Identity

Who am I? 

I feel like this is a loaded question. 

To preface... facebook is posing some problems for me.  Actually my cousin posted an article recently about how facebook negatively impacts people.  Leads to depression etc... 

And I can see why that is. 

I have found that I question my identity more when I see all my beautiful friends on facebook who are doing impossibly beautiful and exciting things, having adorable babies, planning fabulously coordinated weddings, being so economically savvy and "green."  They have wise words, fun pictures, amazing houses, are part of higher-education programs, and have successful jobs.  

Who am I?  All of the sudden all of the beautiful, exciting, coordinated, economical, wise, godly things in my life just aren't enough.  I find myself second guessing things, wondering how their lives turned out so...complete...packaged...perfect...?  

You might be saying, Suzy...who are you kidding...no one's life is perfect come on.  And then you'll riff a list of reasons why your life isn't perfect.  That's not the point.  It doesn't matter if your life is perfect or not.  I still look at it and mine is sub par. 

Another friend posted on facebook an article about joining the "Mother Club."  And what torture it can be to be amongst the most prestigious club, and yet feeling totally inadequate because you won't be "super cute mommy" or "physically fit mommy"  or  "crafty mommy"  or "homemaker mommy"  or "super godly mommy"  all at the same time.  

And I realized that if/when I ever have kids, I can already tell this will be a problem area for me.  I don't even have children and I read mothers' blogs and posts and immediately feel threatened for how I'm NOT EVEN RAISING MY OWN CHILDREN YET! It's sad really.  

Who am I?  

I am a married 24-year-old living in Minnesota.  Married to an *awesome* man who loves me so much. Between jobs.  Renting an old house (recently re-painted rooms, though).  Raising a spirited dog. I am daughter, grand-daughter, niece, sister, cousin, Auntie, friend.  I have beautiful wedding pictures.  I have lots of memories with my friends and family.  I have a bachelor's degree.  I have a blog that people I don't even know read. 

 My sheets are eggplant purple.

 I believe in spanking my kids someday.  I don't believe in organic products or cloth diapers.  I will probably name my kids something that someone doesn't like. 

 I like talking a lot.  I can handle the snow for about 20 minutes at a time.  I am afraid of spiders, yellow traffic lights, cops and displeasing people.  

I don't like chocolate, shopping or purses.  

As much as I enjoy making my home in Minnesota, I am a California girl at heart, and sometimes I miss it so bad it hurts.  

My truck's name is Simon. 

I grew up with only brothers and no sisters.  

my parents are the most supportive, loving, wise and godly people I had the privilege of being raised by.

But all of these things are temporary.  and they may or may not be better or worse than somebody else's identity.  And as happy as I am with my life (trust me, I truly am blessed at the hand of God), somehow I am always lacking. 

so if my identity is not secure in any of these things...what is it secure in?

Well that's easy.  Jesus.

But I'll admit, it's not always that easy to live as if my identity is secure in him. 

 so whenever my identity comes into question, I remind myself that it is not the identity of human Suzy that I have...but I have Christ who lives in me and is my identity. 

 I have been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me. And the life I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.

(Galations 2:20)

But you are a chosen race, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people for his own possession, that you may proclaim the excellencies of him who called you out of darkness into his marvelous light.

(1 Peter 2:9)

called out of darkness.  

the life I live is by faith in the Son of God.

Lord, I want to engrave these words on my heart.  I want to clean off the windows of my heart...wipe away all the shadows of my own earthly identity so that the pure clean light of your identity can shine though.  So that when people encounter me, Lord...they are not just meeting Suzy with all of her earthly accomplishments and facets of life, but rather are meeting Suzy, girl who has been grafted into the Vine of Jesus Christ and no longer bears her own name, but Yours.  

I acknowledge that my earthly identity was shaped and formed by You.  and so was my spiritual identity.  

When the Enemy whispers in my ear that I am not good enough as so-and-so, I ask that you remind me, as you often do, that I am yours...and only you define me. 

This is my heart's desire. 

Amen.