I literally sat at my computer, staring at the screen, unsure of what to write. stupid writer's block. Then I realized, I have yet to update my blog-reading populous of the ending of an era for me.
About two weeks ago, I worked my last day at SGHS for my internship. The feelings I had were mixed with expected and unexpected. For those of you who don't know me very well, change is not something I enjoy or anticipate. In fact, I fight it. When my mom wanted to change the living room up, I tried to convince her not to. When I quit home schooling and started "real" high school, I cried almost every day for the first few weeks. See...I get in a rhythm and become comfortable...and consequently complacent. God likes to shake things up and move it around. And so far, after everything settles a bit, the changes in my life have blessed me beyond what I can imagine.
So. I'm learning to accept change as it comes, knowing that it'll all be ok. Leaving my internship was no exception. I was preparing myself in advance, knowing the day would come when I was leaving. I kept saying to myself, "Suz...it's ok. Change has always ended up good for you. Don't miss out on the last weeks of this because you're worried about the end." See, that's a common theme for me. I am so focused on the end and the date of change that I totally stop enjoying the last moments I have in the place I love. But I wasn't gonna do that this time.
There are few adequate words to describe what working Probation was like for me. I loved every aspect of it. Sure, filing paperwork isn't riveting and scanning documents can be tedious...but seriously, I loved it all. My supervisor probably thought I was just kissing up and trying to make a good impression. Then I'm pretty sure he thought I was just plain crazy.
Reading case files, talking to kids, listening to parents, lunch-time supervision, writing reports, sitting in on court, attending school meetings...everything was an adventure and learning experience. Plus it combines all the things that I would consider are my passions: hurting/broken kids, speaking spanish, spreading the light and love of Jesus, crime and Los Angeles.
I'd leave every day with a smile on my face and think to myself, "THIS is what I was meant to do." I was amazed at how well a job can fit someone so well. Sometimes it feels like cheating to enjoy a profession so much.
Anyone who knows me can attest. One day I got home from internship and my cousin was at my house and he said, "Wow...you must love what you do because your face is really happy and glowing." And my parents have heard enough stories to satisfy any crime-craving-curiosity they might have had for the rest of their lives.
So ending this era was hard for me. I went home and wrote down every one of my kids' names in my journal so I wouldn't forget them and keep them as a prayer list. (Ha..."my kids"...I'm so possessive!) But I have invested time into these kids. I've read their files, I've had meetings with them, I've handed out consequences, I've tracked grades/attendance, I've met with their parents, I've been to their court hearings, I've even been to one of their houses. and I want to know where they end up. Ugh...my supervisor said I was always more Social-worker than Probation officer. Trust me, though...I had no problem sending them to camp or putting them on house arrest if they needed it. I feel I was very well balanced =) (and just fyi, no I didn't get to make those final decisions...I was JUST the intern. But my supervisor did let me toss my ideas out there to consider)
I will miss my supervisor. I couldn't have asked for anyone better to teach me the ropes of the profession. We made such a great team. Imagine us walking around campus at lunch time. He's tall, big and black; I'm short, small and white...and we're surrounded by 3,500 Hispanic kids. we were awesome. So, we'll be in touch. He's convinced I'll spend three weeks in the winter and beg to come back. He also said he's looking for Probation jobs for me so that I HAVE to come back.
I knew the school, the counselors, the dean, the student aides. All familiar faces that I will probably never see again.
ugh...and I'm moving to Minnesota. a lifetime away from that high school in Southern California. Whaaaat am I thinking!?
At this point, though, the future is exciting...and I honestly don't know when or where I'll work probation again. God knows how much I love it. He'll know when I get to work it again. In the mean time, I'm going to enjoy the changes my life is taking. Because seriously, I get to nanny my adorable niece. and live in an awesome lil' loft. and bond with my brother and sister-in-law. These are awesome changes. It's one of the first times I've been able to hand it all over to God and trust my passions/skills/experiences with him. Because he gave them to me...he'll know what to do with them and he'll keep them safe until I use them in Probation again.
So to the kids and PO of SGHS, it's been fun...seriously. and it's been real. more real than I could have asked for. Pretty sure I'll never forget you guys and all the grief you gave me ;) I will continue to pray for you all. And I plan on checking in with the PO to see where all of you end up on your next court dates. Your lives and hearts mean so much to me. adios muchachos.
