the air on my skin...

...and the world under my toes"

That is one of my favorite lines from one of my favorite songs... here's some more of it.  I don't know why I like it, actually...but I do.   

People walk around pushing back their debts
Wearing pay checks like necklaces and bracelets
Talking 'bout nothing, not thinking about death
Every little heart beat, every little breath

People walk a tight rope on a razor's edge
Carrying their hurt and hatred and weapons
It could be a bomb or a bullet or a pen
Or a thought or a word or a sentence

There ain't no reason things are this way
It's how they've always been and they intend to stay
I don't know why I say the things I say,
But I say them anyway

But love will come set me free
Love will come set me free
I do believe

 I apologize for my absence as of late.  Among other things, I started a new job!  This would be a third job for me and pushes my weekly hours of working to a nice 50-60 =) It definitely keeps me busy, but I love it.  I work at an elementary school about 10 minutes from my loft on the west side of St. Paul.  I love it because it is a school that has a lot of ethnic diversity and has kids on the precipice of a rough road ahead.  I know that is a strange reason to love it...but one of my passions are kids who come from broken or poor homes, who feel the need to prove to the world that they are not forgotten...which usually manifests itself in negative ways.  The 5th graders I've had the pleasure of working with are no exception.  I hear these 10-11 year olds say things that I never would have dreamed of saying.  The names they call each other, the knowledge they have of very adult-themed things...it amazes and saddens me.  And as exhausting, frustrating and ridiculously long my days with them seem, I thrive on touching these lives in some small way.  

Today one of the boys was having an attitude and I was being pretty straight forward with him, telling him to follow instructions and that I wasn't messing around and just because I'm pretty new doesn't mean he can disobey me.  He was NOT happy, and let me know.  During art class, I crouched by his table and said, "Look, Jesse, I've only worked here a little bit but I already know you have it in you to be an awesome kid.  So when Miss Brie asks you to do something, i know you can do it. "  He replied with, "Nuh-uh!  I'm a bad kid, and I don't behave and I'm terrible at art."  I insisted that wasn't true and that I had seen otherwise.  He told me, "Well the only kind of art I'm good at is graffiti."  So I asked him to show me what he can do during free sketch time.  So this is what he created.  

He was very proud of it and ended up giving it to me at the end of class.  I could see that not only did he like that I asked and appreciated what he could do, but that he had a budding talent and that it could be used for good.  

All that to say, I am enjoying it.  Not sure how long I'll be there, but it definitely speaks to my heart.  

Alright, on to more pictures and exciting events of the past weeks!

Karlina and her chips!

 kidlets swinging!

Miss K lookin cute and crazy!

Ender loves the swing...and especially loves trying to eat it!!

 

Pretty fall view of train tracks =)

My dear sweet friends heather and tasha came to visit me last weekend! it was so much fun to have girl time and hang out and catch up!

We went to one of my favorite lunch places here in St. Paul called the Cheeky Monkey.  It is delicious. And anyone who has visited me has experienced it.  You may want to come visit me, just to experience it too =)

MISS KARLINA TURNED 2!!!!

Karlina and her buddy Don K. 

K's bday was Puppy themed.  So she had a rice-crispy treat, bone-shaped "cake."  (She's gluten free, so it was perfect!)  And a little puppy-bowl full of gf brownie "kibbles."  And her own personal puppy standing nearby like he always is. 

 

 She was SO excited and loved the celebration!

The candles really captivated her, and she just crouched down and would look at them with this awed grin on her face.  

 Don K told Miss Karlina to eat the "bone" like a puppy.  So she happily complied.  it was so cute! 

Whenever she's wanted a piece of the leftover "cake" she says: Auntie, puppy bones pleeeease!

 Opening up her gifts. Lots of puppy-themed gifts.  

This is her showing her new car with a puppy that rides in the back seat.  Just like Auntie! (my puppy rides in the back of my car too!)

 

 

Here's my only new picture of Ender!  He loves bath time. and I don't think his eyes can get any wider!! 

 

This is Karlina's newest play-spot.  The other day, she disappeared and i heard her talking to herself somewhere.  I went in the kitchen and found her here.  She opens the corner cupboard and makes a little fort with the doors and then sits in there and plays "cooking" with the random dishes and such.  

 

 I love her.

So there's a little update on my life.  Stay tuned for more exciting events to come....

I mean, afterall, it DID snow today. 

WHAT?! yes. i did say snow.

I was hoping it would wait a little longer.  But it appears to be the beginning of the end.  One of my besties keeps reminding me how amazing winter is and that I'll just love it too.  

