Supernatural

People have asked the question: How do you know God exists if you can’t see him?

There are many answers to this question, some theologically deep, and some that use analogies to help us understand this phenomenon.

Last week, I had one of those experiences where any doubt I might have had about God’s existence and his involvement in my little old life was completely dispelled.

It had been a tough week for our little family.  Toby’s sleep schedule is less than desirable, with between 2-4 wake-ups a night that usually include nursing.  He has been teething and had a nasty cold and was just a mess.  I have been overtired and have less patience than usual, especially when dealing with a dramatic and emotionally verbose 3-year-old.

Asher has become more adept at verbalizing what he wants and using his up-and-coming negotiating methods to try and get his way.  When I don’t give in, he resorts to vocalizing (different than verbalizing) his angst dramatically with a rather exuberant display of physical antics that usually involve rolling on the floor and flailing while wailing.  One can imagine how this is taxing on a mom who is running low on sleep.

One morning I was particularly drained and could already tell it was going to be one of those days.  During my morning shower, I prayed mightily.  I remembered hearing somewhere that instead of just asking God for patience or love, that we pray that he (the ultimate in Patience and the definition of I Love) live in us and fill us and work through us.  It is a distinction that is important because it acknowledges that I am not enough.  And just asking for a boost to my own patience isn’t enough.  To truly love and be patient in a powerful and exceptional way, it takes something beyond myself.

So I prayed specifically for the Spirit to fill me and love in and through me. That His patience could overflow out of me in interactions with Asher, specifically.

The morning went surprisingly well, so I decided to venture out to the Mall of America (a place we frequent) so we could get some walking in.  They have this cool LEGO play place outside the LEGO store.  We usually end up there if the walk goes well.  All had gone smoothly, with Asher running alongside the stroller and listening and obeying quite well.

At the LEGO place, I nursed Toby while he played. Then it happened. The unthinkable. The unimaginable. The worst possible thing for a 3-year-old.

He walked away from a structure he had built to play with something else, and some other kid came over and took a piece off of the previously constructed item to use on his own creation.

It started with a look of disbelief on his sweet little face. His face scrunched up and he let out a slight screech and said in a high pitched voice, “No! No! No! That was MY thing!”

I took a deep breath and said, “Asher, I know you were playing with it, but you walked away and now someone else gets to...”

My well articulated and pretty patient monologue got interrupted by an explosive, “NO!!!! It’s MINE!!!” This was accompanied by real tears, a decibel of sound that is unpleasant, and a dramatic fall to his knees.  He covered his face with his hands and as I walked toward him, he threw himself on the floor and proceeded to roll about.

Two thoughts entered my head at this moment:
1. Things were going SO well! Whyyyyy must it go so bad?!
2. That floor is FILTHY and he needs to get off it right now.


The mom of the other kid was startled by Asher’s sudden and disruptive response and began to tell her son to give the piece back.  I looked at her and said, “No, he doesn’t have to give it back,I’ll take care of this.”  Which at that moment, I had no idea what I was going to do.

I could feel those emotions rise up in me.  I was clenching my jaw, preparing myself for a showdown.  I was so frustrated and impatient in that moment. All these scenarios ran through my mind. Do I try to talk him down? Do I grab him up and walk out? Where is the closest bathroom so I can discipline him without prying and judgmental eyes watching?

As I unlatched Toby and gathered our things, those thoughts and feelings swirled and magnified in my head, building up pressure til I was sure I would explode.

Asher was going limp so I put Toby in the stroller and gathered this too-big toddler into my arms, all set to do...something...?  He flailed and continued screaming.  My panic and anger levels were rising.

Then as soon as it all came rushing in, it dissipated.  I don’t remember if I prayed in that moment or was completely unable to form a coherent thought.  All I know is this overwhelming sense of patience and love for Asher drifted down over me like a cloak.  The desire to snatch him and run vanished.  The unpleasant thoughts of giving him a spank were replaced by this dawning of a new thought. I knew what he needed in that moment.

I glanced down at Toby in the stroller where  he sat, miraculously content after being wrenched away from nursing.  I walked to a quiet corner by the LEGO store and parked the stroller and slid down onto the ground, Asher still in my arms.  He was fighting me, screeching for me to let him go.  He was simultaneously crying, trying to explain why he was upset and asking me to let go.  He was a blubbering mess.  My heart melted. This sweet boy was struggling.  His behavior was not acceptable but he was obviously struggling.  So I did the thing I know calms him down immediately. I sat him on my lap facing me, pulled him close to my chest, lifted up his shirt and began scratching his back.  And as if by magic, he softened against me, stopped thrashing, ceased crying and just sat.

