As much as I love social media, and rarely feel true anxiety about things... Facebook has threatened to change my sentiments on both fronts. My newsfeed is full of posts that spew passionate commentary and links to re-posted articles from a myriad of perspectives. At best, it is interesting, at worst it is confusing and maddening.
You might ask yourself why I don't shut out the din. Why I don't just delete my account, or better yet, just unfollow/block/unfriend those who are saying things so far opposite of what I believe. And I'll tell you why.
Today, I read a meme on the wall of someone who is one of the most opposite thinkers I have in my friend list. Her and I have had some interesting discussions, all quite respectful, considering. We do still strongly disagree with each other. And honestly, she may never know just how much I disagree with the things she posts or comments on. But that is okay. *Sigh* I digress...
The meme stated something to the effect of how she is willing to lose friends or unfriend people who approve of things that she disapproves of or vice-versa.
As I mulled this over, and scrolled through the cacophony that is my newsfeed, I realized why I haven't weeded through all my friends to get my newsfeed to a quiet, clean, agreeable space. Are you ready for this?
I am not grown as a person unless I am met with countering views.
Let me say it again for the people in the back:
I am not grown as a person unless I am met with countering views.
It is easy to stay in my bubble. It is easy to find people that agree with me and only surround myself by them. It is easy to find those who affirm my beliefs and encourage my worldview. And its really good to have those people. But I don't think it is good for me to only have those people.
Now, for those of you who will raise the, "but what about..." questions after all of this, I just want to get this out first. I am not saying that we never distance ourselves, create boundaries or even remove certain people from our lives. There are definitely toxic, abusive, violent people out there who we choose to step away from. That is not what I'm talking about here. I am referring to the people who just live out different ideologies, theologies, philosophies and worldviews than me. And unfortunately they may even use hurtful or offensive words now and then.
In being friends (on Facebook and in the "real" world) with a variety of people, I have been questioned, challenged, ridiculed, forced to give reasons and evidence for "why." I have been urged to get articulate, to stay grounded, to seek out Truth. I have been discouraged and turned (pushed?) to my source of Strength. I have had to go back to the drawing board of my beliefs and worldview. I have made changes. I have stood firm. And I am a better person for it.
I am more well-rounded. I know what views are out there. I know the arguments and counter arguments. I hear the passion. I feel the passion. I have learned empathy, because behind each opposite (or similar) view is a person with a different life experience than me.
But my goodness...it has been anything but easy. I just called my mom today (one of those who sees the world similarly to me and is a good source of grounding perspective for me). I needed to sort through my feelings. I had just gotten through reading about 6 different commentaries on one topic. All passionate. All from people I respect with 6 different backgrounds and worldviews and religious persuasions. And I all the sudden felt like I was on a little piece of bark in the middle of the ocean. I was lost and really wasn't sure what I believed anymore. My head and my heart were conflicted. I was mad and resentful because certain commentary made me pit my political leanings against my spiritual beliefs.
I'll admit, sometimes I struggle to acknowledge the rightness in someone's comments because of who is saying it! I cease to look at their words, and instead stack up all that I know about them and their previous perspectives and I tell myself that I can't and won't agree with them. We are fundamentally different, so there is no common ground.
It is such a silly and immature response. It is okay...in fact, it is more than okay... to have common ground with people I generally disagree with. I can hear their perspective and learn from it. Glean tidbits of truth and discard the pieces I find don't fit with who I am and what I believe. And what is even more important than that? Reminding myself they are human. Just like me. And that isn't something to be said lightly. We have all been made in the image of God and that deserves empathy.
I have one friend where one day we were having a pretty intense discussion about a certain social topic that we disagreed strongly on, and the next day were making plans to get together and hang out. It was really neat.
And that is hard. Really, really hard. It makes me evaluate who I am and what I believe regularly. It is exhausting; emotionally, intellectually and mentally. I am tired of wading through the muck and stupidity (yes, there is stupidity out there!) to find the things that challenge and push me.
But I won't stop.
The echo chamber isn't worth it. And the more we hear our own ideas and feelings and passions repeated back to us, the deeper we pound in our stakes, refusing to be moved. It can be a dangerous place when enough people refuse to be met with opposite thought and the group-thought is left unchecked.
There is one thing I will pound my stakes in deep for, and that is Jesus Christ. Other than that, I believe that life is meant to grow and change us.
And as far as caring for my mental/emotional/intellectual health?
"Come to me all of you who are weary and heavy-laden and I will give you rest." (Matthew 11:28)
That is a promise that has held true. That is how I can live outside the echo chamber. Well, that, and those who are a balm for my mind and heart because they encourage and support my worldview. Those people are necessary. Those are my nearest and closest friends and family. My church. My husband.
But if I'm honest? No one thinks exactly like me. Not my husband, my closest of friends or family...No one. At the end of the day it is me and God. I'm accountable for my thoughts and beliefs and actions to Him, and Him alone. My path traveling in agreement with others will come to a fork at some point, on some issue. Doesn't matter if it is big or small. It will happen. And it will make me continuously reevaluate the things I'm willing to break relationship for. And I'm realizing that these days, it is less and less. I'm not willing to make a judgement on someone's worth based on their perspective and belief.
I may not understand them. But talking to them might just be a way to gain that understanding. I have found that it is way easier to see how both sides arrived at their conclusion if I stop drawing conclusions based on preconceived notions and talk with people instead of at them, or about them.
Now, I will say on a practical note, I have chosen one or two people to unfollow for a time on my social media--especially during times of particularly high political and social tension. People who tend to post numerous times a day about things that are incredibly biased and frustratingly ignorant. I don't block them though. And when I see them in person, we are still friendly. But I know my personal limits. And on days I'm feeling up for it, I go browse their timeline to see what they have posted recently...because I still find it valuable to see what "the other side" is saying about something.
Anyway. I get if not everyone can do this, especially on social media. But I do encourage everyone to find some place (whether seeking out articles, real-life conversations, etc...) where you are met with opposing ideas. Don't necessarily run from them or avoid them. Just make sure you have a solid support network who you can bounce ideas off of, receive encouragement and bolster your non-negotiable beliefs.
Thanks for hearing me out--and know that I appreciate the varying perspectives of those I am acquainted with on social media!
(An interesting TED talk on this topic is about: Empathy vs. Endorsement. But note that even if I don't agree with or support his personal views (and definitely not the language used) it is still valuable information!)
au revoir!