I'm looking forward to that. -ish.

=)

the card.

It was a beautiful day at Biola University.   Part way into my Spring Semester, and I was having some roommate struggles, some classmate/group project struggles.  I was dealing with some stuff at work...and all of those things were clouding my otherwise blessed life. I had just finished up at chapel and so I went to check my mailbox... and I found a little card in with my mail. 

Top is the front, Bottom is the back.  

At first I thought it was some sort of promotion or advertisement, but there was absolutely no other words or symbols on the entire thing. 

It was really cool, but i figured they put one in every mailbox and so I smiled to myself at yet another reason why going to a Christian University was so cool-- and stuck it in my pocket.  

Later that day, I remembered it and thought about how some of those words had described me recently and I needed that reminder that I was loved despite all my insecurities and circumstances.  

it was, as they say, "perfect timing."

I later asked my roommate if she got one. 

She hadn't.  

I asked a few other people randomly over the next few days...I met one or two who had, and several more who hadn't.  

One of my friends worked in the mail room and said that someone came into the mail room with them, told them that they had prayed over the cards and wanted to stick them in random people's mail boxes, trusting that they would go to people who needed them.  

That made it even more special.  It was "luck of the draw", and I had gotten one of the cards with such a simple yet impacting message. 

I stuck it in my truck, where I could see it, and there it has been for about two years.  

Early this summer, I went to get Simon washed and cleaned inside and out.  When I went to pick him up at the end, I got back in and as I was driving away, I noticed that my card was gone!  

I looked all around, and couldn't find it anywhere.  (that sounds much more tame than it actually was.  I scoured the truck.)

I felt this unexpected emotion rise up in me.  It was a sense of loss and sadness and a kind of emptiness.  I had come to expect that little pep-talk to be there every day, reminding me of a greater truth...and now it was gone.  Bummed, I called my dad and told him about it.  He remembered the card right away.  In fact, anyone who has driven or ridden in my truck knows about it.  He said to me, "Suz, I know it's frustrating and sad to lose something like that.  But God gave it to you in a time and for a season when you really needed it, and he will give you something else for this time and season.  Look for the next gift he will give you."  

If I'm being honest, I'm not sure if I ever found something tangible for this season quite like the card.  And as time passed, I forgot about the card, and the place it sat in my truck didn't look so void and empty.  

Recently, I have been really wrestling with some things in my life.  Expectations, misconceptions, things that aren't turning out like I planned--which has lead to several of the emotions/thoughts that were on that card.  I have been trying to find answers from God.  Specific answers that would help clear up some of the things I was facing.  

I was crying on my way home from somewhere one afternoon, singing songs loudly (which is what I do when I'm frustrated or confused or need to let out excess emotion).  When I parked, I opened my door and then just paused and put my hand on my steering wheel and rested my head on my arm.  I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, readying myself for the next thing in my day.  When I opened my eyes, I caught a glimpse of something in the side pocket of my door.  

It was the card!  My card!  

Somehow in all of my frantic searching of the truck all those months ago, I had missed this corner of this pocket.  

I got a huge smile on my face as I read the words on the front again, identifying some key ones I had been feeling.  Then I turned it over and read the simple reminder. 

"Remember...I am loved every second of the day."  

 

A rush of warmth, peace and comfort filled my soul.  It was like looking in the face of an old friend.  Gratefulness filled my heart as the obvious realization that this was a classic example of "perfect timing."  

There were no clear-cut answers written in the sky.  No specific directives.  But that was ok.  The issue that needed addressing wasn't the guidance I was seeking.  It was that I was feeling all of those things and I needed a core truth.  The rest would fall into place when the time was right.

That card was gone for a season...and brought back at just the right time, so I wouldn't take the message for granted, but rather could hear the simple truth and know it in my life in this moment.  

 Now the card sits back in its rightful place.  

Not only is it special because of what it says, but it has a story... it has an added depth and is a constant reminder that I am loved, cared for and remembered.

If you ever borrow Simon or come take a ride with me, you'll see it there and you can smile with  me about how perfectly God planned this way back when it was in a stack of cards being prayed over and stuck in random mailboxes at Biola University.  

So,  When you feel...

ugly. inadequate. hurt. unlovable. betrayed. unworthy. down. sad. torn. devastated. grieved. weak. abandoned. broken. lost. sorrow. heartache. wretched. 

Remember...

I am loved every second of the day. 

fall.

