peace and calm in a bottle.

"She approaches life with a quiet sense of calm.  

You instantly feel at peace in her presence."

Sounds like a pretty amazing description, huh.  

Where did i get this quote, you ask?  A devotional?  An encouraging word from a woman's Bible Study?  The description someone wrote of me in high school?  

Ha, that last one there is sort of laughable actually. 

Nope, it came from the back of my...get this...lotion bottle.  Yup.  I was sitting in church using some of my Lavender Chamomile Lotion, happened to glance at the back, and those were the words right at the top.  

Right below it read:

"She loves this relaxing, lavender and chamomile lotion because it does more than just moisturize.  Its unique formula, with an exclusive blend of soothing essences, helps her unwind and feel pampered as she massages her cares away.

Her spirit is beautifully serene.  Her skin loves JOHNSON."

Wow.  

This actually caught me off guard.  baffled me.  I read it like three times to see if I read it correctly the first time.  

I don't...I mean, I can't...I'm just...

speechless.

What poor, sad, lonely woman (or man, I suppose) wrote this? 

Who feels at peace smelling a lotion.  Since when can moisturizing your skin all the sudden cause a serene and calm spirit?

I mean, the only times that I have approached life with a quiet sense of calm, when my spirit is beautifully serene and when people feel at peace in my presence is when I'm basking and believing in the love of my Heavenly Father. 

Seriously!  No amount of rubbing this lotion on me would ever produce those results.  I mean, don't get me wrong...it is a marvelous lotion and one of my favorites.  But my spirit has felt truly beautifully serene and it had nothing to do with something I rubbed on my skin. 

How empty one's life must be to think that some sort of man-orchestrated recipe (lotion, yoga, spa-day, money, shopping trip etc...) could lead to true peace, calm and serenity.  Feeling pampered is not the same as feeling all those things.  I can tell you that.  I have felt both.

And nothing compares to the peace that surpasses my understanding that I have only felt at the hand of the Holy Spirit. 

But I have to say, it DID inspire me.  

Not to wear more of this lotion...although its scent is calming.

But read those first two lines I wrote again:

She approaches life with a quiet sense of calm.

You instantly feel at peace in her presence.

Oh how my heart longs to be described that way.  Most of my growing up years, these words didn't even come close to describing me.  I approached life scratching and clawing.  Not believing people when they said they loved me and I mattered.  I always needed to be best, to be ahead, to be more liked, to get more attention.  People didn't feel at peace in my presence.  They felt on guard, they felt like they needed to be ready for my sarcasm or loud, boisterous jabbering about who knows what. 

I have changed in the last few years.  I don't always need to be center of attention.  I can sit and listen instead of always giving my two cents.  I don't always need the last word to feel important.  I can let my husband tell an entire story for 45 minutes and not even interrupt him or butt in once!  People are my friends longer now and seem to actually enjoy being with me.  And all the credit goes to God for that.

But sometimes I still don't feel anything like that description at all.

One of my favorite verses that God has really used to teach me this lesson over and over is:  

Be still and know that I Am God.  

This is a struggle for me.  To just be still and know God.  To not need anyone else's attention or approval.  To believe the truths God says about me in his Word.  To be so secure in who I am before Him, that I don't need to scratch and claw to be someone that everyone likes.

Just...Shhhh.

Me:  But God, That is so hard for me to do!  If I don't say anything they won't know how I'm feeling or my opinion or how much it affects me.

God:  Suzy...shhhh.  Just sit quiet with me.  Remember who you are, to me.  Remember what I say about my children.  I rejoice over you with singing.  I will never leave you or forsake you.  My peace I give to you, not as the world gives it.  

We have that conversation frequently.  And even though I've taken baby steps forward to learning, believing and becoming a woman with a truly beautiful and serene spirit...I am still a work in progress.  But hey, what else is life for?  

God's so good and gracious to me. 

Ok, on to pics!

The other day we went boating.  The guys swam.  I did not. 

This is a 16" pizza.  Those are Ned's hands.  So each his hands have a 9" spread, and when he crosses his thumbs, it measures 16" inches... supposedly.  But the guy is really smart, so I really couldn't argue with him...and it matched the pizza, so...there's that.

And it was quite a yummy pizza at that.  four of us polished that bad boy off.

That is Ned.  He used to be a roommate of my brother's back in the day, and his family is good friends with Ben's family.  A double connection!

Pulling up the anchor, Ned discovered it was loaded down with lots of plantage. 

Ben assisted.

