarding alignment, posture, breathing etc... They follow your pregnancy and create a plan that helps during specific times in pregnancy.  It is called One Strong Mama, and I highly recommend it!  It is about $200, but once you purchase it, it is yours to keep and use any time.  My other option was to go see a specialized physical therapist.  It would get to be equally (if not more) expensive and they would focus on one specific area, not a holistic approach to my whole body, so I found this to be a more conducive option for me.  (Not being paid to advertise that...just FYI)

On to Asher's life.  He has been saying the craziest things lately and I find myself chuckling at him.  Thought I'd share a few here.

*He is running his little shopping cart around the house and crashing into furniture and yelling CRASH!*
Me:  Asher, no more crashing the cart please.
Asher: Okay!  *runs the cart, barely slows it before hitting the furniture, and yells BAM!"
Me:  Asher, I said no more crashing.
Asher:  I'm not crashing.  I'm doing BAM!

He was asking for bites of my toast.
A: More bread please!
M:  Sorry buddy, it's all gone
A: *pause*  Can I see it?
M: See what?
A:  See bread all gone
(He got smart and asks for proof so he doesn't miss out...)

He loves starting conversations.  His favorites so far:
"How's your day/morning?"
"How was your trip?" (even if you haven't taken a trip)
"How's your friends doing?"
"Hey MOMMY!  MOMMY!!  WHAT ARE YOU DOING!?"  (all. day. long.)

He has to ask what every song is called.  Every song.  And then he attempts to repeat it.

Consistent vocab quirks:
Oatmobile (Oatmeal)
Adding "es" on the end of any already pluralized word to make it truly plural, in case you missed it the first time.  (i.e. cars-es, tractors-es)

If you mention his baby brother, he starts right in on convincing you it is a baby sister.  He is adamant for some reason.  I also had a dream last night that the baby was born and we were shocked to find it was a girl.  I mean the ultrasound was pretty clear...but hey, stranger things have happened.

On that note, we CANNOT settle on a name.  Not because we don't agree, but because nothing is grabbing us.  And we have perused hundreds of names.  We have considered the most bizarre options.  We have a few boundaries we are trying to stay within (no top-30-ish names-which is funny since Asher is like top 10 now-,name meaning matters, would prefer it doesn't end in -er/ar like Asher, generally avoiding D names so it doesn't sound too rhymey with Dill, and also names that have "l" sounds at the end that cause a bit of a tongue twister with Dill-like Gabriel).  Maybe we are too picky.  But there HAS to be a name out there that fits those parameters.  We have a few options that have gotten the response, "I mean, yeah that's doable" from both Ben and I.  So we are still mulling.  And taking suggestions.


On to a few pictures, then I'll be done.

This was from the fall.  We went to Kansas for a wedding and stayed with friends who had some pretty cool stuff on their farm! 

This was the moment right after we found out we were having another boy!  Asher didn't know what to do with all the exclaiming and excitement!  He was fascinated by the blue dust that came out of the balloon we popped!  Poor kid kept saying, "Baby sister! A pink one!"  And we had to remind him that we just got a blue one and it was a baby brother...

First snow!  Oh the glee!

Love these boys and their love for winter and snow!

Kind of a creepy shot of baby's face. 

Potty training and painting.  

Excuse the messy post-dinner table.  We got this fantastic book called "Home" from our friend Daveana.  Asher LOVES it and requested it so many times in a row he had it pretty much memorized.  This is him "reading" it to me. 

20-something weeks.  They all blur.  

28 weeks. 

Because you definitely need two bump pics in a row.  

Took Ben out to a Saint Paul Chamber Orchestra concert for his birthday!  We had a delicious dinner at a fun place downtown and enjoyed the music together!  It has been a while since a date night of this caliber, and it was fun.  Sitting through a concert wasn't super comfortable for me, but hey, comes with the territory of baby growing, I suppose.  

29 weeks! 

Hey, at least I split up this one from the other two.  =)  

I love bump pics and feel like many moms-to-be just don't post many.  So I'm over-posting so you get as many as you wish to look at! 