For several moments we sat like that.  People milling around, some oblivious, others side-glancing to witness our drama. Toby happily  gnawing on the stroller strap, me with my back against a cold marble wall, Asher, taking shaky breaths and cuddled in as close as he could get.

I began talking to Asher, asking what had happened, talking through different choices he could have made, letting him know it is never okay to scream and throw himself on the floor, as it isn’t safe for him or others.  He nodded, said he was sorry and then said, matter-of-factly: Mommy, I think I am SO hungry.

Ah. Yes, sweet boy, hanger can affect even the best of us!

He said, “Next time I will make a good choice and won’t scream and cry when someone takes a toy I like.”

I said, “Sounds good, buddy.  I like that idea!”

We said, “Goodbye and see you next time!” to the legos.

Then we walked to the car and came home.

On the drive home I couldn’t help but feel this overflow of gratefulness for how God had answered my prayer and how one little parenting moment went so well, thanks to Him.  I felt enveloped and filled with the warmth of His presence and power.  My boy got the best me in that moment because it was the part of me that was allowing God to do His thing.  The depth of that truth playing out in my life in a tangible moment is not one I will soon forget.


I share this detailed saga because to me it is the proof that there is supernatural power in this world, accessible to me.  God heard my prayer and replaced my own failing attempts at parenting with this deep love for my son.  It was His love. His patience. His strength.  The change was like a switch was flipped.  I don’t even remember trying to “calm myself down.”  One minute I wanted to spank him and yell at him, and the next, it was the furthest thing from my mind.

This moment will always be an Ebenezer to me.  A reminder that I will continue to try and will continue to make mistakes as a mom.  But my ability to parent with love, grace and patience is directly tied to how much of that I am placing in God’s hands.  He has offered to help me, and with those results, why would I ever try doing it on my own?

I can guarantee you I will mess up. I will try to be the best mom all on my own.  I will desire to take credit for the great parenting moments that happen.  But please feel free to remind me of this story and how it isn’t me at all.  Any good parenting moment, any victory or loving reaction to the hard things is directly by the grace of God.

Whatsoever things are...

So a while after moving to our neighborhood, I found out that there was a facebook page dedicated to this town and the surrounding area.  I was pretty excited, as I figured it could give good info and be a neat way to connect with our community.   I requested to join and it went a long time with no response.  Then I realized that I had to say that I lived in WSP and so I changed my location on my profile and re-requested.  Finally, I got the notification that said I had been added to the page.  

With anticipation and delight I began scrolling through the page to see what I could see.  I came across several posts regarding a mudslide that had closed a major road, and the clean-up progress.  I saw some commentary on various activities and community events.  A local pizza owner asking for advice on what he could do to be a bigger presence in the community.  I was quite pleased with the page's content thus far.  

And then I read a seemingly innocent post that read, "What is everyone's favorite spot on Robert Street?"  There were close to a hundred comments below it, so I decided to peruse.  

Big mistake. 

Many of them were harmless, and even helpful!  (I'm paraphrasing these since I can't find the original post right now...but you get the gist)

"Skip the fastfood, and grab a burger at 5-8 Club!"

"SO glad we got a chick-fil-a, finally!  Free breakfast on Tuesday mornings!" 

"The service at the new Denny's wasn't that great, but the food was good!" 

"Check out Target's remodel...it's gonna look so great in there!" 

And then it went downhill pretty fast. 

"Ugh, Target is remodeling or something and everything is moved around and there's construction everywhere and its horrible.  I can't find anything and after last night I'm never going back.  Get it together, target!" 

"The lights in there give me a headache, we don't need them that bright!"

"The owner of the donut shop is SO rude and pushy.  Just avoid that place altogether, doesn't matter if their donuts are good. That place sucks" 

And if those comments weren't depressing enough, everyone starts adding agreement and the name-calling and disparaging remarks got worse and worse. 

