back on track. hopefully.

I feel like most of my posts lately have started with apologies for how lazy I've been in blogging.  So I'll spare you another apology and jump right into the blog.  

Before we get to all the news and updates, I'm going to share something with you.  The other night I was at work doing some side work as I prepared to wrap up my shift.  there was a group of people sitting at a table not far from me, talking, laughing and drinking.  I wasn't purposely eavesdropping, but they were talking so loudly it was unavoidable.  

There is a line in one of my favorite praise songs that says, "Break my heart for what breaks Yours."  

And in that moment, I knew what that meant.  my heart was hurting and breaking from hearing them talk.  Working and living in the "real world" means I'm exposed to a lot of language, crude conversation, spiteful words, bitter people, angry responses etc... but I normally I just cringe on the inside and keep going.  and if I'm honest, the more i'm exposed, the less I cringe.  But for some reason, I was more in tune with this conversation and every swear word, crude comment and misuse of God's name just hit me like a little dart.  

I got a tiny taste of what God must feel when he overhears these conversations...AND he even knows the hearts behind it. I can't even imagine.  And it wasn't judgment I was feeling, it was a deep and overwhelming sadness at how lost these people were.... 

...and they didn't even know or care!

all the sudden,  I realized that I have invested in relationships with people just like this.  All of the sudden, I had this burning urge to go and share everything I know about the love of God with these people.  I love and care about so many people that are lost.  God loves so many more people that are lost.  and they have no clue.  what do I do with this?  how are there SO MANY people who don't know how incredible my Jesus is?  

I was recently explaining to someone why I couldn't end up marrying a non-Christian.  Let me tell you, it is really challenging to tell someone that when it comes down to picking between a guy and Jesus, I WILL choose Jesus every time.  And then trying to explain how this man has captured my heart and why I will stay dedicated to him no matter how great some guy is.  How do I communicate my brokenness, forgiveness, redemption, hope and salvation to someone who doesn't even believe He exists or is in need of Him?  

at the end of my explanation to this person, their response was, "Yeah, I'll admit, I don't understand at all why you do that..." 

CS Lewis, of course, said something that helps me when I get frustrated when people don't understand, "A man CAN accept what Christ has done without knowing how it works: indeed he would not know how it works until he has accepted it."

So I don't need to convince people how it works...because you can't understand it until you experience it.  I can only show you Christ the best way I know how...by his love shining through me. 

There is another song that says, "Give me your eyes for just one second, give me your eyes so I can see everything that I keep missing, give me your love for humanity.  Give me your arms for the broken hearted, the ones that are far beyond my reach, give me your heart for the one's forgotten..."  

When I ask that of God...to have His eyes and heart for these people, it comes with knowing.  knowing the lost, the sadness, the hurt, the depravity...

knowing the answer and solution for it...

knowing that so many are not open to it...

"We are half-hearted creatures, fooling about with drink and sex and ambition when infinite joy is offered us, like an ignorant child who wants to go on making mud pies in a slum because he cannot imagine what is meant by the offer of a holiday at the sea. We are far too easily pleased.”

so if you're reading this and you don't understand why or how Jesus can be my number one choice in life over everything... give him a chance.  don't be so easily pleased.  your heart wants something more.  it was MADE for something more.  seek it out.

 my heart for sharing Jesus with you and the world isn't from a place of how many people I can convert...or how amazing of a Christian witness I could be...  But it comes from a heart that is breaking for people.    

Jesus himself even said, "come to me all you who are heavy laden and I will give you rest.  Take my yoke upon you and learn from me.  For I am gentle and humble in heart and you will find rest for your souls... for my yoke is easy and my burden is light."

don't you want rest?

we've all felt it (Christ-followers or not)...unrest, uneasiness, panic, fear, hopelessness, uncertainty, blame, guilt, brokenness...just plain lost. 

There is only one fix to this problem.  

only one. 

“God can't give us peace and happiness apart from Himself because there is no such thing.” 

“I know now, Lord, why you utter no answer. You are yourself the answer. Before your face questions die away. What other answer would suffice?”  