About two weeks ago, I worked my last day at SGHS for my internship. The feelings I had were mixed with expected and unexpected. For those of you who don't know me very well, change is not something I enjoy or anticipate. In fact, I fight it. When my mom wanted to change the living room up, I tried to convince her not to. When I quit home schooling and started "real" high school, I cried almost every day for the first few weeks. See...I get in a rhythm and become comfortable...and consequently complacent. God likes to shake things up and move it around. And so far, after everything settles a bit, the changes in my life have blessed me beyond what I can imagine.
So. I'm learning to accept change as it comes, knowing that it'll all be ok. Leaving my internship was no exception. I was preparing myself in advance, knowing the day would come when I was leaving. I kept saying to myself, "Suz...it's ok. Change has always ended up good for you. Don't miss out on the last weeks of this because you're worried about the end." See, that's a common theme for me. I am so focused on the end and the date of change that I totally stop enjoying the last moments I have in the place I love. But I wasn't gonna do that this time.
There are few adequate words to describe what working Probation was like for me. I loved every aspect of it. Sure, filing paperwork isn't riveting and scanning documents can be tedious...but seriously, I loved it all. My supervisor probably thought I was just kissing up and trying to make a good impression. Then I'm pretty sure he thought I was just plain crazy.
Reading case files, talking to kids, listening to parents, lunch-time supervision, writing reports, sitting in on court, attending school meetings...everything was an adventure and learning experience. Plus it combines all the things that I would consider are my passions: hurting/broken kids, speaking spanish, spreading the light and love of Jesus, crime and Los Angeles.
I'd leave every day with a smile on my face and think to myself, "THIS is what I was meant to do." I was amazed at how well a job can fit someone so well. Sometimes it feels like cheating to enjoy a profession so much.
Anyone who knows me can attest. One day I got home from internship and my cousin was at my house and he said, "Wow...you must love what you do because your face is really happy and glowing." And my parents have heard enough stories to satisfy any crime-craving-curiosity they might have had for the rest of their lives.
So ending this era was hard for me. I went home and wrote down every one of my kids' names in my journal so I wouldn't forget them and keep them as a prayer list. (Ha..."my kids"...I'm so possessive!) But I have invested time into these kids. I've read their files, I've had meetings with them, I've handed out consequences, I've tracked grades/attendance, I've met with their parents, I've been to their court hearings, I've even been to one of their houses. and I want to know where they end up. Ugh...my supervisor said I was always more Social-worker than Probation officer. Trust me, though...I had no problem sending them to camp or putting them on house arrest if they needed it. I feel I was very well balanced =) (and just fyi, no I didn't get to make those final decisions...I was JUST the intern. But my supervisor did let me toss my ideas out there to consider)
I will miss my supervisor. I couldn't have asked for anyone better to teach me the ropes of the profession. We made such a great team. Imagine us walking around campus at lunch time. He's tall, big and black; I'm short, small and white...and we're surrounded by 3,500 Hispanic kids. we were awesome. So, we'll be in touch. He's convinced I'll spend three weeks in the winter and beg to come back. He also said he's looking for Probation jobs for me so that I HAVE to come back.
I knew the school, the counselors, the dean, the student aides. All familiar faces that I will probably never see again.
ugh...and I'm moving to Minnesota. a lifetime away from that high school in Southern California. Whaaaat am I thinking!?
At this point, though, the future is exciting...and I honestly don't know when or where I'll work probation again. God knows how much I love it. He'll know when I get to work it again. In the mean time, I'm going to enjoy the changes my life is taking. Because seriously, I get to nanny my adorable niece. and live in an awesome lil' loft. and bond with my brother and sister-in-law. These are awesome changes. It's one of the first times I've been able to hand it all over to God and trust my passions/skills/experiences with him. Because he gave them to me...he'll know what to do with them and he'll keep them safe until I use them in Probation again.
So to the kids and PO of SGHS, it's been fun...seriously. and it's been real. more real than I could have asked for. Pretty sure I'll never forget you guys and all the grief you gave me ;) I will continue to pray for you all. And I plan on checking in with the PO to see where all of you end up on your next court dates. Your lives and hearts mean so much to me. adios muchachos.
3 comments:
hey suzy, you all gonna fit in that loft? lol
You know, that's an idea... we did have 5 people in 800 sq. ft. growing up... we should be able to do it again... We can put Suz in the attic-thingy and the new baby in the bathtub. And get everyone earplugs and those eye-cover thingys.
ooh i like it. it'll be cozy...but what better way to spend the winter? =P
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