It was really heavy.  I can attest. 

Our faithful driver, Don.

Mmm I love boating with Ben.  Well, I actually love everything with Ben.  

Life is better with him.

Sunset on the drive home.

last week we went to the lake just three blocks from our house with the nieces and nephew from both sides of the family!  Ben's mom and brother and sister came down, and i picked up Miss K and Ender for the day!

This is Maria.  She is a little firecracker.  Spunky and adorable!

And this little man...growing up so fast!  Such a joy to play with!

Joe and Rose were attempting to build a sand castle, but the kiddos found smashing it with tiny feet was more fun!

Miss K was quite the sandcastle builder.  Quite precise and dedicated.  like both of her parents ;)

Snack break!

She's pretty proud of her little creations!

Final product!  It was truly a great sand castle!

Didn't have a swim diaper for Ender...so he started sagging.  Oh my it was so funny to watch him walk.

Or should I say waddle!

Almost fell over a few times when he bent down.  it was a heavy diaper!

Couldn't keep Karlina out of the water! she absolutely loved floating around! 

Her and Maria are good buddies! 

So blessed am I to have such wonderful nieces and nephew...and in-laws! 

until next time!

Law-abiding Christian?

Well here it is, Thursday morning...these weeks are just flying by.  In fact, Ben and I just celebrated our month-a-versary and it was so neat to sit together and go over the past month...and why it is so much better than engaged life.  My goodness.  

See, when we were engaged we both had this underlying subconscious desire to have everything in place, figured out and settled BEFORE we got married.  Well as any person in a relationship knows, you never get everything settled at any one time.  And we're realizing that being married has taken away that desperation to have it all figured out.  we are learning more and more about each other and are willing to let it take all the time it needs.  So we haven't had nearly as many disagreements and discussions over "serious topics" (which weren't even that serious in the grand scheme of things) as we did during engagement.   Not saying that disagreements or discussions are bad, wrong or not going to happen...just that it is different and better than engagement =)

We are so thankful.  

Know what else I'm thankful for?  That we don't live under Levitical Law.  Last night in church, the sermon was on Leviticus 19.  Compared to the rest of that book, it is rather general in some of its directives.  It is flanked on both sides by chapters that go in to extensive detail on who you should or should not "lie with" (in the Biblical sense).  Like a LOT of detail.  no stone is left un-turned, and there should be no questions.  But 19 is a little more general.  

Honestly, I wouldn't want to preach a sermon on Leviticus.  Because it is a touchy subject.  It seems like since we are New Covenant Christians living with the righteousness of Christ who FULFILLED the law...there is no need for Levitical law.  BUT that isn't necessarily the case.  Some of the things mentioned in the chapter were about not gossiping, not lying or doing bad business.  Don't hate people in your heart.  Don't treat strangers in your land poorly.  Accept them and treat them as your own.  Honor elderly people.  Don't prostitute your daughters.  Don't put down the poor and exalt the rich.  

I think most Christ-followers (myself included) would agree that those are good things that didn't/shouldn't die with the old law and even are taught in the New Testament.  

Then there are other things that we just don't do anymore:  Don't breed two types of cattle together.  Don't wear linen/wool mixed clothes.  Don't eat fruit from your trees until the third, fourth or fifth year.  If a man sleeps with his servant, there will be punishment and they have to give a special animal sacrifice to the priest.  

And then there are some things that we don't really observe, but maybe we should:  Don't pick up the fallen grains in your field or fruit in your vineyard, and even leave some of your harvest in the corners of your field... leave it for the poor to come by and pick up and eat.  

Why did some things die out, and other things not?   Were they cultural observations?  I think a good gauge is to see what things were re-iterated in the New Testament by Christ and Paul and other men of the New Covenant.  I think they focused on those things that were consistent.  Also, Jesus gave two commandments that sum up everything in the law:  Love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul, mind and strength...and Love your neighbor as yourself.  Any of the "surviving" laws that we as Christians are encouraged to practice in our lives fall under these two categories.  

In any case, Ben and I were discussing righteousness in regards to this.  In the Old Testament it  is clear that people had to work for their righteousness...never actually attaining it, because no person could follow all the rules God laid out in the law.  The only solution back then was to sacrifice perfect animals...which was tedious and had to be done again and again.  

When God sent Jesus...it was a final sacrifice of perfection.  Now the only solution is to take on the righteousness of someone who IS perfect in God's eyes...Jesus Christ.  When I received Christ's salvation...I was admitting that my righteousness is as filthy rags, and I know that the only thing that can find me absolved in God's eyes is to take the name of Jesus and the shed blood he gave to cover my multitude of sins and shortcomings and failings.  

