Contrary to all the wise advice, there were several instances during the holidays that various political topics were broached. With few exceptions, most of my family (and friends) are willing to have civil discussion, and a lot of us have similar perspectives. I would say that me and one of my brothers see things most eye-to-eye, and it was neat to make that discovery and talk through various topics.
Anyway, one particularly current and hot topic came up. The exact topic doesn't matter for the purposes of this blog. I thought I knew what my stance was. But then I heard two perspectives that challenged that. One was opposite of what I thought but really made a lot of sense and had different justification than many other arguments I had heard. It was intriguing and got me thinking. The other technically agreed with my stance, but felt off for some reason. And while we agreed on the landing place, how we got there felt very different. It made me get a little prickly and almost like I didn't even want to agree with the stance after that. As I discussed with this latter person, I realized I was defending the side I didn't really even agree with. And they were challenging me on if I said I agreed with this stance, then the only thing that mattered was the policies that carried out the end goal-not necessarily how we got there. They made a lot of good points too and I felt convicted.
Now here is other factor that complicates things: I highly respect both parties who thought these things. They are both good people, with good intentions. Both read the same Bible as I do...both love Jesus and his heart for people.
I found myself in a really difficult position. One that doesn't really have a legitimized place:
The vast middle area of undecided.
I didn't really know what I believed. I guess I hadn't picked a camp like I thought I did. I hadn't arrived a conclusion that I felt comfortable staking my claim in.
And let me tell you, it was SO uncomfortable for me. I longed to be as convinced as both parties...but I couldn't agree with either fully. The topic that felt so black and white to both of them felt so nuanced and gray to me. If you ask either side, undecided generally means you've basically landed with the opposition. But I still had more questions. Both made points, claiming the authority of Scripture and Christ...and they arrived at different conclusions! How was that possible!?
It all the sudden made me feel like I didn't actually know Jesus at all and I was reading the Bible all wrong. I wasn't sure my own moral standards. I suddenly realized that I didn't know which candidates I would support because if this was a platform point, I couldn't decide based on that. But if I focused on other points, I'd be accused of not caring enough to make sure so-and-so never made it into office. I'd be accused of raising a different cause too high--which is kind of crazy, because lets be honest, most of us are supporters of a candidate that takes a strong stance on the one or two issues we care most about, and only get behind two parties. Which is why elections are a hot mess.
We cut off the discussion because it was starting to get to the uncomfortable level of tense and the timing wasn't awesome to begin with. I felt so yucky. I felt like I was betraying everything I stood for because I couldn't stand for anything. Why couldn't I just make up my mind? My questions were as much for me as for them. I wasn't even disagreeing with them as much as exploring my own point of view.
My ever-present steadying sounding board (aka: Ben) talked me down. He reminded me that it is okay not to know. It can even be admirable to refrain from nailing down a position if it doesn't sit right with me. It is okay to hang out in this no-mans land of unknown. AHH! Him just saying that made me want to jump out of my skin. This is a fundamental difference between us. He is okay not knowing. He is okay with abiding in a constant state of morphing, listening, wondering and growing. I'll admit, it always bothered me. I have thought he should just decide on stuff. Have an opinion. Because it has always been so easy for me to do that. I feel passionately about stuff and can easily pick a stance and have logical arguments to back it up. (Don't misunderstand, Ben is able to decide his perspective on things, and he does have strong morals and convictions...but he is also much more comfortable in the unknown and likes to take lots of time in forming a solid point of view).
Anyway...This was a huge moment for me. I realized that I do not have to be forced to decide. I do not have to pick a candidate to stand behind based on that. It can go further down on my list of things I care about for policies. I can keep asking questions and probing each side to why they believe what they do. And most of all, I can keep bringing it before God to ask where He wants me to land. Maybe He has something else for me in this. Maybe it is about how I treat people in my day-to-day life. Maybe it is a both/and, not either/or. Too bad we humans don't know how to live out paradox very well. We like to throw a decisive policy at it. And forbid both "sides" actually try to find common ground.
I know all this is incredibly unpopular. I can hear all the voices:
"How spineless can you be!? You are what is wrong with our country" (Yep...just me)
"Do you know all the people in Hitler's Germany that stood by and didn't stand for anything? They were complicit in the Holocaust" (That one is harsh...)
"If you cared about our country you would believe _____" (so only one stance is in the best interest of our country?)
"If you don't stand for anything, you'll fall for everything" (Why not ask what I DO stand for?)
"You can't consider yourself liberal/conservative if you question this" (Technically I can live whatever truth I want...so I can consider myself whatever I want...or haven't you heard, its 2019)
"You're racist/xenophobic/anti-environment/unloving/unpatriotic/anti-Scripture/not really a Christian/anti-woman" (That one is my favorite...because, obviously...)
If any of you are feeling the mess of what I just wrote, know you are not alone. And it's okay. My husband said so ;)
No, but really. It is okay to wonder if the "other side" has any good points. It is okay to entertain that maybe there isn't a black-and-white right and wrong. Maybe we can allow for more both/and instead of either/or. Maybe we can vote third party because turns out if everyone says "I can't give them my vote because they will never win"...they will never win. And if they truly align with what we believe, go for it! (I'll receive flak for that perspective too, I'm sure...)
I definitely have things that I have firm beliefs about (politically), however I still want to entertain conversation and questions...especially about my undecideds.
I try not to just shout my opinion, and instead actually hear out a different perspective. Real humans formed these opinions, and so I'm interested in how they got there. The process does matter to me, not just the final landing place. The process is telling. It makes people more than just their political views. It is nuanced with life experience, spirituality, views of God and others, hurts, victories, education, geographical location...it all plays a part.
Whew. All of that to say, I am going to use this year leading up to new elections as a time to hold space for these questions and conversations. I'm willing to have the questions and the what-ifs with you. If you want to explore a topic and wonder why the heck the other side sees it the way they do, I want to ponder it with you. We may disagree and never see eye-to-eye but I promise you respect, dialogue and even a cup of coffee, if you are local.
I want to ask the questions and not be seen as crazy. I want to ponder what God might mean when he says____ without my faith being called into question. I want to know how to bring a Kingdom perspective to these earthly messes. I get passionate--but I promise to reign in my vocal intensity and apparently ardent facial expressions.
If you want these things to, comment/email/message/text/call...I mean that.
Let's talk. Let's not just assume. Let's hang out in no-mans land together. The area of the undecided. Or even if you are decided. Let's be willing to explore various perspectives. Together.
Until then... au revoir!
