watching sheep.

"Suz...Williams' New Testament class is SO awesome!  we were talking about some super awesome things today!" 

I had just met my brother in the Biola University Caf for a quick lunch and some quality time together.  At this excited declaration, I got a big grin on my face.  I always smile when I remember my college days, especially when some of my favorite professors are referenced.  Williams is no exception.  His Gospel of John class was hands down one of the most life changing and amazing classes I took at Biola.  I'm SO excited my brother has him for a prof.  I had a fleeting thought that I should try to find out when his office hours are.  But knowing him, he was probably wandering around campus meeting up with students.  He definitely isn't the "office hours" type. 

The afternoon passed uneventfully.  Joe and I sat in the library for a while.  He worked on homework, and I began an AMAZING Ted Dekker book.  He soon left to take a nap and do some other things and I stayed behind to continue my reading.  I was planning on meeting a friend, but those plans fell through, so I sat in the quiet familiarity of Biola Library and...finished the book.  WHO FINISHES A TED DEKKER BOOK IN ONE SITTING!? 

...apparently I do.

the dome of the library.  The theme for the library is "Light." So there are verses all around the walls about light.  There are many windows and skylights letting in natural light too.  I love it.

Anyway.  It was a delightful afternoon.  I glanced at my watch.  I was meeting my next friend around 7, and it was only a few minutes after 5.  But I had no reason to stay in the library, so I ventured outside.  The intense heat of the day had cooled a bit and a breeze was dancing through the trees.  I sighed and took a deep breath and meandered around students heading to and from classes.  Over on Metzger lawn, a few kids threw a frisbee around.  There were kids sitting on walls, chatting with each other, catching up on the days and weeks events.  I was filled with nostalgia as I remembered how centered my life had been around college.  I loved it so much, and had always had some part of my identity defined by being a student.  I thought over who I was now.  It was hard to label it.  What was I doing with my life?  Where would I be in a few years? 

As I walked by Fluer Fountain, I scanned the faces.  A year and a half past graduating, familiar faces on campus were becoming fewer and farther between.  All the sudden, I saw someone out of the corner of my eye sitting around a table under the trellis of vines and roses. I felt my insides smile as we made brief eye contact.  This was the man!  The one my brother was so excited about.  The  one who so impacted my walk with Jesus in the span of one semester.  I wasn't sure he remembered me.  Afterall, he thought my name was Katie most of the semester.  And although we talked extensively after class at least once a week, he has had hundreds of students and I was not expecting the response I got from him. 

I held his gaze and in a few seconds, recognition lit up his eyes.  He got a huge smile on his face and pointed at me and mouthed, "You!?"  I smiled back at him and gave a little wave.  He got up from his conversation and came over to meet me.  "What are you doing here!?  You're graduated right, so I can give you a hug??"  I laughed, confirmed that I was indeed graduated, and welcomed his warm embrace.  We shared a few pleasantries, I told him my brother was in his class and how much he enjoyed it.  He told a story, we laughed...and then he asked me "The Question."  The "what are you up to these days" question.  When I informed him of where I was and what I was doing I must have looked wistful or had some kind of face, because he said, "And you're hating it...?"  I told him I wasn't hating it.  He said, "Then it's probably like you're happy but you wonder the timeline for things."  I told him that was exactly it.  That I just wanted to know when things were going to happen.  I told him I get impatient sometimes with this season and wish God would let me in on what the next big thing would be or at the very least, when it would happen.  He smiled at me and said (paraphrasing here),

      "You remember what David was doing before he became King?  He was watching sheep in the field.  Listen to this.  Are you listening to me?  (He's a natural teacher!)  While David was sitting with the sheep in the field day in and day out, he had to be wondering where his life was going to lead.  I mean, just read the Psalms.  He wrote some of those during those long hours out there.  Ups and downs of his emotions, joys and struggles of those times.  But that was all God shaping a foundation for him.  He was discovering God in a new way. when he would become king, all caught up in the busyness of life and things seemed to be falling apart, he had a solid foundation to fall back on.  This time for you there is shaping a foundation.  You're watching sheep.  Read through the Psalms, build a foundation. Soon enough life is going to get busy and you'll need to remember this time God is giving you to grow strong in Him." 

He stopped, a crazy grin lighting up his face, "Oh man!  I'm so excited for you.  Just talking about this gets me so...excited!!"  He held up his hand for a high five.  I smacked his hand with excitement, still smiling.  He went on, "You know what? I'm so glad I saw you today...this was perfect timing. "  

I thanked him and told him that meeting him, and what he had just told me could not have been more timely.  He said playfully, "Well, maybe don't be there for ten years, but yeah, for sure use this time!  I want you to email me in a year and tell me where you are and what you're doing so I can see how it is working out."  I told him I would and bid him farewell.  

As I walked away, I couldn't contain the joy bursting inside me.  In fact, it was literally breathtaking.  I drew in a deep breath, smiling and wanting to just let out a shout.  Instead I grinned wildly (I'm sure passersby thought I was nuts) and repeated over and over in my mind, "Thank you Jesus...so much. I love you."  There were no other words.  

In another moment, it was all I could do not to stop everyone I saw and tell them what an amazing encounter I just had.  I can't explain why it impacted me so much.  Maybe it's because I respect and miss Williams so much.  Maybe because the timing was spot on.  Maybe because it was unexpected.  Maybe because it was a fantastic combination of the three.  All I know was this was not on accident. 

I walked to the top of the parking structure and looked out over the vast stretch of city.  Clear, cloudless skies as far as the eye could see.  Slender Palms swayed in the breeze.  Powerlines marked a pathway across the miles.  Mountains loomed off in the distance.  Golden sun dipping lower into the western sky.  distant laughs and chatter of happy kids.  I wanted that moment to last forever.  My heart was full. 

So...when I'm missing college, or wondering what i'm doing with my life, or wishing things would happen by my timing, or when I don't understand what all this is for.... I'll remember that this is my season of life for watching sheep.  Discovering God in new ways in this slower-paced lifestyle.   Learning to express my feelings and doubts and questions but be willing to grow and change.   

Psalm 5:1-3

Give ear to my words, O Lord,
Consider my groaning.
 Heed the sound of my cry for help, my King and my God,
For to You I pray.
 In the morning, O Lord,You will hear my voice;
In the morning I will order my prayer to You and eagerly watch.

Psalm 6:2-4

Be gracious to me, O Lord, for I am pining away;
Heal me, O Lord, for my bones are dismayed.
 And my soul is greatly dismayed;
But You, O Lord—how long?

 Return, O Lord, rescue my soul;
Save me because of Your lovingkindness.

Psalm 16:7-11

I will bless the Lord who has counseled me;
Indeed, my and instructs me in the night.
 I have set the Lord continually before me;
Because He is at my right hand, I will not be shaken.
Therefore my heart is glad and my glory rejoices;
My flesh also will dwell securely.
 For You will not abandon my soul to Sheol;
Nor will You allow Your Holy One to undergo decay.

 You will make known to me the path of life;
In Your presence is fullness of joy;
In Your right hand there are pleasures forever.

Amen.