two for the price of one

That's what you're getting.  Two blog posts...in one.  SO. be prepared.  it's gonna be a long one.


I'll start with the "deeper" half of the post first.  And then I'll end on a lighter note =)

Recently, I've had a myriad of emotions swirling about inside of me at any given time.  They aren't necessarily bad, though.  For example, I wrote this status on facebook the other day as I was at the dog park.  It is one of my favorite places to think, pray, talk to myself (or have other hypothetical conversations with people...don't deny it, you've done that too...)

Walking down sun-mottled trails, sky tinted golden in the early evening. Sound like rushing water tickles my ears...it is the slight breeze lifting and shaking the leaves. Happy, prancing dog by my side. smooth, packed dirt beneath my bare feet. I love this moment.

I was walking along, and suddenly just stopped and listened. and what I heard, and the things I saw in that moment, almost brought tears to my eyes for the beauty of it all.  (I get brought to tears fairly easily for seemingly pointless things).  I was so overwhelmed by the moment that was obviously provided to me from God...everything else (all the other emotions of life) seemed so distant.  It is like those romantic scenes in a movie where the two people are in a crowded/noisy place, but when they look at each other, all the other noises fade, and in that moment it is just the two of them.  

I don't even know what emotion this is.  is it happiness?  nah, it's something more.  Is it joy?  Maybe.  Contentment?  getting closer.  Maybe it's a delightful combination of the three.  

Emotion #2: sadness.

 That really doesn't describe it adequately...but it's the only word I could think of.   you know the feeling when it kind of hurts in your throat or somewhere else inside of you?  oh yeah...your soul.  the feeling of not being able to change the circumstances, plastering on a smile, but inside you're saying, "Noooooo!!!"  yeah...i find myself there a lot when in this situation.  

explanation:

I have realized something about myself.  No matter where I go...no matter what I'm doing, I will connect with people.  It is one of the greatest things about being who I am...and one of the worst.  Everyone else in life seems to have learned that people come and go.  So when they go, that's it, they just move on. (and if it is hard for them, they certainly don't show it).  I am not like this.  I work in a place for FIVE MONTHS (only 300-some odd hours), and already I feel connected to people.   

Basically here's what's going on.  in the past three months, five of our cooks at work have either left or will be leaving in the near future for other jobs.  Part of me is really happy for them!  they're moving on, trying new things, learning more skills etc...  But the other part of me is really, really sad.  Most likely, I won't see them ever again.  I really don't like the thought of  not seeing someone ever again.  I mean, honestly...I consider myself friends with some of these guys.  I don't go out drinking after work, so most of my get-to-know-you with my coworkers is in the workplace during slow hours.  And you'd be surprised what all we talk about through the kitchen window.  families, relationships (the three I feel closest to all have pretty serious relationships, so I get asked advice a fair amount), work drama, hobbies, music likes/dislikes... oh, and don't forget the discussions/arguments/debates/etc...about how much Suzy loves Jesus. (Seriously, not a shift goes by where they don't good-naturedly tease me or ask tough questions about my faith).

 I always love the shifts where I come in and see them prepping.  I can already tell that the night is gonna be good. 

And now they're leaving.  It makes me really...sad.  I feel a loss, and I've only known them for a few short months.  I guess I just have a hard time with the concept of crossing paths with someone so briefly...sharing part of your life (no matter how small or short)...and then just uprooting and moving on.  What was the point?  Why invest in people if you'll never see them again?  This is a common theme in my life.  Every time I go somewhere, I tell myself I won't get too connected this time.  I'll just go in, work, leave.  but inevitably, I make friends (good ones at that)...and then either I leave or they leave.  *sigh*  I know it's life.  I know it'll be a sign maturity or whatever when I can handle it all with grace and without emotion.  and trust me, unless those guys read this, they'll probably never know that knowing them and them leaving impacted me this much.  I can hide it well.   But inside, there is a dull throb in my soul.    

Thanks for letting me share that.  If you're like many people I come in contact with, you're shaking your head, wondering why I waste so much good thinking/typing space for something so petty.  you might feel sorry for me that I get so attached to people.  maybe you can relate. who knows. but welcome to a little slice of how my mind/heart works. all the time.  