The title may look simple enough.  But MY GOODNESS.  my insides are screaming:  FALL!?  WHAT IN THE WORLD HAPPENED TO SUMMER!  SINCE WHEN DO WE HAVE TO CHANGE SO DRASTICALLY OVERNIGHT!?  LITERALLY OVER NIGHT!  AHHHH!!!  

ok I'll be done with the caps.  Seriously though.  Yesterday it was 80.  Today it was 52 and the perfect description of blustery.  kind of overcast, kind of patchy blue skies occasionally.  brisk wind blowing all the yellowed leaves onto the ground.  Nippy air.  Cold chapped fingers and lips.  

It's kind of fun.  Kind of.  Until I realize that this is just the beginning of a VERY long 6-7 months.  An amount of time I'm not sure I'll survive.  Oh look at me, being all dramatic.  *sigh*  I suppose I'll survive.  But you have to understand, I'm surrounded by people who are in love with this time of year.  and when I say in love...I mean it.  They "ooh" and "ahhh" and give me lists upon growing lists of why fall/winter is so fantabulous.  They tell stories and give me tips and pointers.  They take every opportunity to rub it in that this season is fast approaching and it's the best. thing. ever.  

I think it's supposed to convince me to think like them. but in reality, it makes me want to dig in my heels and REBEL!!!  I will NOT like winter.  I will NOT like the cold.  I will FOR SURE buy me a sun-lamp and a wall-to-wall beach poster and a lapping-wave-sound-machine.  

In preparation for this magnificent (?) time of year, I bought me some gloves with fingers that can still text on my phone!  This is my favorite purchase so far.  I mean, seriously. the worst part about gloves is that you used to have to remove them to do anything on a touch-screen phone.  BUT NOW...with geniuses using their minds to create new and wonderful inventions...I can keep my dedos warm AND use my iPhone.  brillllllllliant!

 

Alright. pictures.  

 

So these lovely bugs are called....ugh, i actually don't remember. But they are black and orange. They fly. Kind of.  They mainly sit in clumps on white surfaces.  

JUST GOOGLED IT.  boxelder bugs.  bleh.  They're like Junebugs in CA.  

Everywhere. All the time. clinging. walking. flying. nasty. 

Miss K loves giving Sierra hugs.  She sits on her back and just cuddles her.  Sierra lets her...so that's good.  

Oh this delightful puppy.  Who can contort into weird shapes.  She's crazy. 

 Case in point.  She apparently did not like my late band's first album. 

 Love these fall days with the kiddos.  This one was warm enough to be barefoot...pretty sure that's changed for good now. 

 Here we are waiting for Simon to get his oil changed.  I'm not even going to say how long it's been.  Every time I would get in and drive I'd think that maybe I'd blow up.  (not quite sure what happens when you don't change your oil for.... HA. you thought I was gonna tell you how long. too bad.)  But now I can drive safely without fearing for my life.  And poor Simon is finally in good health. 

 This past week a family from church was helping their neighbors host a Cross Country Pasta Dinner.  I went over to lend my services.  As it turns out, I didn't do much...but it sure was fun to be included in this event.  I can't really explain it, but being a part of these people's everyday lives/events makes me feel more at home...

Anyway, these are all the shoes in the front entry way.  It was quite the sight. 

 Karlina trying on Mommy's high-heels.  Krissa always wears the highest heels and walks so well in them.  Karlina was having a bit of trouble...but felt very proud of herself.  

 She wanted to do all these things with the heels on.  Apparently it made her feel grown up.  One of the things she wanted to do was kiss Ender.  You can see him pre-cringe and her barely able to balance.  Thankfully the kiss happened without her head-butting him.

 Oh the leaves.  This is one of the glorious things about the changing of the seasons.  I can't get enough!  I love driving places and looking at all the colors.  In fact, I sometimes drive past my destination and go around the block or something so I can see more trees.  So beautiful. 

 This is the entrance to the dog park.  Today was so glorious there.  Cool and windy with brilliant colors. 

 This is a branch that extends a foot or two past each dog's mouth.  They were having so much fun playing tug-of-war.   As I watched them I tried imagining why pulling as hard as you could on a branch using just your mouth would be this much fun.  hey...whatever floats their boat, eh?

 sky and clouds. 

Birch trees (at least I think that's what they are)

 

 

 See how beautiful it is!?  I absolutely love coming here and walking, singing, thinking and praying.  

So maybe fall isn't too bad.  I am learning to enjoy each day for what it holds...and not think too far into the future.  =)

Tune in soon for a post about the deeper thoughts of life that I've had lately.  =)