This doesn't even account for the posts that say, "Trying to get kicked out of the Republican tent at the fair again this year, what should I yell at them?"  (and the following suggestions of what to yell...)

or

"To the psychopath woman who ran over a turtle...you're a disgusting excuse for a human and I hope someone runs you over."

 or 

"Come over to the dark side and laugh at the Trumpers on this page...we have cookies." (Invite to WSP progressives page) 

As I've read a myriad of responses that included name-calling, swearing, disgust, dissatisfaction etc... I started to feel quite discouraged myself.  I mean, generally speaking, if I have a bad experience somewhere, I just simply choose not to give it my business anymore.  If someone asks my opinion, I can share my experience, but no need to badmouth.  The personal political opinions that get spewed are also unnecessary.  It is one thing to share information about local politics, but I don't need to hear you tearing each other down over politics--local or national.  I get done reading some comments and my mouth is literally hanging open over the way these adults are speaking/typing to each other.   Needless to say, (though I shall say it anyway), I avoid spending too much time on that page, as it is a good way to put a damper on my day. 

Anyway, this stands in stark contrast to another FB group I belong to which is for women and is a forum for encouragement, prayer requests and support.  The respect in the comments, the genuine care for each other, the way we gather around each other in support when we may have never even met...it is quite beautiful.  Vulnerability, respect, love and positive words make it a different world compared to my neighborhood page. 

So what is the difference? Why is one so drastically different than the other?  And I realized it the other day.  Without Jesus, one's world is really only as big as their local neighborhood and their experience of it.  Sure, they may venture out.  They may pay attention to their national news.  But at the end of the day, if your server at Denny's forgot your drinks and messed up an order, it throws your little world off kilter and you've just got to share it angrily with a whole group of strangers.  Little experiences like this aren't just an inconvenience, they thwart the entire purpose you believe you're on this earth for...personal happiness and success.  

With Jesus, however, our world expands so much bigger.  Life isn't about our personal happiness and success.   It isn't about going through life making sure I get owed the experience I want. No, it may not be a pleasant experience to be treated rudely by the donut shop owner...but it definitely doesn't stop me from eating yummy donuts and doesn't warrant trashing him on facebook.  Creating a separate page to mock and laugh at a whole group of people just doesn't fit in a Jesus-based world view.  My life isn't defined by a string of experiences that either madden or inconvenience me.  My purpose in this neighborhood (and in the world at large) is to shine a light and to spread hope.  Jesus defines me and keeps me anchored when those inconvenient life experiences threaten to throw me out of whack. 

I'm not perfect, and I have had my fair share of complain-y posts or rants.  But when I see this kind of behavior in others it is a fantastic reminder for me.  It doesn't mean I can't ever vent, or be frustrated or inconvenienced, or even share an honest review of an establishment that reflects a negative experience.  But those instances should be far outweighed by the moments that reflect the bigger picture in my life.  

This is my commitment to think twice about what I post or say to others.  To focus on whatever things are true, honorable, just, pure, lovely, commendable and share those things.  Out of the abundance of the heart, the mouth speaks (or fingers type, a la 21st century...) And I want to keep my heart in a good place, so whatever comes out of my mouth is edifying, that it can spread grace to those listening.  

So, I'll say a prayer for those in my neighborhood who have no hope.  Those who don't know Jesus and the way he can take our small little lives and explode them into a meaning much greater and deeper than personal happiness.  

And for those of you who do use social media as a forum for encouragement, support and solidarity, I'm thankful for you, and I only hope that I can help contribute to that atmosphere online! 

Summer photo dump!

This summer, more than most, has FLOWN by.  And like a lot of people,  I'm all of the sudden realizing that there were so many things I had hoped to do that I didn't do.  Fortunately, that doesn't fully align with reality, as I may not have done the exact things I planned, but I did do SO many wonderful things.  

The following pictures will give a little glimpse.  I tried to not duplicate many pictures from my other social media sites, as I don't want to be too redundant.  

And as an FYI, I have a deeper, more thoughtful blog post coming...so don't give up on me, and stay tuned!  

"Mom! I'm bottling Toby!" 

Love me some summer days just laying out in the sunshine!

The beginnings of rolling...only took another week or so and he was going front-to-back and back-to-front!

He loves showering!  

This is one of my favorite pics of me on the left.  Apparently I loved showering too.  So I took a little comparison pic of me holding Toby.  He did not inherit many of my genetics...except the bald head and the lips?

I realized this summer that not many pictures of me and the boys would be taken if they weren't selfies...sooo we have a few of those sprinkled in here. 

So Ben's great-aunt was going through her things getting ready to move and these nice long-john underwear got passed on to our family in MN.  They belonged to Ben's great-grandpa.  He was obviously much shorter.  But the boys thought it was hilarious and decided to model them for us.  

LOVE our summer flowers this year.  Definite perk of having a husband who gets to "trial" new flower varieties in our front yard!  (now if only we could control the creeping charlie in our grass...)