That's all for now! 

back to online christmas shopping and getting my christmas cards mailed!

au revoir! 

The Good Guys

There is a new trend online that features the hashtag #metoo.  It is an opportunity for women who have been victimized by sexual assault or harassment to share that they have had these experiences.  The effort is being made to show just how big the problem of sexual assault and harassment is.  

And I agree, it is a big one.  

I did not share this hashtag or post for several reasons.  However, I did reflect on my experiences in my life that could qualify as being the victim of assault or harassment.  Just note that the following thoughts are my thoughts.  They are my experiences and feelings, and not intended to invalidate or dictate what others are feeling or should feel.  

Technically I have been harassed. 

 Looked up and down at by grown  men when I was a teenager.  Feeling their stares "undressing" me.  

I was asked on a date in high school, only to be told he would only go out with me if I put out (I slapped him...)

I was touched inappropriately by a man when I was a very young girl, but apparently reported it to my mom post haste (my memories and the account I've heard from her blur, and it apparently didn't cause too much lasting damage).  

I was grabbed from behind by a coworker in the restaurant I worked in, during our shift. He linked his arms around my chest and pinned my arms down by my sides "as a joke" until I elbowed him in the stomach.  

One of my managers told me I would look less like a prude and more sexy if I wore a shorter, tighter uniform skirt (he was later fired for similar comments to me and other females). 

I was told by a coworker that my off-shift clothes were too modest and I had a great body and should wear lower cut shirts and tighter pants to show it off.  

I reported my boss for making jokes and comments that made me and other female employees uncomfortable and ended up not getting the promotion I had been training for.  

All of these are examples of harassment.  However, I don't feel like a victim here.  These times made me feel gross or weirded out, annoyed/frustrated and even a little frightened.  But I guess I viewed those men as the abnormal creeps, not how most/all men are.  I looked at it as their problem and not a reflection of who I am at all.  It doesn't excuse them by any means.  But they really didn't deserve any more of my brain space or emotional energy than what I chose to give them, which was minimal.  And several got real-life consequences for their actions/choices, which I am in full support of. 

However, I refuse to allow my experience with a few dictate how I view the many.  I have way more good men of integrity in my life than the gross creepers.   My dad, brothers, uncles, cousins, friends, classmates, coworkers...the majority have been really good guys.  

And I am married to one of the best 😉

They are out there fighting to stand strong amidst the muck that swirls around them.

 I know this isn't everyone's reality, and I don't take it for granted.  However, even if someone else's husband or dad or uncles or brothers or coworkers aren't quality, someone else's are.  And they are men too...men who don't deserved to be lumped in with the disgusting and abusive ones, no matter what your experience has been.

**Now I want to note that in the above-mentioned examples, four of those situations involved me telling the person to stop because it made me uncomfortable, and they did.  In two cases there was an apology.  In the other two, they may have thought I was being too uptight and prudish, but they respected it and stopped the comments.  And honestly, I give them credit for that.  Because even if you never learned to not make stupid and gross comments/jokes, it is a good/learned skill to be able to stop when someone asks you to.**

I am going to share with you some experiences that are a little vulnerable for me.  Some of you may know about these times in my life...many of you do not.  I will preface with the fact that God's grace has been more than abundant and these experiences have shaped me and grown me in so many amazing ways...even though the journey was rough and painful at times.   

*Names changed*

1. Carter:  We were friends in college.  We were in choir together and hung out on campus, I taught him some piano lessons.  We went to lunch quite a bit, hung out in the parking garage after class by our cars.  Sometimes at night, sometimes during the day. Sometimes in public, sometimes alone.  We kinda liked each other.  We hugged, flirted, held hands a few times.  I didn't really know him that well at first.  But I'm trusting (naive?) and relatively discerning (I'd like to think...).  He didn't have the same standards of purity that I had for myself.  Whenever it seemed like he wanted to take our relationship further, I put on the brakes.  I didn't want a boyfriend, technically and I didn't want to cross certain physical lines.  I took for granted that he would respect it.  But he did. Every time.  He is one of the good guys.  

