January: Found out I was pregnant with kid #3! (More on that later) Went on a cruise with some of my bestest girlfriends (and yes, I know cruises are practically cursed right now, but this was prior to any real US threat and was a nice reprieve from winter). Both Asher and Toby got super sick while I was gone. Fevers, lethargy and coughs. I never ended up taking them in to get tested for flu as Asher was over the worst of it in a few days and Toby was tapering off when I got home. The skeptic in me keeps wondering if they had a case of the you-know-what virus. But either way, they recovered and neither Ben or I got sick.
official announcement picture
February: I honestly can hardly remember this month. It was the most normal of months. The kind of winter month I desperately miss (never thought I would say those words...) I'm seriously flipping through my planner and it's all: book club, driving job, CBS. THE MOST NORMAL. Okay, so there WAS a pretty swell Valentine's dinner in there. Ben got us reservations at the Como Conservatory. They put on a 3 course meal (including drinks) where you are seated in one of the rooms filled with greenery, life and delightful warm humidity. We were in the "spice" room. Lots of trees and plants that are used in cooking, medicines etc. (Think cinnamon, cardamom, black pepper, tamarind etc...) We were serenaded by live string music and it was utterly delightful.
nice and blurry ;)
March: Started out equally normal. Toby turned TWO! Can hardly believe it. He is SUCH a toddler now. Besides the wispy thin hair that is quickly turning into a sketch mullet, he has dove head first into toddlerhood and it is a delight. His vocab is exploding, with favorite phrases being:
"DON'T" (wonder which big brother he learned that from!)
"Call Mimi n Papa!" (he also loves addressing Grandpa Dill and Auntie Rose. Poor Claire gets called Rose about 90% of the time)
"Watch dis Mama!" (he thought that was the universal phrase to get an adult's attention so it's taken him a few weeks to use "daddy" or any other adult's proper label)
"I wan breh-fass Mama. Ceeeruhl n mulk!" (see if you can decipher that one!)
"Peeeeeeeese!" (said so adorably)
"Bess Yuuuu!" (Whenever you sneeze in his presence)
"Eye-Broooooowwwwwssss" (said just that dramatically)
And so many more. Trains and construction/semi trucks are his all-time favorite. He totes around three books all. day. long. His Thomas train book and the two construction site books (Goodnight, Goodnight and Mighty, Mighty). He is feisty, snuggly, loves all the stuffed animals and gives the most charming grins.
March was supposed to be booked full, especially the end of the month. Wedding, reception, bachelorette party, bridal shower, communion, potluck, Easter program. And while we did still attend the wedding, everything after that has been cancelled. Life came to a grinding halt. While still moving forward in a confusingly steady way.
We went to visit my brother and his wife and kids. It was a great/chaotic time of family togetherness. Navigating the first days of the lockdown lifestyle, enjoying catching up late into the night, watching our kids
It has been a tough season for me. I am an extrovert. I thrive on plans and looking forward to things. The grief of mourning "life as I knew it" is a strange thing when, in reality, our lives are unaffected in many of the significant ways. We are healthy. We have a home. Ben is still working and so our finances aren't really impacted at all. Technology to keep us as connected as possible. So I've been trying to hold space for the "feeling blessed" and the "feeling disappointed and frustrated."
On top of that, a childhood friend of mine passed away last night from complications following the birth of her first baby. I cannot imagine the pain and hurt her family is experiencing right now. And so it adds a new perspective and a new challenge of holding all the feels in tension. Feeling like I can't possibly complain since my reality is nowhere near this painful. And still wrestling with my reality and how it is affecting me.
This week we were supposed to fly to California for two weeks. We haven't been in my home church for Easter in a while and I was SO looking forward to the sweet traditions I grew up with and sharing that with my boys. I was going to celebrate my 31st birthday there, catch up with friends and family. Bask in the sunlight. And to be honest, I'm really MAD. Even thinking about it now makes me want to just cry and throw a mini tantrum. Makes me realize I can relate to my 4-year-old a little better now. Except he actually just gives in to the feeling and throws the tantrum. But my plans were forcibly changed. I don't like it.
The worst part for me is this feeling like I have nothing to look forward to. Sure there will be an end to this. But no one knows when. Will my beloved summer be spent indoors or in our tiny back yard? The short time of year that breathes life back into me so I am prepared for another winter? I'm trying to zoom in. Look forward to smaller things. Ben coming home this evening. Playing with the boys in the backyard and roasting marshmallows. Zoom meetings with friends and family. My anatomy scan and finding out if baby is a boy or a girl. All things I can look forward to amidst the great unknown.
Thanks for hearing me out. It's still not all straight in my head or my heart. But writing it out definitely helps.
Speaking of baby stuff, I'll answer a few of the FAQs.
How far along are you/when are you due? I am 15 weeks tomorrow! YAY FOR SECOND TRIMESTER! Due near the end of September.
How are you feeling? SO much better than I was. I had never really experienced nausea with my first two and this one is WAY different (baby girl maybe?!) But I'm finally over the constant stomach lurching, sensitive gag reflexing and utterly exhausting portion.
How are you all doing with the anticipation of #3? We are excited! Asher is super excited and has decided it is a baby sister who we will name "Grace." (not our current girl-name choice...) I think right now it is hard to picture life with a third, especially during this uncertainty. It is easy to forget I'm pregnant right now. Not feeling any movement really, not sick, and aside from a bit of tummy growth, not much by way of pregnancy indicators.
Are you still in your same house? Any plans to move? Yes we are in our same *cozy* house. Moving plans are contingent on a few things. Housing market, availability in our current neighborhood (or somewhere close), if we are keeping our current house as a rental or selling it. We are pretty content for right now. We love our house, even though we are soon to outgrow it. And yes, as long as we are here, all the kids will be in one bedroom. But hey, it's been done before! Me and my two older brothers shared a room until I was 3 and while my parents added on to their house.
If you have any other questions, feel free to ask!
Okay, a few pics then I'm done, promise =)
He's TWO!
And he looooves Grandpa D's semis
Out for a walk on a gorgous 60 degree day!
Loving the strider bike!
Any opportunity to drink anything of mine
Playing with cousin Reese!
Last official "Outing" to a public place before alllll the things shut down.
Silly face coasters
Love my big boy!