 “Give me all of you!!! I don’t want so much of your time, so much of your talents and money, and so much of your work. I want YOU!!! ALL OF YOU!! I have not come to torment or frustrate the natural man or woman, but to KILL IT! No half measures will do. I don’t want to only prune a branch here and a branch there; rather I want the whole tree out! Hand it over to me, the whole outfit, all of your desires, all of your wants and wishes and dreams. Turn them ALL over to me, give yourself to me and I will make of you a new self---in my image. Give me yourself and in exchange I will give you Myself. My will, shall become your will. My heart, shall become your heart.” 

so after hearing that conversation among those people, I couldn't just walk up and share Jesus with them...I was at work, and that would not fly with my bosses...and most people don't appreciate that approach.  so I prayed.  

“I pray because I can't help myself. I pray because I'm helpless. I pray because the need flows out of me all the time- waking and sleeping. It doesn't change God- it changes me.” 

God change me into a vessel that communicates your love to a hurting broken world.  I am not here to save the world...you already did that.  I am just here as your servant, sharing with people what has been shared so freely with me.  

(all quotes are from CS Lewis.  did I mention I love him!?)

I'm a little unmotivated to re-organize my photos, So i'll just caption as they are posted. 

 Miss Sierra is getting so big!  When i'm at J&K's house, she is tied to a stake in the yard, and just chills outside.  She has actually dug a hole over underneath the concrete slab that she likes to sleep in.  Unfortunately, she does so right after I give her a bath.  *sigh*

 

So my friends Crystal and Tanya have friends who belong to a theme-party club.  Each couple or person takes a turn hosting a themed party.  This month was a Dutch party. And I inadvertently got invited!  It was so much fun! we ate dutch food, played LOTS of dutch blitz, made some dutch hats, read about holland....it was really really fun.  I like the idea. Some day when I'm grown up, I'll join a themed party club.  

Another pic of Sierra on our nightly walk around the city.  

 The other night, we made home-made pizzas.  Ben and I got inspired to make an olive/palm tree out of fresh mozzarella and kalamata olives. aesthetically pleasing AND yummy.  

 This blur is Sierra playing with her good friend Dexter.  Dex is a Golden Retriever/Samoyed mix.  gorgeous dog, almost 2 years old.  He's quite a bit bigger than Sierra, but they have SO MUCH FUN together.  Pretty much non-stop wrestling and just being mischievous puppies. Dex's owners will often have Sierra over for a playdate when I'm working a long shift.  By the time I get home, Sierra is so pooped.  

ZOO DAY!!!

 Krissa, the kidlets and I went to Como zoo and met up with one of Kris' friends Erika and her son Weston, who is Big Sister's age.

 Karlina and Weston had an interesting relationship.  Karlina is very outgoing, friendly and a little flirty.  Weston wasn't quite sure what to do with all the affection. 

 Watching the bears swimming in water. 

 finally, Weston warmed up and HE grabbed HER hand on our way out of the Polar Bear exhibit.  Completely at random, without parental prompting.  it was so sweet!  

 Baby Brother was so good all day!  he just snoozed either in his carrier or the stroller.  Such a sweetie! 

 Between these two pictures, Sierra looks SO different!  The top one she looks so grown up.  The bottom one, she looks so puppy-ish.  They were taken two days apart.  She's such a fun presence to have around! 

We sometimes go over to the Mogler's and hang out.  They have a fenced in backyard, so Sierra can run free and enjoy herself.  They also have a pool...which is covered right now and has several inches of water on it.  Sierra has so much fun running through it and splashing and chasing leaves.  Her Lab side is coming out!  the dog loves water!! 

The picture below just shows her curly Husky tail.  I love it. 

This may seem random.  But I pass this sign on my way to work...aaand I really want to go see it.  it's a MUSICAL about St.Paul's gangster history.  The men featured in the musical (Alvin "Creepy" Karpis and the Ma Barker Gang are criminals who ended up in Alcatraz...and their escape attempts were what got me interested in criminal justice...) How random and awesome is that?  I think I'm going to go see it.  

These two pictures are from work.  The top one is our ticket stabber after a REALLY busy night at work.  Those are all drink tickets.  Everything from cappuccinos, lemonade, beer, cocktails, wine etc...all gets sent to the bar.  our ticket stabber rarely gets THAT full.  

