Fickle February

Ah Fickle February.  That is what we have dubbed you, since you have plunged us into shivering cold temperatures, and then surprised us all with a few gems that hovered in the high 50s-low 60s.  While I will always be grateful for warm days, it has felt a little defeating to then go back to relatively normal temperatures.  That tantalizing taste of spring weather really got my hopes up.

This post will be primarily summarizing pictures of our month or so.  I'll be doing an official 18-month post for Asher at another time.  He has done so much growing this month, and it has been quite fun to witness.

He truly loves animals, and meeting Paco the cat was no exception!  Not really sure how Paco feels about it...but I can probably guess.  

We like to walk around the mall on week days when it is empty.  It kills a lot of time, because Ash will spend 5-10 minutes at all the rides staring at them.  Especially this one, because...trucks.  

He is such a cuddly fellow.  One day, he was playing with his car and came up and laid his head on my knee like this for quite a while and just kept playing with his car. 

More of that animal love in practice.  Sierra is such a good sport and lets him get away with just about anything.  He is kind of in an aggressive-love stage, where he just wants to interact with her so much he ends up grabbing at her skin and her ears and poking her eyes...all while giggling and smiling so big.  Surprisingly, Sierra just sits there.  Unless he goes for the tail, then she moves quickly. 

Went ice skating.  Forgot gloves (silly Mama).  ended up using Daddy's.  They cinch at the wrists, so it actually worked out great...and looked hilarious. 

Okay, so I know I'm his mom...but I generally think Asher is a really cute kid.  However, he has got the ugly-cry perfected.  Seriously.  his face contorts really strangely and it is often all I can do not to laugh.  Especially if he is just throwing a tantrum, like he was here.  

He has lately been resorting to a good cry (complete with HUGE tears) and follows it with throwing himself dramatically on the floor or throwing whatever he has in his hand in defiance.  I can tell we will have our hands full in the next few years! 

Enjoying the conservatory on one of those frigid days! 

Asher got the adventure of his little lifetime when we went up to my friend Crystal's parents' cabin and did some ice fishing!  to say he loved this little "truck" is a huge understatement.  

Driving said "truck."  Ice is fun and challenging to drive on!  

Asher's love of animals extended to the bait tank.  He had a blast dipping out minnows and touching them.  

riding in the "truck" pretty much lulled him to sleep every time we drove between ice houses. 

After lots of hours, only one fish was caught...and it wasn't even in the house I was in!  Ben was with the spear-fishing group and they got this big guy! 

Grateful for these friends, and for Crystal's parents who were so generous and hospitable! 

The men taking a snooze.  They claimed they didn't want the other to feel bad for sleeping so they kept each other company.  

Celebrating Crystal's birthday!

My book-loving boy. 

So he recently decided that prayer is really important (one of the imitations I'm grateful he has picked up!)  Quite often he will say, "Pay" and fold his hands...and will repeat it until we offer a little prayer.  This generally happens between bites at dinner time, whenever he gets on his chair or generally thinks a prayer should be said.  He has been picking up cues at church and sees when people fold their hands, kneel or close their eyes, and prays along. 

On one of the warm days we went to our park that has a splash pad.  Of course it was off, but Asher ran right to it and kept trying to coax water from the fountains.  It has been shut down since September, but apparently he remembers what it does!  

Belly slides are the best!

Swinging doesn't last as long as I had expected...

Shadow discovery! 

And of course, with warmer weather comes lots of MUD.  And these are the days having a dog are not as fun.  You can see her at the top of the picture looking away in shame, because usually wipe off her paws by the back door before she traipses through the house.  

Overall, it has been a great month.  We are going to have a pretty busy spring...we have the goal of attending FOUR weddings between April and May.  So far, three are for sure happening and we are working on the fourth.  Lots of travel, family time and warm weather!  

Influences

Boss.  Manager.  Supervisor. 

Whatever the title is, this person can really influence and shape a work place experience.  I have had some real interesting ones.  

There was Jennifer.  She was my first real boss.  We got along great...and she always seemed more like a friend than my boss.  

Joseph told me, "You're only here as a favor to my buddy Mike (a former manager), so I hope you are as good as he says you are."  He also made fun of how hairy my arms were, "Suzy, you have more arm hair than all my Mexican cooks combined..."  I think we were friends, though.  