But I still want to follow some of these directives.  Because God says to love Him and love my neighbor.  

So I won't have any idols (things/people that take the place as #1 instead of God).  I won't swear falsely using his name.  I won't hold grudges and hate the people around me.  I won't lie and deal falsely with people in my place of work.  I won't regard the rich as better than the poor.  I will treat strangers in my land as people who are welcome and familiar.  

Obviously I'm no expert on this...I just am writing some musings.  If you have any comments or thoughts feel free to leave them, or to email or facebook me if this is too public a forum.  

Now on to pictures!

Almost every day, Sierra and I go to the lake to swim.  It is three blocks, and she absolutely LOVES it.  

she really is part fish.  

I just love this picture of Ender.  It is so typical. Everyone can be talking or playing or doing something and he just finds a book and quietly looks at it by himself.  Such a stud.  

So a few years ago, I took a road trip with some friends and we drove through St. Paul to visit Jim and Krissa.  As we were walking around Down Town, we found this piano which is part of this "Parade of Pianos" they do every year.  So I sat down and played.  

Last week on a date night to Down Town, Ben and I ran across another painted piano from the Parade of Pianos!  It brought back fun memories and so I sat down and played.  =)  Life is one big circle.  ;) 

And now for confession time...I posted this on Instagram, and ben doesn't have one.  But he reads this blog...so the secret is out.  Plus, confession is good for the soul. 

B, I know that we agreed to keep the dog off the furniture.  I know I was supposed to stay strong and consistent.  It only happened one time, I promise!  But I caved to her puppy eyes.  And the fact that it was so subtle.  She's a sneaky dog.  First her front paws came up, and her head laid so sweetly on my lap.  Then she scooted up so most of her torso was on the couch, then stretched out over my lap and licked my hand so sweetly, gazing at me with that pathetic in-love look.  And then she slowly brought her hind legs up, then rearranged a little until she looked like this.  SHE WAS SO HAPPY! how could I make her get down?!  

*sigh* 

as of right now, though she is on the floor.  although she keeps doing walk-bys with the cute puppy eyes, and I'm staying focused on the computer screen so she has no encouragement.  I'm really trying.  

hopefully I get this figured out before we get to the whole child-raising thing. 

Next is VBS!  (Vacation Bible School!) 

 One week out of the summer, we meet every night and have a lesson that follows a theme, crafts, projects, singing etc...  

(I had to miss two nights due to work. phooey)

The last night, we have pizza, do a re-cap of the week and then do a service project, which is usually packing soup for World Relief.  

The dads are helping to set up each station along the assembly line

I think this is everyone's favorite part of the evening.  

We even had some out of town visitors!  On the right is Ben's Grandpa and Grandma, with his great Auntie next to them.  

This is Matt and Marti.  They are some of our couple friends at church.  And a lot of fun =)

Ben's sister Claire leads the children in singing 

I've come to care about and love these kids since i've been here teaching in Sunday School

The ladies are all getting the little bags labeled and ready to fill with soup!

It was a great VBS this year!  I love spending this time outside of weekly church with these people.  =)

One day, I got a call from a kid who had found Sierra wandering down the block.  She had escaped the back yard.  In the winter, the snow banks would get so high, she would just climb up and over the fence, so we had to keep her inside or watch her closely while outside.  She isn't a runner, but she does like to explore.  This summer has been pretty good...she hasn't gotten out at all! 

until then.  

None of the gates were open, and i assumed she just got a running start and scaled the fence, which I'm sure she can do if she really tried.  

Well the other day, I went out and called her and she came running to me from the other side of the fence.  Then she wagged her tail and waited for me to let her back in. silly dog.  

 I found a freshly dug hole along the side of the fence and realized that is where she got out.  she dug the hole under the chainlink and then just flattened herself and squeezed into our neighbors back yard, which isn't fully fenced.  We haven't fixed it permanently, and it is just blocked by a heavy paver...which I figured out she can still move if she wants to.  

There is the hole.  You can't see it super well...but it is pretty small.  She digs the dirt out a little more. 

There is my super slick way of blocking it til we get it fixed.  This is a view from up above.  Paver and recycle bin!  It doesn't really work, but it does deter her. 

So now when she's outside, I get paranoid that she might try escaping.  so I check out the window to make sure she's still there.  Most of the time I find her innocently lying around. 

