The sky was blue, with only a few puffy white clouds moving across it with the gentle but steady breeze. I had slept in and was feeling good. As is my mid-morning custom, I went downstairs to let Sierra out to go to the bathroom and have some backyard time. Birds were chirping. My beautiful black dog was bounding after the stick I was throwing. Her coat was thick and glossy, glinting in the warm sunlight. She was happy, I was happy. Life was good.
All of the sudden something other than the stick caught her attention. It all happened so fast. Sierra pounced on something in the grass. I saw a little ball leap partway in the air. I heard a bird squawking in protest. The bushes rustled as a few other birds made their getaway. But I knew the fate of one. My dog, part fowl retriever, had triumphantly caught a little bird which was now chirping desperately from her mouth.
My heart lept into my throat and started thudding as I chased after her. "NO! Sierra LEAVE IT! Come HERE." My ornery dog paused a nanosecond as she considered obeying my command. Then with her tail held high, she proceeded to fling the bird out of her mouth and then pounce on it again. I bounded toward her, still commanding her to leave the bird. She did a dodge-and-run past me, enjoying the game she had just created.
Finally in her haste, she dropped the bird and was sniffing around trying to relocate it. I caught up to her, grabbed her collar and hurried her back inside. Turning back, I retraced the dog's steps until I found the little bird.
My stomach sank. It was just a baby. Feathers not yet grown in, legs still a little weak from being in a nest, neck going limp. It's little chest rose and fell quickly as it gasped for breath. It's downy baby feathers were wet from being in the dogs mouth. pathetic chirps came from its half-open mouth. It was still alive! But I didn't know what to do. First I laid it out in the open part of the yard thinking it might regain strength and fly. Then I noticed two birds on the line chirping quite furiously, hopping back and forth from one spot to another. I knew they were checking on him. Oh my heart broke. This little bird could have gone on to live a happy worm-eating life and here it was barely alive in my hand. I remember reading that you're not supposed to touch wild baby animals because their families won't take them back with the smell of human on them. I didn't care.
I rushed inside and thought about what I had that could help feed him. I cupped him in my hand, trying to keep him warm and stimulated. As I stood over the kitchen sink trying to drip water into his open mouth. He let out a few more raspy chirps, closed his eyes and stopped breathing. His neck went limp. He was gone. I tried to feel for a heartbeat, but I think all I felt was the pulse in my fingers, as my heart was beating fast.
I was flooded by a wave of emotions. A verse kept running through my head, "Are not two sparrows sold for a penny? And yet not one of them will fall to the ground without your Father knowing. And even the very hairs of your head are numbered. Fear not then, you are of more value than the sparrows." (Matthew 10:29-31 paraphrase)
"Oh God, I'm so sorry! I know you saw my dog kill this sparrow. I know he died and you noticed! But you created him. and now he's dead." I don't know why it hit me that way. I wanted to run out and apologize to the two birds still chirping and looking for him.
Such is life. (although I needed to share it, so I ran in right now to blog about it...)
Just makes me all the more aware that if God knows and sees the little sparrow that died today...how much more does he care about us...humans. created in his image. with a soul to be saved. I sometimes feel lost among the millions of people that surround me. But he knows.
I tend to get insecure. I doubt that when people say they love me that they really mean it or that I really matter and am appreciated. I need confirmation again and again that I am loved, cared for, valuable. Last night I experienced this even about my new husband. I wasn't feeling very lovable. Well we had gone to pick up his truck from work and as I was following him home, I just talked to God about it a little bit.
"God I want to believe that he loves me. I mean I KNOW he does. But sometimes the Enemy tries to get in there are tell me I'm unlovable."
"Well, daughter, that is because you are looking to Ben to be the main source of love and affirmation. And that is too big of a burden to put on him. He is only human too. He does love you. I gave him to you as a gift. But he cannot love you the way I can. And until you believe my love for you and are satisfied in that, there will always be an opening for the Enemy to make you doubt Ben's love."
And that little talk with Jesus was just what I needed. And this experience with the baby bird was no coincidence. I know that God was reminding me of our little chat and that HE knows and cares. Before I blogged about this, there was no one around to experience this with me. And my dog was clueless. So it was intentionally meant for me.
just wanted to share that with you. you are loved, cared for and seen by the Father. Whether or not you acknowledge him. But I know enough people out there who are faced with that question of if anyone notices or cares what happens to them. Someone does. And he is pretty good at bringing confirmations in your every day life if you are willing to see them and accept them. I know he does for me, anyway.
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