Dan wanted marriage advice, and it seemed like every shift we worked together ended up becoming a therapy session. 

Daniel had a motorcycle, which I rode once or twice.  

Arnold seemed tough on the outside, but was soft and gooey on the inside.  Though he rarely smiled or handed out praise, he did say I was the best intern he ever had. 

B told me I wasn't being sociable enough with my guests and needed to show more of a dynamic personality. 

Mike said some inappropriate things, so I went to his supervisor.  And then didn't get the training for a promotion I was promised. 

Jennifer (a different one), taught me more about Special Ed and working with troubled kids than almost all of my education.  And we are still friends, so that's a plus.  

Then there was Andrew.  I think about him a lot.  He impacted me more than I think he will ever realize.  And we only worked together for about three months.  

He was one of two people to interview me for the teenage group home position.  I remember that interview because he said it was funny that I was the only person who didn't give "running" as my preferred way to destress.  

The staff of Xavier House got really close really quick.  And Andrew was always present to answer our questions.  And if he wasn't at the house when we needed him, he would come over.  It was obvious he not only cared about his job, but cared about his staff and clients.  We would spend hours in the kitchen of the house talking through hypotheticals and situations that would arise with our client.  He was a little awkward.  But in a funny nerdy way.  His sense of humor was dry, but often quite funny.  Tough stuff didn't get him down.  He wasn't a complainer.  He had to work many shifts when we were short staffed.  He often encouraged us to not complain as well...but gave us space to talk through frustrations.  He empathized with the hard stuff, and enjoyed the fun stuff.  He was practical and thorough, but always up for a good time and spontenaity.  

The day I decided to give my notice and leave, I asked if I could talk to him.  We both knew what was coming.  Neither of us wanted to have the conversation.  I had never quit a job before like this.  It was taking it's toll on me, emotionally and physically.  And unfortunately the higher ups (above even Andrew) were making aspects of the job very difficult to carry out.  He knew why this was happening.  

We went to the unit next to our side of the duplex.  It was empty, so we sat on the floor, backs up against the wall.  I didn't know where to start.  His face said he didn't want me to start.  

When I got it all out, he looked at me and nodded his head (nodding was a classic Andrew response any time he was confronted with unpleasant news and was formulating his words.) He said, "Is there anything I can do to get you to stay?  If I transfer you to another house?  I really don't want to lose you."  

I told him I was done.  That I always knew this level of mental health care was not really my area of expertise and I needed to find something new.  

He nodded his head again.  Then said, "Well I want you to put me down as a reference.  Then when anyone calls, I can tell them that you were one of the best staff we had.  That you came to work every day ready to go, and hit it out of the park every time."  

It made me want to cry...I did cry later.  I have had a lot of supervisors give me praise and compliments and say what an asset I was.  But this time was different.  

I had felt like I failed at this job.  I had never quit because a job got to me.  I had never given up.  I had to swallow my pride and admit that I wasn't that good at this.  I felt like I let my team down...and that I let Andrew down.  I was one of the first three hires for the position, and they were having trouble hiring and keeping people.  I knew they were scrambling for people to cover shifts.  And yet he still said that.

He didn't need to.  He could have just shook my hand and said the usual business stuff.   I suppose it was possible he was making it up.  Maybe that is what he says to all the people who give their notice. It seemed like he meant it, though.  And in any case, it was what I needed to hear.  And honestly, his words echo in my head a lot...especially when I am feeling like I have failed or have little to offer.  

Last night, he randomly showed up in my dream.  It was totally random and even in my dream, caught me off guard.  Not too much was said, then he left. But I woke up thinking about him and those words came back to me.  

Andrew, I doubt you will ever read this, but thank you.  Not only for being the kind of supervisor that was respectable, but for caring about the people in your job.  Not just for putting aside your own comfort to do your job well, but investing in your staff to help us be the best we could be.  And most of all, thank you for saying those few, impactful words to me.  They were simple.  But they were what I needed.  I was able to leave the job with my head held tall.  Knowing I made a hard decision, but the right one.  And most of all, I knew I wasn't a failure.  

**If you are a boss or supervisor...never underestimate the impact you are having or could have on your employees.  Leadership is a role that shouldn't be taken lightly and can do a lot to help shape a person.