2. Joe: We worked together in California.  Weren't really friends at first, but had a few good conversations during our shift, texted back and forth, and ended up hanging out in the parking lot after work most nights.  We would talk, go to the beach, walk, hug, flirt and we liked each other.  Honestly, I was feeling compromised.  He would have been a great boyfriend, and people at work teased us all the time.  But he didn't have the same values and beliefs I did and I knew it couldn't go anywhere.  But I kind of really led him on. We spent time around people and alone.  He pursued me for relationship and I didn't do a very good job of shutting it down because I liked him too.  And yet he respected all my boundaries.  He never pushed me to do anything.  He never took advantage of those times alone.  He is one of the good guys.  

3. David:  He was a manager of mine in California.  He was fun, kind of the bad boy type.  He had a motorcycle and invited me for a ride.  I was young and impulsive and went with him.  He took me out for lunch and we rode around the city.  He took me back to his house to watch a movie.  However, even when it was late at night and we were alone in his house sitting on his couch, (and he obviously was a player and gave plenty of indication that he would have no problem hooking up), he never made a move and took me home when I asked him to.   Turns out he also dealt drugs on the side so his life choices were questionable.  But still, he was one of the good guys.  

4. Ivan:  Worked with him in Minnesota.    I was new, he said he would show me around the cities. He asked to hang out after work.  I told him he could take me to coffee.  Later he admitted he had never taken a girl to get coffee, usually he went to bars or clubs.  He said it was refreshing to just chat and have coffee.  He would give me rides home from work and even hung out in my loft with me one evening.  He took me to get the yummiest tacos I had had in MN.  He made a dumb life choice and got a DUI, so his personal life choices were questionable.  But he never made a move or made me feel uncomfortable and he respected my boundaries.  He is one of the good guys.  

5.  Jared:  We were coworkers in Minnesota.  He used to walk me home from work on numerous occasions.  And we had lots of good talks.  Yes, he had a girlfriend, and yes he lived a block from me so I thought he was trustworthy.  And it wasn't about "liking" each other.  We truly were just friends.  But he got me safely home many nights after midnight, past dark alleys, down deserted streets and to my door.  He never once took advantage of that situation, when he easily could have.  He is one of the good guys.  

I share with you these scenarios because there are good guys out there.  Some of them weren't "good" overall and really made terrible personal life choices.  None had faith of any kind guiding or shaping their morals.  All of them had opportunity and most expressed desire to have more physical contact than a hug.  But none of them crossed any lines.  If I was bordering on feeling uncomfortable they all stepped away and respected what I asked of them.  They never got angry or guilted me or blamed me for leading them on (which I totally did in most cases).  They never took what I'm sure they may have wanted.  

I made some unwise choices at those times.  I put myself in potentially dangerous or just dumb situations. I obviously didn't learn my lesson and I was selfish because I wanted attention and affirmation from them.  Again, all credit goes to God for his grace poured over me that kept me from worse outcomes other than some heartbreak on a few occasions. 

I wanted to give these guys a shout out because they are being forgotten while many men are being outed as scum.  And they don't deserve it.  They deserve to be called out for the good choices they made.  I admit I don't know about all their interactions with all the women in their lives.  But I am speaking from my experience with them.  And I am forever grateful to them for having integrity with me.  

This isn't to invalidate the #metoo movement.  Breaking the stigma of shame and guilt is important.  Darkness is always chased away by light.  

But I think there is more to it. 

I don't think the problem will be solved by telling all men that they are disgusting pigs who need to treat all the beautiful women with more respect.  Women should be able to live life with their guard down, without needing to take precautions etc... But that isn't reality.  And it is a sin problem that began back in the Garden of Eden.  The cycle gets broken when secrets and sin are exposed.  When women speak out and are given safe places to do it.  But I also think that when the good men are validated, when the boys are raised with expectations and guidance...we will see a difference.  The bad ones should get what they deserve, especially legally when applicable.  But they shouldn't get the emotional energy of those they have hurt.  They don't deserve it.  That energy and passion should go toward building up the good ones.  Acknowledging them.  Encouraging them.  Supporting them in raising good sons.   