The picture below is the garnish collection.  We have to garnish our own drinks.  Lemons, limes, oranges, cherries, olives (regular and blue cheese stuffed), twists, blueberries,  pepperoni, pepperoncinis, cherry tomatos and grapes.  You can't see all of them in this pic, but it's such a pretty display of little fruits and vegetables.  Sometimes when its slow, we'll sneak some of them =)

Below is depicted a typical Big Sister conversation. happens dozens of times a day.

 

 "Where'd it go?"  (she says this pretty well on her own. puts her hands up in question)

Then the finger goes to the lip and she says, "Hmmm" as if thinking about it.

then we giggle about it.  =)  She is such a doll.  And she's starting to love seeing me when I come over or at church.  She'll come running and give me hugs and kisses.  I love being one of her favorite people =D 

I shall try not to take so long in updating...("try" being the operative word...)

au revoir.

This little light of mine.

Wow...I have no idea how all this time flew without a blog update! I was sitting in church yesterday and something the minister said really struck me and I thought, "AH! I want to blog about this." which was immediately followed by, "OH NO! i haven't blogged in SO long! my poor readers."

So here I am. back again. updating.

In my church here in Minneapolis, there were extra visiting ministers in town for a World Relief meeting, and so we got the pleasure of hearing thoughts from about four of them. There were a few thoughts I jotted down...and I'm actually not sure which one I want to pursue on the blog. So I'll do them all.

In the morning, we read from Job 6. It is a response Job has to his friend. Basically in Job 5, his good friend, Eliphaz told him that when bad things like this happen, it's because of sin. And God was using this as a time of correction.

then Job has this passionate response in which he still is trying to justify his complaints. He expresses how miserable things are for him and wonders why he should be patient with God or what all these trials are for.

then he wants to give up and die.

and then he responds directly back to Eliphaz and basically says how he's not being a very good friend and his words were not helpful. He talks about how he can't rely on him or get his hopes up.

Overall, the chapter is very depressing and really makes you feel for Job. So the preacher said something that I really liked.

God does not send us on an easy journey, but he sends us on a safe one.

It seems simple enough. But there is a lot of truth there that, if applied, could help us in some of our darkest moments. Ultimately when we get fearful, it is a lack of trust that God will see us through. We fear failure, death, sickness, making someone mad, inability to function, poverty etc... all of these fears can grip us and immobilize us and ultimately draw us away from God. Fear has no place in the presence of God. And the simple promise that he gives us:

"trust in the Lord...He will direct your paths." Didn't say, "and He will give you cushioned paths with flowers and meadows all around." So the road may not be easy...but he IS directing you...

"I will never leave you nor forsake you." Pretty sure if the God of the universe is right by my side...I have nothing to fear, i WILL be safe.

"When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze." Isaiah 43:1,2

There was no "if" in that at all...you WILL go through these things. The journey will NOT be easy.

Oh and by the way, go read Isaiah 43. I just read the rest of the chapter, and it is pretty fantastic. wow. I'll even put a link right here to make it easier. Feel free to look it up in whatever version you want. link

Well that went a little longer than I expected. But I'm gonna do another.

In the afternoon, forgiveness was talked about. Well, it came from 1 Corinthians 8...and looking out for each other and things that may offend one of our brothers or sisters. But in the wrap-up, Mike L. brought it back to forgiveness...and he said something that really hit me and made sense and just clicked.

"Jesus didn't just die for your sins. Yes, that is why he came and what he did...but he also died for the sins committed against you. The ones that have hurt you."

Just let that sink in. As Christians, we believe that Christ died for the sins of the world. All the sins. of all the people. right?

But it seems that we believe that until someone (who's sins we just said we believe Christ died for) does something to hurt us. Then all of the sudden all of that truth we believe about who's sins Jesus died for goes out the window. if the God of the universe could give his Son to die an unfair, undeserving death for sins he didn't even commit... and he forgave us...and washed us clean...and put those sins as far away as the east is from the west... how can we withhold forgiveness from those who hurt us.

