Spring-ish

Spring.  It is here.  Officially.  Hopefully for good.  One never knows in this wild land of Minnesota.  

The other day I was thinking about how grateful I am for my time at Biola.  A lot of my former classmates talk about how they hated the "Biola Bubble" and that it wasn't helpful for them to transition into the "real world" where not everyone thinks like you.

I disagree.  Biola wasn't the exposure to the real world.  It was the preparation.  (although a lot of things I faced at Biola definitely qualified as exposure for this sheltered home schooled girl ;))

What my time at Biola did for me was give me words and tools and confidence in what I believe.  I felt that after leaving there, I was able to articulate my beliefs with more depth and evidence.  I left knowing my Bible, my God and my faith better than when I arrived.

All that to say...

 Lately I've been fighting the lie (and subsequent feelings) that I am foolish.  Not sure if that is the right word.  I'll expound and maybe you'll follow.

Since I don't work, I have to find other ways to exercise my brain cells.  Not to say that parenting doesn't take brain cells.  It definitely does.  But I feel like this season of life is relatively predictable and we are in a pretty easy routine.  That is bound to change at some point...but in the meantime I have to do something.  One way I've done that is to engage in conversations on potentially touchy topics with a person that believes things differently than I do.  On the medium of Facebook.  *cringe*

In the past, I have tried to avoid these kinds of conversations, as they haven't always led to productive conversation.  But after a few threads that actually remained civil, thought provoking and mature, I was bolstered and ultimately continued.  A lot of these conversations have centered around God/Christianity...and have occasionally dipped into social/political issues.  For one of my friends, I am one the more conservaite Christian friends she has on facebook that she will actually listen to.  That is partly due to the way I have engaged her in conversation.

I owe a lot of that ability to things I learned at Biola.  Some of it is practical...like I just plain know the Bible better.  Some of it is inspirational.  My theology professor was this guy who just loved sharing about Jesus.  He would tell stories about hanging out in his gym's hottub and end up having these conversations with people where he shared about Jesus.   I think the thing that inspired me most was his confidence.  to just dive in there and do it.

So I've been convicted to engage.  To not be ashamed of what I believe.  And to give it my best shot.  There are often times I don't articulate what I'm thinking very well.  Or I leave the conversation feeling like she must think I'm an idiot.  But honestly, that's okay.  Or it should be.  The Enemy likes to tell me I'm foolish, and I totally messed up any chance I had.

Sometimes I say stuff that is so clear and I just want to be like, "BAM!  YES!  That.  So much that.  GO SUZY!"  And a few seconds later I read it again and I'm like, wow, I'm  not sure I actually wrote that.  That is when I'm convinced that the Spirit gave me words.  Because I typed things that surprised even me.  Things that I believe and I know I've heard...but with an eloquence that I didn't just pull out of thin air.  I am humbled again that He uses me to speak such solid truth.  

That continues to confirm that opening my mouth and speaking is actually being used and is productive.  I don't know the results...meaning, I don't know if my words will ever impact or change anyone's life.  But what I do know is I am called to be faithful and proclaim the glory of God here on earth, no matter who listens or changes.  And as long as I'm speaking his word, it doesn't ever return void, but will accomplish what it is supposed to. 

I might be planting.  

I might be watering. 

But God definitely gives the increase, whether I get the privilege of witnessing it or not.  

And maybe being foolish in the world's eyes isn't so bad.  After all, Scripture does say that God's wisdom is foolish to man.  

A song I've been mulling over lately goes like this: 

Seems I've imagined Him all of my life as the wisest of all of mankind

But if God's Holy wisdom is foolish to man, he must have seemed out of his mind

For even his family said he was mad, and the priests said a demon's to blame

But God in the form of this angry young man could not have seemed perfectly sane. 

When we in our foolishness thought we were wise, he played the fool and he opened our eyes.

When we in our weakness believed we were strong, he became helpless to show we were wrong. 

So we follow God's own fool, where only the foolish can tell.  

Believe the unbelievable, come be a fool as well.

So come lose your life for a carpenter's son, for a madman who died for a dream

Then you'll have the faith his first followers had, and you'll feel the weight of the beam.  

So surrender the hunger to say you must know, have the courage to say, "I believe"

For the power of paradox opens your eyes, and blinds those who say they can see.

(God's Own Fool by Michael Card)

Anyway, this really hit me that if my goal is to not look foolish by the world's standards, I probably won't make that goal, as long as I'm representing Christ.  And I guess I'm okay with that.  

So, come be a fool with me, eh?