the pressure

Hello faithful readers...of a not-so-faithful writer.  

I'll be honest... it's the pressure.  

The more blogs I read of people I know (or don't know, for that matter), the more pressure I feel to say something funny, or profound, or be passionate about some item or hobby or recipe...I feel like I need amazing photographs or cute kids or a really well-articulated point of view on a highly controversial topic.  

But that's not why I started this blog.  I guess my blogging self-esteem takes a hit sometimes when i all the sudden feel like I have nothing but dull, random thoughts to spew across the screen.  

but i digress. 

(i actually don't think i used that phrase correctly...but all good bloggers "i digress," so I thought I'd toss one in.  just googled it to see how to use it in a sentence...didn't really help)

...but really, i think i do digress at this point. 

whatever. 

since there was no real topic to this blog (the list of potential blog-topics never got written down, so they are buried under brain synapses that are buzzing and snapping regarding more pressing things.)

what more pressing things could there be besides blogging topics, you might ask?  

I'll be happy to tell you.  

I am realizing in my job (which is increasingly stressful) that I am not a confrontational person.  At least not in the traditional sense.  In fact, I used to pride myself on not being passive aggressive...but I'm afraid I may be slipping into that...it's Minnesota.  These people...can't just say it like it is.  

but i digress. (there, was that right?)

At this point in time, my client is posing less challenges for me than management.  Now I'm not here to bad-mouth the company I work for (because they'll probably google me sometime and find this blog and search for incriminating evidence), but there have been some frustrations with this new adolescent program launching that have taken their sweet time in being ironed out.  It ends up that whichever staff are on duty just gab and complain and compare notes about our various frustrations.  Whenever our supervisor hears us, he gets really frustrated because he thinks we are being really catty.  And maybe we are.  I told him one day, though that sometimes we need to vent, trouble-shoot, potentially problem solve and at the very least just see if other people are on the same page as us so we know we aren't going crazy.  

Anyway, back to being a non-traditional confrontationalist.  I realized that if you talk to people respectfully, like you genuinely have concerns and want to find a solution to the problem, they tend to listen to you more...  this includes things like: 

specific examples of poor employee work ethic without using names.  use specific shift times, details of the incident and express how you're concerned an individual may be affecting how we can effectively do our job...

Asking questions about "hypothetical situations" (which may have actually happened?) and ask for advice or clarification for myself personally on how to handle these situations if they should happen in the future.

Is that passive aggressive?  I don't know.  Does it gain respect from my boss, allow me to express my frustration and hopefully see positive changes made?  Definitely. 

So if that is passive aggression....Well folks...I may be officially Minnesotan. 

Personally, I see it as the fine-tuned art of navigating the social strata of workplace interactions and getting desired results regarding difficult people/situations without being spiteful or malevolent  

but i digress (i feel like a legit writer every time i write that).

Other than that (which takes a lot of brain energy), I am still navigating winter (don't ask details, i'm holding up rather delicately at this point), I am in love with my husband (as anyone in a relationship knows, this can take a fair amount of energy too),  I am hosting a baby shower this weekend (yes i have help, yes i've had a few nightmares about not being prepared, no my living room may not hold 15+ ladies, no i have not done my grocery shopping, yes i realize it is valentines day the day before and i have yet to come up with a concrete gift/card for my S.O...and no, valentines is not overrated...we like excuses to have special date nights).

*deep breath*

It really is time for me to go to bed.

Team meeting tomorrow...more of that delicate social navigation and broaching sensitive topics with opinionated people in a way that make them think that the positive change ideas I have are actually their ideas so they are on board....

i was gonna insert another digressive moment here...but decided to spare you all. 

my apologies for choosing to blog with a tired and slightly cynical mindset.

IT WAS THE PRESSURE!