All this to say, I don't believe that men are the problem.  Broken humans are the problem.  Men and women.  Combinations of certain people at certain places with certain conditions and bam...you have an encounter that forever alters someone's life (man or woman).  There are motivations of revenge and anger and mental illness that are serious.  There is immaturity, lack of solid examples, lack of discipline and teaching.  There are so many factors that play a role. And there is no clear-cut social justice answer to solve the problem.  The only way to truly solve it is Jesus and his redemptive work in the life of men and women.

I'm excited about raising a son (and potentially more sons).  I'm excited that he has a dad, grandpas, uncles, cousins and friends who are good examples of what it means to be a man of integrity.  I am excited for the opportunities he has to be one of the good ones.  He can learn by the examples of men around him.  He can be tempered and led by the Spirit.  He can treat women with respect and love.  I won't teach him that men are pigs who must be tamed.  I will teach him that he is a man who is capable of so much goodness with the help of Jesus.  That selflessness and love, respect and loyalty, integrity and character are attainable attributes.   Self-control is a fruit of a Spirit-filled life and he can have access to that.  I will teach him that no matter what temptations surround him, what choices other people are making, he is responsible for his mind, his body and his actions, and it isn't impossible. The message I give him will be one of hope and potential, not one of dismal defeat and hopelessness.

And I will teach my potential daughters that there are good men.  Men she can trust.  Men who have proven themselves.  Men who love with the love of Jesus.  Men who give appropriate touches and signs of affection.  Men who will listen when she tells them what they said or did made her uncomfortable.  I will also tell her there are men who don't make good choices.  Men who have chosen selfishness and are driven by anger and brokenness.  I will tell her that part of living in a fallen world with these broken men (and women) means making wise choices about what we wear, where we spend our time, how we interact with people, and how we treat our bodies.  We can't control other people's choices, but we can control ours.  Our wise choices may not stop unwanted behavior or actions or words all the time.  But unfortunately that is life.  I will encourage her to be open and share what she is feeling.  I will advocate for her, validate her and remind her what and Who defines her.  She will learn that being a victim is not her identity, and the yuckiness of life does not define her or need to break her.  

I am excited--and terrified--to raise kids today.  I am grateful for the hope that Christ offers.  I am overwhelmed by the grace of God in my own life in the past as well as the present.  I am re-invigorated to openly show and express my appreciation for the good guys out there, starting with those closest to me like my husband, dad, brothers etc... They need support and encouragement. 

Will you join me?

  

October. Already.

  Seriously, this summer passed so quickly.  Doesn't help that for the first several months I wasn't feeling the best.  All my great plans for getting out and doing things just didn't come to pass the way I had hoped.  

Oh well. 

I'm going to do a little recap of the end of summer...because there are some fun pictures and updates to share.  First, I'll start with pregnancy updates:

I am almost 21 weeks along.  Can't believe we are over the hump of halfway!  Again with the flying time.  I am feeling pretty good for the most part.  Over the weekend I picked up Asher and used my back, not my legs.  Still recovering from that one.  He is just too heavy for me to pick up any more and so I am working on being patient with all the sloooooowwww walking and stair climbing.  

My belly is now undeniably pregnant.  I forget it's there sometimes and end up ramming into things or realizing I can't slip between things the way I used to.  Lots of squatting, no more bending.  And no sucking in this bad boy.  

Now see, I said "bad boy" there, but don't get too excited.  Gender has not yet been confirmed.  Although we do find out THURSDAY!  Well, technically on Sunday, because our dear friend is throwing us a gender reveal party.  We opted to be surprised at the party along with our guests...which has me both parts excited and sooooo impatient!  We were supposed to find out a week ago, but the doctor had to cancel due to a scheduling conflict.  

There are noticeable kicks and last night Ben and I could actually see the little bumps appear on the surface of my belly!  Feeling and watching a baby move in my belly is quite possibly one of my most favorite things about this process.  I am once again in awe of the creation of life.  