Those sins were forgiven, forgotten, washed and put away as well. and if God, who is righteous, holy and just can do that, then we have no excuse. This is really convicting to me. Sometimes in my effort to personalize salvation and really understand it how it applies to me and my sins, I forget about how it applies to others as well. I expect God to forgive my petty (or not so petty) sins. And then I justify the frustration, anger, bitterness, etc... that I have with other people. BECAUSE THEY WRONGED ME! HOW DARE THEY! THAT IS JUST UNACCEPTABLE! THEY HAVE TO KNOW WHAT IT FEELS LIKE! I MAY FORGIVE, BUT I WON'T FORGET!

*sigh*

Thank you God, for forgiving me...and for forgiving those who have wronged me. It is the desire of my heart to forgive as you have forgiven. Thank you for your strength to be able to do this. I place in your hands all the hurts that have been done against me. You will make them right. You will heal the wounds. You will supply the joy and peace.


Now on to some pictures =)


Sleeping with Ender. so relaxing holding a little baby...



Awake Ender. quite alert.



He's got some great facial expressions too


Big Sister isn't super jealous, but she does feel the need to claim things that he has. Little Brother has a nook, Big Sister must have one too.




Karlina picked this hat to wear, but it is a bit small. so it perched atop her head.



My mom got me a beanbag chair...and Sierra loves it. I sent this picture to my mom, who didn't see my caption about Sierra loving the beanbag chair. I guess the quality on her phone was poor. Her response, "is she in some kind of silver upright tunnel?"

A bit of miscommunication.


Mumzy getting in good Grandma time. Big sister trying to get Little Brother to sing "This Little Light of Mine." it's her favorite song. She loves hiding it under a bushel, not letting Satan *whoo* it out and letting it shine til Jesus comes. =)


So sweet.

Also, with the help of a friend from work, I discovered the most authentic Mexican food place...Taco Taxi.

It's in Minneapolis, which I hadn't really ventured to much. But it's pretty fantastic.
They speak spanish.
They have phenomenal carnitas y asada.
they had MANZANA SODA!
they made yummy grilled jalapenos and onions.
I felt like I was in LA. or Mexico.

COME VISIT ME! I HAVE A TACO JOINT! =)

golden birthday

Supposedly, your golden birthday is when you turn the age of the number your birthday is on. My birthday was April 5th, therefore my Fifth birthday would have been my golden birthday. Honestly, I don't even remember my fifth birthday, so it really doesn't count. I'm going to tell you a story instead about how my real golden birthday came to be.

once upon a time, there were two little girls.



These girls were schooled at home, and when they were done with their academics and their mothers let them play, these girls had the most interesting and fascinating topics of conversation.
During once such conversation, the subject was what age was the perfect age to stop at. Being around 11 or so, every age 18 and above seemed like it was grand. But one of the little girls mentioned that 23 was the perfect age to stay at. She said she thought it seemed like just old enough to be taken seriously, but not so old that you couldn't have fun anymore. (or something like that...the details have become hazy with time.) After thinking about what her dear friend said, the other little girl realized that she had a point...and the age of 23 became somewhat of a milestone to be reached.

Well ladies and gentlemen...one of those little girls (the one who was inspired by her friend's decision) has recently turned that perfect age to stop at. The other will be there in approximately two weeks!



I never thought I'd spend my twenty-third birthday in Minnesota. But what better way to start a new year...a GOLDEN year...but on a grand adventure!

And even though I wasn't with tons of my family and friends, those family and friends I have here celebrated me quite well =)

I have a group of girls here that I get together with weekly and while our goal is to work through and study the book of Acts, sometimes we spend our time just talking and catching up on life and praying. These girls have been such a blessing to me for so many reasons. They've accepted me into their group, invited me to hang out with them and have made room for me in their busy lives.
So the tuesday before my birthday, I was supposed to lead the group in our study of Paul's conversion on the road to Damascus (deep stuff...i was excited). But I get a text saying, "Be at our house at 7 on tue. Don't worry about leading this week...just come ready to celebrate!!!"

I was intrigued and excited. When I arrived, we all got ready to leave again and walked to Grand Ave. (such a great street with fun restaurants, shops, etc... all lining it). They took me to this yummy restaurant called Brasa. My friend is in the middle of getting a cooking job there and had told me such wonderful things about it that I was so excited to try it! We ate family style and shared around yummy dishes. And at the table, they presented me with:



One of the girls, Chaz, had this awesome idea to create a card with candy on it to fill in words! Since I am not a creative person, I totally was in AWE of it and loved it so much! plus, the memories were so sweet!


they were all watching me read it and trying to read my reaction. It was funny =)



They also gave me BALLOONS!!! (which they made me carry from dinner to the ice-cream place...where there were MORE balloons waiting for us! They planned it all out so well!)


