hope.

I've been thinking about a post about hope for several days now.  But it might not be about what you think.  Also bear with me...I have had a muddled mix of thoughts and am only organizing them now, so my conclusions might change between now and the end.

  I was driving with a friend last night and we were talking about some hard things we've been going through, and about how the good/bad things in life ebb and flow.  And I said how I was going to write a blog about hope, and after a pause stated emphatically,  "because hope really stinks sometimes."  To which she replied, "Totally not where I was expecting you to go with that..."

Basically I have mixed views on hope.  I mean, I know as a believer hope is one of the major things makes living on this earth worth it.  "Hope of life eternal" is a phrase that is not uncommon to many Christian ears. So I guess my mixed views don't have anything to do with my eternal hope, or the hope I have in Jesus Christ...let's just focus on earthly hope. 

"Hope you have a good day today."

"I hope you're feeling better!"

"I hope he calls me back."

"I hope we're ok."

"I hope she realizes she was wrong and changes."

In the span of four commercials on the radio yesterday morning, two of them mentioned hope.  

"We hope you come visit us soon!"  

"Hopefully you can now see the importance of ____"

It's everywhere.  

Merriam-Webster says this about hope: To cherish a desire with anticipation.  

I really like that.  It sounds so full of life...so active...so hopeful.  

Hope is at the core of survival.  People cherish the desire that tomorrow will come and be better...and they do so with enough anticipation that it keeps them alive and sane through some incredibly difficult situations. 

But there's a flip side. 

I once heard of an innocent death-row inmate who was awaiting his execution, and was only a few weeks away.  His lawyer and family kept trying to appeal his case.  After a few tries, he asked them to stop.  He said it was easier to just accept the deep despair of dying an innocent man than to have a glimmer of hope and get it crushed if it didn't pan out.    

 Having hope leads to your heart being trampled, broken, crushed and bruised.  We have hope that the next time, they'll treat me better.  We have hope that there is a light at the end of the tunnel. And somehow, even after we are let down time and time again, we get back up, brush ourselves off and get back on the horse.  I'll admit though, that I am often weary of this process.  

CS Lewis also has a quote that came to mind after writing some of this.  Technically he is referring to love, but I think it can apply to hope.  [I'm inserting "hope" where he has "love"]

“To [hope] at all is to be vulnerable. [have hope in] anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact you must give it to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements. Lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket, safe, dark, motionless, airless, it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. To [hope] is to be vulnerable.”

So...Hope means I have to balance how I will react to two different outcomes.  Does that make sense at all?  If I hope that I get the job that moves me across the country, I have to ready myself for that, all the while ready myself for the possibility of not getting the job.  (This also applies hugely to almost every relationship in our life- family, friends, significant others etc...) Some people are true optimists, and will always prepare for the best outcome, not thinking of the negative outcome until faced with it.  Other people are pessimists who always prepare for or expect the worst so they are pleasantly surprised when the better outcome happens. 

I am both-and.  I try to balance it.  I want to weigh the pros and cons of both outcomes and prepare myself mentally or emotionally or however I need to.  This approach, however, takes a lot of thought and can be emotionally draining for me.  It makes me want to crawl in a hole where there are no choices. 

hope hurts.   I want to not have hope. 

Unfortunately for my little conclusion there, the God that I love and serve and who is living inside of me is a God of hope.  He created it, he gifted it to me and so it must be important somehow.  

May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit. – Romans 15:13

Therefore, prepare your minds for action; be self-controlled; set your hope fully on the grace to be given you when Jesus Christ is revealed. – 1 Peter 1:13

Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for he who promised is faithful. – Hebrews 10:23    

Hmm...that's convicting. and relieving.  and makes me smile.  and fills me with confidence.  

So maybe when I said earlier about this not being about God-hope...I shouldn't have separated them.  All hope is God-hope.  And just because there is hope permeating godly and ungodly lives all across the face of this earth just shows how present and involved God is here.    

 I guess that just makes me love Him and want to get to know him more and one day spend eternity with him figuring out what all this is about and for...

...and i cherish that desire with anticipation.