Asher turned the grand ol' two last week.  And my goodness are we experiencing both the terrific and terrible sides of this glorious age!  I love this kid to death, but the delightful combination of molar-teething, expanding independence and fierce determination are quite the combination.  I am trying to live in the balance of realistically sharing the facts of this stage while not complaining.  He is a challenge at times.  He has perfected the toddler whine.  He says my name countless times in the most pathetic voice until I feel like telling him I don't know who this "Mommy" is he speaks of.  I let the kid watch a few minutes of a YouTube video about trucks and he pesters me to "watch a show on my phone, Mommy!"  All. The. Time.  That stuff about the addictive nature of screens is no joke.  

And yet...he is incredible.  He is funny. Oh so funny.  He is saying things like, "Actually I don't want it, but probably I will."  He adores any and all babies.  He loves physical touch and is learning how to give it  and ask for it appropriately and gently.  He asks, "Mommy, sing 'Talk to Jesus' and snuggle on 'da bench [the couch]."  This melts my heart because I used to request this same song from my dad while snuggling with him.  I love that he loves it.  

He will get a sweet grin and say (unprompted at times), "Thank you so much!" I hear him talk to himself and say, "No, no, dump the water" or "Good job Buddy, thank you for listen to Mommy!"  It makes me smile and cry because he is so darn sweet.  

On a personal note, I have been feeling a little defeated when it comes to this vivacious kid.  It is hard to parent a toddler who's brain is still just figuring out language and doesn't have a grasp on reasoning.  I feel like I repeat myself a million times and there are no results.  It is easy to wonder what the point is.  There are these little moments of triumph when he responds to discipline (consequences and teaching moments) with obedience.  When he says, "So sorry Mommy."  

And oh the grace that is poured on me in the moments when I lose my cool, raise my voice and speak crossly with him.  I feel like a horrible mom and yet all he wants to do is have me hold him and snuggle him.  These moments break my heart and fill me with hope.  Despite all the brokenness I bring to this parenting thing, he still loves me and wants to be close to me.  Really gives me a glimpse of how persistent God is...I mess up and He still just wants to hold me close and tell me he loves me, and have me say I love Him.  

This weekend I reconnected with a long-lost pen-pal I had when I was 11!  I was in her wedding at that age too (she was a bit older than me), but life has happened and we haven't kept in touch.  Anyway, through the course of talking, she said this to me:  "I realized that feeling overwhelmed has less to do with what is actually going on than how much grace I'm asking for in the moment" (or something to that effect).  It really reminded me that I quite often marinate in my overwhelmed feelings and circumstances and don't readily reach for the lifeline of grace offered in abundance, if only I would ask.  

Here are some snapshots of our wondrous summer/fall!  

We went to California in September to celebrate my mom's 60th birthday!  It was such a lovely time.  We rented a house in Santa Barbara where we could all stay.  

Attempt at a grandchild picture.  Tommy took off and most of the littles weren't too happy...

Hiking by the beach! 

He was a bit apprehensive about the waves, but loved playing in the "Big Sandbox."  Ben told him we were going to the "Big Sandbox" one day and that is what he now refers to the beach as.

Action shot. 

Ben and Asher sleeping in after the worst night ever.  Ash was up for around three hours straight.  Even when we brought him in bed with us, he would just sit and poke our eyes to make sure we weren't sleeping.  Good thing he is so cute. (They both are).

After the beach we did naked toddler swimming in the pool to get off all the sand.  However, Asher insisted on wearing this life jacket, so it turned out really akwardly adorable with his bare bum under his bulky life jacket. 

My dad caught this *fantastic* snap of me looking fly.  

Ladies (just missing Krissa).  Love them mucho!

J&K had left a few days earlier and we had forgotten to take an adult group shot with them.  

This stud checking out the Pacific off the Ventura Pier

Uncle Joey is just the best.  They love him. 

Asher back home on a nature walk with his friend Cecily.  Notice him trying to touch her.  She wasn't super excited to have him in her personal bubble.  

The glee of hose play on an 80 degree September day.  

My lil' family.  I love them.  Can't wait to see what the picture will look like when baby #2 is added! 

Au Revoir! 