Silly dog. 

That's all for now!

back in the saddle. figuratively.

As one friend kindly pointed out, "I can tell you're married.  You don't blog much." 

And that is very true. 

i am married. 

I don't blog much. 

But I have had several requests to keep blogging.  And honestly, I  had all the pictures on this post several days ago, and just never filled out captions. 

It has been a month.  Well tomorrow is our month-a-versary.  not sure if we're one of those couples that celebrates those or not...guess we'll find out. 

The past week has been busy with VBS every night, not to mention everyone and their brother was asking if I would pick up shifts at the restaurant.  AND it was our MN reception this weekend too!  Craziness.  

Side note, Those of you who knew me as a younger girl know that I loved being the center of attention.  As I have gotten older, that desire to be in the spotlight has diminished greatly.  This whole wedding thing is proof.  It is no longer exhilarating, but exhausting to talk to so many people.  Not that I didn't enjoy it...but I would much rather enjoy the chance to meet up with all our reception guests individually and have a cup of coffee and chat for a couple of hours.  There were many I didn't know well, but who have impacted Ben's life immensely.  I want to know more. Want to hear stories....and embarrassing moments ;) 

Anyway, by sunday afternoon, I had about all I could take.  I was silent all the way home, went straight upstairs, changed and promptly laid down in bed and slept for an hour.  Poor Ben probably didn't know what to do with me.  He is so used to seeing me social and energetic around people...i think this was a new experience for him.  But being the sweet guy that he is, he rubbed my back, was very patient and gave me plenty of time to regroup before we went out again to meet up with people that evening.  

God has blessed us SO much these past few months.  leading up to the wedding, during it, and in this month after.  I told ben early on that it all feels so good, right and normal that I'm just waiting for the other shoe to drop.  People kept telling us to expect that marriage was hard and not always fun etc...  I get that.  And I want to remain realistic about it.  But on the other hand, I do NOT want to live in fear that it could all just crumble at any time.  So I am taking each day as it comes.  being grateful for the sweet moments: the laughter, the inside jokes, the dinners, the dog-walking, the driving, the singing, the laying in bed til all hours talking about whatever is on our minds, reading together, being able to get a hug whenever i need it... 

And all of that is just added to by the love, support and generosity of our friends and family.  People have been so kind to us.  We told a bit of our story to a family friend of Ben's.  Her response was so positive and encouraging that it made me so thankful all over again for how God brought us together.  and it made me love Ben even more.  (Crazy how every day brings new ways and reasons why I love him. it's pretty cool)

Anyway.  Enough of all that.  Here are some pictures =) 

Sierra is such a great dog.  Seriously.  She used to be kind of a terror.  But now she is maturing nicely and will just lay on the floor as we're doing stuff around the house.  

Although sometimes she chooses the most inconvenient places to sprawl.  Made for a cooking obstacle course.  But she's so happy i hate to move her. 

So I may or may not frequently take pictures of meals I cook and send them to my parents to prove that I can indeed be domestic.  I didn't do a TON of cooking while I lived at home (I did more when I was younger, but not as much recently)  But I was confident that I knew how...and just needed proof to send to my mom. =)

It's great because I don't have to cook for two.  Because Ben eats an exorbitant amount of food...and also enjoys leftovers to take to work.  So that works out pretty good for me.  

If he's lucky, I make breakfast for Ben too... Breakfast sandwiches and tacos.  Mmmm. 

On our way to the lake on the 4th

Love boating with friends. 

We went to the St. Croix River, which was SUPER high because of the rain.  And it was also a nasty color brown.  I had to tell myself I was swimming in tea.  it worked. 

Ben and his sister Claire swimming. 

We anchored the boat next to these cliffs.  It was beautiful!

Such a great day for boating!

=)

Our dining room table.  We got that new candle thing in the middle, some girls gave us fresh flowers...it makes me happy to have a dining table of my own =)

The other night, Ben and I watched the kiddos.  it was fun! 

Ender is such a little man. Love him. 

We had permission to light off a few extra firecrackers.  

Karlina was very into it.  

Although some were a bit loud for her comfort =)

Sparklers are always fun!

mesmerized. 

These are called snakes.  the kids loved watching them. 

Just the anticipation makes her cover her ears. 

He is so good with them...and they LOVE "Uncle Ben."  

Such a goofball.  

Anyway. there is a little snippet of life.  More pictures to come later.  

ACTUALLY.  I got some official photographs from the wedding, so I'll post some as soon as I sort through them! 

xoxo