I had a mom-fail moment earlier this summer...  Toby was laying in the stroller, but wasn't strapped in.  I stopped the stroller on a bit of an incline and put the brake on.   Asher climbed on the stroller to give Tobes some loving and the whole thing flipped over.  Toby fell out and the stroller fell on top of him.  I felt horrible.  My MIL said she had never seen someone move as fast as I did to run and rescue him.  Thankfully this is the only evidence it ever happened and it cleared up in a few days.  After a bit of hyperventilating (me) and screaming (him) and judgmental glares (the park full of people attending the outdoor concert with us) and apologetic/sheepish cowering (asher)...we made a full recovery and were able to enjoy our evening.

Asher loves his lil' buddy Charlotte! 

Toby is a tummy sleeper, and gets his hands/arms in all kinds of strange uncomfortable-looking positions! 

CALIFORNIA!

First stop: the beach, obviously.

Checking out sand crabs

He LOVED the waves and the beach so much more than last year. it was so fun to watch! 

The much-anticipated hair cut.  Asher kept talking about how Mimi could cut his hair and he could watch a video.  The day after we arrived he informed her this was the plan right after breakfast and made it happen.  He did surprisingly well!

His love of water just increased exponentially this trip.  And he looks way too cool here. 

Tobes chillin' pool-side.

Ben and I went on a little lunch date to a new place not too far from my parents house.  It was SO good.  I tend to just like visiting my old favorites when I'm home...but this did not disappoint and we will definitely go back.  

Tobe and Meara.  She is my friend Kaeli's daughter...they are only a few weeks apart!

Asher gearing up to build an epic train set with my two cousins Nathan and Caleb.  The train set belonged to my Grampy and it was so sweet to see Ash play with it.  Not to mention that Nathan and Caleb were so patient and sweet to play with him!

This is his excited stance...

My brother Joe and his wife Heather had their baby a few days before we arrived.  Here is Joe, new dad, taking on diaper-changing duties like a pro.  

Sweet Stella was such a tiny peanut when she was born.  We sure loved being there for her first two weeks of life! 

I planned this trip around the wedding of a former coworker of mine.  She got married on the Queen Mary, an old passenger ship that is now permanently docked in the Long Beach harbor.  It was so fun!

So glad I got to be there to celebrate them!

Selfie-alert!  Love this crazy kid.  "I have a shirt-hat!" 

Had a delicious artichoke lunch one day.  

Emery and Asher being silly

Also got to eat fresh figs off my brother's tree.  

Home Again, Home Again, Jiggety Jig!

Sweet cuddling guys

All the heart eyes

A firetruck came to our National Night Out.  Someone was a little excited. 

Dusk walk around the lake!

Selfie #3

Love our community of friends here!

Made In Minnesota!

I just love this kid. He is so easy-going

Went to visit some friends at their lake house!

Tubing!

Ben and I snuck away for a little sunset ride after the kiddos were in bed!

My excitement this summer was getting my wisdom teeth pulled--all 4.  (And by excitement, I mean, not at all...)  

I don't remember taking this picture of myself. And apparently I don't remember the whole post-op meeting where I fully agreed to things I don't remember agreeing to. Ben said I seemed totally with it and taking it all in.  I found out like 3 days later that I missed a huge chunk of info haha!

Also don't remember this pic.  I'm just glad that selfies is all I did while out of it (and a few videos of myself saying that everyone keeps saying how hard I am to understand but I thought I was doing pretty good...you really could hardly make out what I'm saying haha).  

I am wearing what is known as a Jaw Bra (official name).  While I may not have been trending any fashion statements, it definitely was a lifesaver for swelling and pain! 

Pointing to the barge with one hand, pulling up his pants with another.  

That cheesy grin, tho. 

Making candles at a living history farm field trip this past week!

He loved it.  Until he insisted doing it all by himself (not possible), and then threw a huge tantrum and that ended that...

Cousins came to town and we got to do lots of fun things, including the zoo!

Celebrating my friend Ashley's bday.  Toby was mesmerized by the flame. 

Beach time with cousins!

The definition of frenemies.  They want so bad to play together, but they are also quite possessive of their toys, ornery with their poking/smacking, and dramatic in their responses.  Lively combo! 

Overall its been a fantastic summer!  We have done so many fun things.  We have one last hurrah with a fun vacation to Michigan to spend some more time with my family.  

Thanks for following along! 

au revoir!