 

Life according to Summer of 2017

I feel like the last four months have flown by.  We have been doing a lot of traveling, home improvement projects and then there's the whole pregnancy thing.  Oh yeah, for those of you who may not follow me on any social media, we are expecting baby #2 in February!  Contained in this blog post will be some miscellaneous pictures, some updates on pregnancy and some thoughts about life right now.  

Lets start with baby stuff in the form of FAQs: 

How far along are you? I am 12 weeks exactly right now

How have you been feeling? Honestly, not so great.  Lots of nausea and fatigue.  Not to mention the emotional/hormonal roller coaster.  Everyone (read: Ben) has been so patient with me as I haven't always been my most cheerful self.  Having an active toddler always adds an exciting twist as well.  But now its starting to level out and I feel much better overall.

Are you finding out boy/girl?  Yes we are.  Because I don't do that kind of surprise well.  We found out with Asher and were really grateful we did.  

Do you have any names picked out?  This is a tough one.  We had some we were pretty set on, but then did some re-evaluating and now are kind of back to the drawing board....suggestions are welcome! 

Do you look pregnant? I'm including this...not because its frequently asked, but because when I tell people I'm pregnant, they immediately look at my midsection.  sometimes its a long glance, but mostly its just the quickest of eye twitches as they try to get that nano-second view of my enlarging girth.  And then they make comments on how they never even noticed and I don't look pregnant at all, and they look more pregnant than I do.  *sigh*   In my opinion, yes, I'm starting to look pregnant.  At least I feel like I do.  So I wear it proudly and don't even attempt to hide it.  This is part of why we told at 10.5 weeks.  I was tired of hiding the pooch.  

Are you guys so totally excited!?  Yes we are!  I'll admit, we (mainly me) were a little apprehensive in the beginning.  Not because we didn't want a baby, but I had a miscarriage before this pregnancy and was hesitant to be overly excited.     My friend let me borrow her personal doppler for hearing the heart beat and it has been a comfort to be able to hear that little swish-swish whenever I want to.  

Are you ready?  Can one ever be fully ready for such a major transition as bringing another life into the world?  We are excited and confident in God's blessing us with a growing family.  We acknowledge that there are many things we won't be entirely prepared for but we are excited to take it on!  I can hardly picture our family with another baby.  Another personality.  Another human who will forever be a part of us.  

Okay...Next topics!  

Life as of late:  

Ben and I decided earlier this spring to turn our garage into a three-season living space.  We hadn't really used it for our cars and really wanted a place to entertain and spend time outdoors.  We didn't anticipate how much work/time would go into it.  We should have...we've seen enough Fixer Upper to know that uncovering walls and looking at foundations rarely goes without a hitch.  Since our garage is ancient, we had to do some major work to solidify the walls. One corner had zero support and was sinking like 6 inches into the ground.  Most of that is Ben-esque work and therefore I have kind of been out of that.  It has exposed in us things that haven't yet been exposed in our four years of marriage.  I am glad we are learning how to navigate the bumps with a fairly small project like a garage remodel and not an entire house remodel where our whole lives are turned upside down.   It has been a growing process with both of us being stretched, and while it isn't always pretty, we are grateful for the sanctification. 

On a personal note, I am not one who is easily overcome by anxiety or depression.  However, given the combination of current events and social media, I find myself being more effected by these things than ever before.  I used to engage with one particular person on facebook, feeling like the conversations were productive and intelligent and though provoking (for both of us).  Then there were two instances where I was completely misunderstood by her friends who were witnessing the dialogue.  They were kind of harsh and unfeeling in their commentary.  I'll admit I took it personal and it crushed me.  I was attempting to have a truly constructive conversation and was seeking to learn more and ask good questions and I was somewhat obliterated by two complete strangers.  I backed off after that.  My friend is always good about maintaining respectful conversation even if it is clear we don't agree.  I will always appreciate that about her.  But I just couldn't do it publicly anymore.  Combine that experience with the comments section on just about any article or news blurb and it can be really discouraging.  I was sucked into reading these things but left feeling gross, confused, frustrated, and honestly a little anxious and depressed.  It wasn't good for me.  I took a break from facebook for a little while.  It was a good reset.  I am now able to click away from comments or articles that aren't edifying and uplifting.  I have been seeking out worship music, sermon blurbs and scripture that help refuel and refill my soul with truth.  I found myself crying the other day listening to a Rich Mullins song.  I've known the song forever, but the truths he was singing about just refreshed my soul in ways that it hadn't been in a while.  