Emotion #3: AHHH!!!!! YAY!!! *insert giant smile that won't go away* (not sure the technical term for that one...but you know you've felt it!)

I was sitting in church and got REALLY excited the other day when I discovered that I like it here.  I like this church community.  I feel like I have a place, I belong, people care if I'm there or not, and the Spirit is doing some great things with us.  You may be wondering how it took so long, given that I just told you I get attached fairly quickly.  Well I loved my Altadena church family so much.  I didn't want to come here and have to fit in and like it.  I wanted to have an incentive to return to california (psh.  as if I didn't have a million already).  So here I was, sort of getting to know people, but not really taking advantage of all of the opportunities I have had to bond with them.    Until now. 

So...I'm making friends.  real friends.  the kind that I don't want to leave.  I am excited that I'm going to be here in the months to come, so that we can all hang out and do stuff together.  Last night, after Bible study, we went to a family from church's house.  we celebrated one of the girls' birthday, and then went into their music room and sang.  It was amazing.  one of the songs, I was listening more than singing, and it came to me, God is here. And wherever God is, there is also blessing, peace, contentment and giddy excitement for what is happening and what is to come.  at least there is for me =) 

On to the next section!  PICTURES! 

 Yay for summer and corn on the cob!!

 Jim just got a piano for his birthday!  Not only does Karlina love playing it, but Auntie enjoys plunking around on it too, from time to time. 

 One day I was really upset with Sierra.  She was being ornery, destructive and just too much puppy for me to handle.  So I kind of ignored her most of the day.  She could tell I wasn't happy.  So that evening, I'm sitting on the couch with my hand next to me, and she jumped up, curled up by me and put her paw in my hand.  It was so sweet.  I gave her a hug and all was forgiven. 

We went to Mall of America one day when it was rainy.  It was less about shopping and attractions for Karlina.  She was content trying out doors and looking through fences with her "be-bee."  Mr. Ender was just chillin in the stroller...didn't make a peep the whole time.  

 This is a delightful work of art one of my regular guests made out of a wine bottle and two dinner menus (which are rather large).  The wine bottle is in a cooling jar, with the two menus balanced on top.  She was very proud of herself, so we took a picture.  See why I love my job?

 These are my dear, sweet friends, Chaz and Crystal.  We went to a park in St. Paul for their "Remember the Titan's" night.  The Rec center at the park set up a whole game night with the kids in the community.  They had jump houses, rock climbing wall..and for the older boys, had football-boot-camp type exercises.  To cap off the evening, they played the movie "Remember the Titans" out in the middle of the park.  It was so neat to see the community get together and invest in these kids' lives.  

Last weekend, my cousin Tyler and friends Kaitlyn and Brandon came to visit me!! It was so much fun!

 Ty and I out at the Happy Gnome (such a fun little foody place)

 My dear friend Kaits and I.  Always love spending time with her!

 Heidi came and met us part of the day. She knew all of them from volunteering at Gateway this summer.  

Discovered my new favorite game, Banana Grams (I've owned it for over a year now, but still hadn't played it!) Anyone who wants to take on the challenge...let me know.  I love word games!

 Ender is growing up SO fast!  I love it.  He's such a cutie and is always full of smiles and giggles! 

Nutella:  Super delish.  Super messy.  It is what Karlina gets for a "snack" or "treat".  Normally I spread it on a rice cake.  But I had some leftover from what I was using to dip my pretzels in, so I gave the dish to her.  Boy, was that fun!

 Licking it clean!

 "Ah-dun, Ahn-tee!"  (All Done, Auntie!)  One happy little girl, right there!  

 When we go outside, she'll often go sit on Simon's running board and say "Ahn-tee, go!"  or she'll just look at things.  She likes Simon.  

   Baby? check.  Sunglasses? check.  What a diva!  On our way out to the mall for the morning to walk around...she didn't take them off after we got there. She'd walk around, and occasionally lift them up to get a better view of something and then push them back on her nose.  AH!  i tried not to laugh, but it was so hilarious! 

Alright...hope that suffices all of the "anonymous" promptings to post! 

Blessings on your day...I'll be back again soon, I hope!