Then they gifted me with this beautiful vase of spring flowers and a delightful card with words. (I know that may sound dumb to say it was a card with words...duh it was. But you have to understand that words mean a lot to me...you can forgo actual presents if you give me words. I mean i love actual presents too...but yeah, just saying.)

Then if that wasn't enough....

my actual birthday was on Thursday and I was scheduled to work that day. my friends Crystal and Tanya (from that same group of girls) had said that when I get off, I could come over for dessert and a movie. Well that was going to be pretty late and while I had said ok, I knew that it wasn't ideal.

Well my awesome co-worker Ryan said that he would stay later for me at work and so I got sent home by like 7:45. AWESOME! I changed quick and went over to Crystal and Tanya's, where they had a candle light dinner, mood music and good conversation. AND THEN my favorite dessert EVER. Tiramisu. and a movie. it was a good night.





I didn't get pictures of this, but Friday morning I went over to J&K's for a yummy french toast breakfast with their family and then hung out with Krissa and the kidlets for the day.

Overall my birthday was well celebrated. Got close to a hundred notifications on Facebook for my birthday, which is always exciting. got lots of texts. got some cards in the mail. got a huge package from my mumzy. (who is coming to visit me next week! YAY!)



Here is my puppy Sierra, who has grown SO MUCH!


That's what she used to look like.

Well thanks for reading...and for celebrating my golden year with me! We'll see what fun and exciting things God has in store!

the title with no significance.

I am two days away from being another year older. I really can't even believe it. Birthdays come way faster nowadays and they don't seem as exciting as they once were. But somehow, 23 sounds so much older than 22. Actually, when me and my best friend were growing up, 23 was our favorite number...we figured it would be the perfect age to stay at forever. We'll see if it's that magical!

My apologies for only posting once a week. Sometimes there just isn't inspiration...and I like to wait til the photos build up, so it's at least a little enticing for you to read.

Let's start with Sierra updates. My puppy is growing by leaps and bounds. Actually maybe that's not exactly accurate...but there IS a lot of leaping and bounding going on. But I do have to say that I'm so thankful she's not a hyper puppy.

As of right now, her biggest flaw is that she is still not ok being left alone for long periods of time. I had no idea, but apparently she had been barking and whining. My neighbor across the hall graciously told the building manager about it, who told me. But then the other night, she was whining after the quiet hours, and the units below me filed a complaint...which became an official first warning. (after the first warning, you get fined). So I have decided to take Sierra with me everywhere...except work. But I have neighbors who will watch her for me. ugh...I hope this stage doesn't last too long.

This morning I got out of the shower and this is what I found...


So she peed on her mat (GOOD GIRL!!!) aaand destroyed my toilet paper. (not so good girl). I should have known...I've been keeping it on the back of my toilet, but after cleaning the loft yesterday, I must have hung it back up. Whoops. Back of the toilet shall be its home.

After I got it all rolled back up, we practiced our "Leave it" or "Dejalo" command. she went and sat down by it and gave me these mournful puppy eyes as she fought the temptation to grab it again. The cuteness may have made up for the lost feet of toilet paper.

Next thing I know, I hear some strange noise, and I see her trying to get INTO the bathtub. now that's a new one. She knows that is where she gets her baths (well, showers, actually), and she hasn't HATED them...but I didn't think she'd be eager to get back into the tub.


As I type, she's laying next to me snoozing. She is getting more cuddly without needing to bite all my body parts. I'm really coming to enjoy and appreciate her presence more and more as she learns things like sleeping through the night, peeing on her mat, coming when I call etc...

Alright, on to my days with the sweetest lil kids. (FYI, I shall here on out refer to the kidlets as "Big Sister" and "Baby Brother" =)

Yesterday was library day. We go to Baby Story time...and Big Sister gets to hang out with other little kiddos her age.


It really is a great set-up and she loves reading the little board-books and singing the songs they lead us in. (her favorite right now is "Head, Shoulders, Knees and Toes." She knows most of the motions on her own!