So I guess I encourage you (and me) to take a break.  Look away from the computer or phone.  Resist the urge to read the comments.  And soak your soul in some truth.  Bask in some Scripture or a favorite worship song.  I find that I think more clearly, respond more reasonably and am far less shaken when I have a good fortification of truth.  

On to some pictures! 

A picture of Asher and his Grandma D and Grandma-Great Z.  

Asher and Reese enjoying "driving" with Papa on vacation!

All the heart eyes!  

Little fish loved being in the water with Daddy! 

Reading books with Asher's buddy Noelle

The phase of Asher getting out of his toddler bed dozens of times at bedtime and sneaking the door open and peeking out. Thankfully that phase has passed. 

Being a stinker and teasing cousin David by poking him with his feet 

It's so fun to have cousins around his age! 

Forgot jammies one night so Grandma found us a soccer shirt that was a wee bit too big.  Asher kept saying, "It's so cool!"

Baby announcement!  

Auntie Claire and all her nieces and nephews! 

More heart eyes.  Love these boys! 

When the cousins came to visit (for a week!) we tie-dyed shirts.  Aren't they cute on the bench in the woods!?

I just love this picture for so many reasons. 

He loves getting shoes out of our closet and clomping around in them.  he is always so proud of himself!

Well there you have it.  The whopper post.  I'll give more updates of baby stuff and other happenings as they...happen!

au revoir! 

Eighteen Months

Due to exciting and fun times in California, this milestone post is about a week late.  Not too much has changed in that time so it is still accurate =)  

Asher is a year and a half old.  So much has changed in the past six months that the halfway mark definitely needs celebrating!  

Being Asher's mama has been such a joy.  When I think about the things I want to write down here for my own memory's sake, it is hard to sort through it all.  So I guess I'll just dive in, list style.  

*I don't have many stats on him, as I haven't taken him to the doctor too recently.  He is still running a little shorter than most kids his age, and is a solid 25.6 lbs.  

*He is sleeping about 11-12 hours a night.  He was waking up at 7-7:30, but this week it has been a solid 8:15.  Maybe he still isn't adjusted from CA time. 

*One nap a day for about 2-2.5 hours.   

Favorites

*Food: any and all.  Especially cookies, meat, cheese, pickles and blueberries.  

*Book:  Little Blue Truck books, Cars and Trucks and Things that Go.  Ben gets home at night, Ash gives him a big smile and says, "Hi!  Books! Read books!"  He LOVES when Ben reads to him.  Probably because he does fun voices and noises. 

*Music: Donut Man, Mary Rice Hopkins, Slugs and Bugs (Album 2), and a worship mix I made up.  Also he likes me to sing and play the piano (ok, he likes to "play" the piano too...)

*Toys:  crawl-through tunnel, cars, wooden puzzles of trucks and animals, pots and pans.  

*Activities: Zoo, Mall-walking, sliding at the park, and above all, WALK!  He wants to walk everywhere, and getting him to hold my hand is the newest challenge.  

*Words: His vocabulary has exploded the last few months!  He has about 60+ words that he uses consistently.  But some of his favorites are- "Tchucks" (Trucks).  Cars. "Tchain" (train). "Seeyah" (Sierra).  Joe. Rose.  Papa.  Mimi.  "Gahma" (Grandma).  "-sic" (music). "Sahchat" (Snapchat).  "Peas" (Please).  "Cooookies"  And if you ask him, "Asher, who loves you most of all?"  He will give the toothiest grin and say, "Jeeeesussss!"  

*Off-limits, but oh-so-tempting:  Dog water.  Computer power button.  Toilet paper.  Mommy's night stand drawer.  Coffee mugs.  Phone.  

