official diagnosis!

I am having AWS (Auntie Withdrawal Syndrome).

Common symptoms:
-arms that feel too light because there is no constant weight in them
-nostril depravity that is due to lack of the fresh Johnson-baby smell
-daily smile/giggle quota is far from full
-ear confusion due to deafening silence for lack of cooing and the occasional fuss


My first interactions with my sweet niece Karlina were amazing and in all honesty something I cannot describe. here's some words that come to mind:
perfect. delicate. fragrant. vulnerable. innocent. adored. flawless. eye candy. curious. observant. content. aware. expressive.


Look how alert she is for only 2.5 months.

her cuuute little pom-pom hat.
According to Krissa, she picked it herself =)
They tried on all different kinds and this is the one she was happiest in!



She's so happy just laying and looking at faces and smiling!

So now you can see this precious little human who has come to mean so much to me. Thankfully I'll get to see her again in a few weeks. A little piece of my heart broke off and went with her.
This is being an Auntie.
Painful.
Beautiful.

ta-ta-ta-talking bout blah, blah, blah.

Disclaimer: This post is lengthy-ish.
This is a new year. The first day of 2011 is almost done. It is a half-hour away from midnight. I'm running on three hours of sleep. And yet, I sit here, thinking about the past year, and the year to come. There is all this hype about resolutions.

The word resolve is interesting to me. It is the first word in the opening arguments of a debate. "Resolved: (statement about what is being debated)." The dictionary definition is: to come to a definite or earnest decision about; determine (to do something). Then I think about things that I would like to apply this word to. And only one thing comes to mind. Communication.

But not just any ordinary communication. but functional, healthy, constant communication in the most important relationship in my life. Two-way communication with Someone who has been trying to do His part, but hasn't been getting much feedback from me.

Someone recently told me I was a bad communicator because I rely too much on the virtual world of texting, IM, email and facebook to communicate. And while I still think I'm a blossoming face-to-face communicator, he may have had a point. I appreciate instant communication, and response. The ability to articulate a thought and have someone articulate one back, in a short amount of time. I have gotten out of practice of solid communication that takes a little longer. Or takes more concentrated effort and investment.

Yeah, you may have picked up that I'm talking about communicating with THE Communicator. The One who gave me a mind that can think of things to say, a tongue that can form words, hands that can gesture in assisting in meaning, a voice that fluctuates to convey emotion and emphasis, and yes, even fingers to do some quick typing and thundering texting.


I realized today that I spend a significant amount of time driving to and from my job. Time alone in my truck. Time to think. and according to California laws, time NOT to text or talk on the phone. I am pretty isolated in four doors, with no real distractions. (Yes I realize radio can be, but it can always be turned off) I know the route like the back of my hand and pretty much go on auto-pilot. This is what they call a perfect opportunity. One where I can talk to Jesus.

Wow. did you catch that? It took me a minute to.

Talk to Jesus.

Like, the Creator of everything. King of the Universe and beyond. Most universally known name. Giver of life. Conqueror of death.

and I get to talk to him.

You know when you are a HUGE fan of someone. Or even someone you're not a fan of, but would still be cool to say you met. =)

Like the President



Or Kobe Bryant. (I AM a fan of him, btw)



Or Bono


(please fill in the blank with someone you might be a huge fan of). And you would love to have an opportunity to see them in person. Whether that means at a huge convention center hearing a speech, in the bleachers of the Staples Center or standing in front of the stage at Nokia...it is an honor just to be in the same building. But getting a VIP pass to meet them? shake their hand? TALK TO THEM!? that would totally be a day maker. We go home and tell everyone animatedly, "You'll never guess who I met...and we just chatted..." There is lots of excitement, squeals if you're a girl and maybe even a hug or three. Then we sit down and share every detail of the encounter, causing the captive audience intense feelings of wishing they were you. Because it was truly life-changing. Then for the rest of your life, you can name-drop. If someone did something awesome, you can out-do them because YOU had conversation with So-and-So.

You can probably assume where I'm going with this. And yeah, this doesn't sound how my encounters with the King of the universe go either. In fact, I'm a little ashamed that I don't treat my opportunities to communicate with Jesus like this. I mean, talking with the one and only God is pretty life-changing. It is something that should evoke the irresistible need to name drop.

But not to make me look good. instead to magnify HIS name. Declare His majesty. Testify to His grace and faithfulness. and his stellar ability to communicate perfectly.

He has communication down pat. gentle whispers, neon signs, flashing road-blocks, raging storms, angels unawares, human vessels...he's got quite a repertoire. So when there's issues in our relationship, its because I'm not communicating properly. I'm not listening, responding, seeking, asking, telling, confessing, thanking. I know we've all heard it, and in my case, I've definitely said it, "Well God just isn't telling me anything. He's silent right now."
Funny thing is, even in his silence, God has a message for us. Often it is, "trust me" or "Be patient, I know what I'm doing" or "My child...you're not ready, but when you are I'll be there."

So, all of that to say...
2011. Resolved: Revel in the opportunity to communicate with the most important Being I'll ever know. Take advantage of His awesome communicating skills, and hone my severely lacking ones. Name-drop to anyone around that I am in healthy, DAILY communication with...what? Who is that you just said? did I hear you right? No way, you gotta be kidding me! Jesus Christ? Savior of my Soul? Friend and Brother? King and Warrior? Famous and infamous?

Yes. This is my goal for 2011. is it yours? Sorta makes the whole "exercise more, eat less" thing look like peanuts in comparison. this is far more impacting and longer lasting and life-changing.
Hop on the train. I can promise it won't ever let you down. =)

Reminds me of a favorite hymn: (#87 Hymns of Zion)

Oh I love to talk to Jesus, for it smooths the rugged road
And it seems to help me onward as I faint beneath my load
When my heart is crushed with sorrow, and my eyes with tears are dim
There is naught can yield me comfort like a little talk with Him

Oft I tell him I am weary and I fain would be at rest
That I'm daily, hourly longing to repose upon his breast
And he answers me so kindly, in the tenderest tones of love
"I am coming soon to take thee, to my happy home above"

Though the way is long and dreary to that far off distant clime
Yet I know that my Redeemer journeys with me all the time
and the more I come to know Him and his wondrous grace explore
How my longing groweth stronger, still to know him more and more

So I'll wait a little longer, til my Lord's appointed time
And along the upward pathway still my pilgrim feet shall climb
Soon within my Father's dwelling, where the many mansions be
I shall see my blessed Savior and he then will talk with me.



Blessings as you take on 2011!