She also loves sitting on any chair-like thing she can find. She'll go, climb up and just sit there...because she can.

Today was such a fun day. Maybe cuz she was just so cute.

Krissa got her these little heart-shaped sunglasses, and Big Sister absolutely LOVES them!

Not even dressed for the day and the sunglasses are on her head.


Doing some morning dancing and singing next to Baby Brother (Yes, that is on the dining room table...whoops.


Insert cute picture of Baby Brother in his little seat.

Then we decided to go to the park...and the Sunglasses had to come...even though it was overcast and windy and cold... but hey, the weather cannot stop fashion, let me tell you.


Sierra patiently waiting to go on the walk.


Big Sister looked so cool. Honestly, her facial expressions and the casualness with which she wore them kept me smiling all day. She was so into it, and I couldn't help but laugh...discreetly. Because she didn't know she was being so stinkin' adorable!



We started swinging at the park, and it was a bit blustery, so we put up her hood. Her glasses snuck down on her nose, and she didn't push them up...she just looked out over the top of them. Sierra kept trying to get her toes as she swang.

I asked her if she wanted her blanket and she gave me the affirmative "Yah."



So we cocooned her right up, and continued swinging.

I wish I would have caught her cutest moment...we walked by a puddle and she was out of the stroller. She walked over and started stamping in it and doing her bouncing dance. Then she walked over to me to keep going...after going about three steps, she turns around and walks back to the puddle and stamps in it some more. We did this three or four times. She thought she was done, then realized she couldn't leave a treasure like the puddle behind without a few more stamps.

After I left their house, the sky cleared up and it was sunny and breezy and warm. So I went to a little park by my loft and took a nap.






Enjoyed it thoroughly.

Funny/strange story though: So I'm laying there quite obviously dozing. My eyes are closed, I'm on a blanket, my puppy is snoozing next to me...basically the message is clear: Don't come talk to me.

Well, I feel Sierra sort of sit up and so I crack an eyelid to see what grabbed her attention. Over on the sidewalk is a woman in her 50's with a fat little pug. And she's crossing over into the grass, heading toward me. I squeeze my eyes shut and think, "Pleeease do not come over here and comment on my puppy...I'm obviously resting. Who interrupts a resting person just to see their puppy?!"

Apparently this lady does.

She walks up (my eyes are still closed, hoping she'll get the message-she doesn't.)

"Ooooh what a beautiful little angel you have here!"

I roll over, mutter a "Thanks" and grab Sierra's leash as she starts to head toward the pug.

"Oooh you are just the sweetest little thing ever!? Little boy or little girl?"

"Girl." (hoping if my answers are short, she'll get the message-she doesn't.)

"Oooh what an angel! what's her name?" (seriously, she said "angel" and "ooooh" waay too many times)

"Sierra."

"Ooooh I just love that name! I also love the Sierra club!"

Haven't a clue what that is...haven't a clue why she's still here talking to my puppy AND to me, when all I want to do is sleep.

Finally, she says, "Thanks for letting me meet your puppy!"

Oh, but the story isn't over. I thought she was walking away and going to be gone. But no. As Sierra settles down a little, and I close my eyes to bask in the sunlight, I hear, "Oh yes, isn't she just the sweetest little angel?"

I open my eyes, and do a not-so-subtle roll over and look at where she is. She had gone about thirty feet behind me and was crouched down on the grass facing me on all fours next to her pug...getting as low to the ground as she could. She was staring at us, petting and talking to her pug about what an angel Sierra was. It was a little strange and discomforting. So I squeezed my eyes shut, pulled Sierra closer, and after about 5 minutes of her fawning over my dog from afar, she wandered off.

*sigh* Gotta love the variety of humanity out there!

Well tonight, I'm hanging out with some girls I met here and they are throwing a little birthday celebration for me! I'm really excited because I have to work on my actual birthday...and actually the whole weekend. So it'll be nice.

Last year on my birthday, two of my friends kidnapped me from class for the day and we had a most magnificent day together doing all sorts of fun stuff. I miss those girls...and while this year will be different, it will still be a blessing, I'm sure.

Thanks for reading and being patient with my updates...I'll try to stay a little more consistent.