Challenges (for him and I!)

*Asher is a strong-willed child.  He doesn't like being told no.  And he will throw tantrums until he forgets why he is mad...but will stay mad on principle.  Seriously.  It gets to the point where being pouty must be really satisfying to him.  Any and all who previously doubted this due to Asher's normally charming nature...well...they doubt no more.  

*As previously mentioned, walking and holding an adult's hand.  He hates it.  And will go limp and fall to the ground, making it difficult to walk or to hold his hand.  He doesn't want to be carried either.  Finally today we made some progress and he held my hand without going limp or twisting his arm and walked for about 3 minutes.  

*Slowly weaning off the Paci.  It is another of his favorite words.  We have resorted to spelling it.  He still gets it for night/nap time, but we are pretty consistently taking it away for awake time.  Exceptions include airplane, church sometimes, my one child-care job 2.5 hours a week where the other 5 kids all have them and he would steal theirs otherwise.  He isn't always happy about it.  He asks for it probably an average of once or twice an hour.  But he has been accepting our no more and more without complaining.  Especially if his favorite music is offered as a distraction.   

Despite these (rather few, and pretty normal) challenges, Asher is still charming, happy and delightful.  Anyone who has seen him knows his smile lights up the room, and he offers them with abandon. He has got the cutest sense of humor, is quite ticklish and offers a fist bump and a high five to anyone who will humor him. Although he is easily distracted by any number of moving machines.

  He loves babies and can hardly contain his excitement when he actually gets within 2 feet of one.  Being outside, surrounded by trucks, cars or trains will keep this kid happy for a long time. 

You ask him where something is and he puts his finger to his mouth and says, "hmmm....eh-it-eees" (there it is) in the cutest voice.  Half the time he hasn't even found it...he just knows that the phrase generally follows, "where is it?" 

He finally will choose me over other people or notice if I'm not in the same room as him.  It took over a year of his life for me to be a preferred person.  He was always so busy socializing with everyone that he wouldn't notice if I left.  And I'll admit, it does make my heart melt to here him say, "Mama!  Mama go?"  And the way he grins and exclaims exuberantly, "Hi!" when we get him up in the morning or from naps...seriously adorable.  

Right now he has one of my shirts around his neck and he is carrying a little bowl saying, "fe-fish" (goldfish) and making little pathetic whiny noises.  He is adorable, and he tries my patience, and he delights my heart.  

A book my sister-in-law Meg just gave me talks about how the sanctification of parenting is like being put in a rock tumbler.  It is no longer the gentle process of junior high sanctification, where we got to sit in a quiet spot like a stone in a gentle brook...water gliding over us and slowly smoothing out rough edges.   Oh no.  This is like a rock tumbler.  Being bounced and shaken together, all the rough edges felt and acknowledged quite clearly...but hopefully with some serious smoothing happening.  Parenting reminds me daily of my need for grace.  And how the grace I receive from Jesus is sufficient for parenting Asher today.  

It is a process.  And I'll just say that I'm forever grateful that one of the little rocks in my tumbler is Asher Warren.  

Here are some pictures from the past week or so! 

At the observatory.  He likes the grates in the floor.  

Sometimes I look down and see the goofiest things.  

One sock off, fingers in his ears and his paci in his mouth all crooked.  

He is so observant.  He hears and sees airplanes all the time (takes after his Uncle Johnny that way!) 

Oh look there's another one! 

Don't know what this squinty-eyed smirk was about but it makes me smile.  

Throwing rocks in Eaton Canyon.  He LOVED it. 

"Woooowwww!  SPLASSSHH"  (direct quote)

Ben took me out for a birthday lunch in CA at a favorite place called Marston's.  It was a sweet date, with delicious food and of course good company!  

Asher not quite sure how to do piggy back rides with Papa.  His motto was basically: hang on for dear life! 

Auntie Krissa with Emery and Asher!  Em is almost four months younger than Asher, but a bit taller...

Asher reading books in Papa's nice big chair.  

(Both of his Papas have nice big chairs...we'll have to get a picture on Papa D's next!)