absence makes the heart grow fonder.

Right?  I mean, blog-posting absences make you want them all the more! 

or maybe at this rate of posting blogs, I may just lose my audience. whoops.  it's a 50-50 chance, I suppose.

But c'mon...you gotta cut me a little slack.  I'm blissfully engaged, I'm working two (and a half) jobs AND winter is fast approaching.  All good reasons for why I haven't written sooner.

Hmmm...so much to say.  First of all, engaged life is all I expected and more! Never realized how comfortable and normal this stage of life would feel.  I kept waiting for this life-changing, world-turned-upside-down feeling.  And it hasn't happened.  I mean, don't get me wrong...life IS different.  Things HAVE changed.  But it feels like a natural extension of my life.  Like this is what was supposed to happen next, so it just flows.  I am also blessed that he lives so close to me and we can spend as much time as we do together. 

And for those of you who have been married and want to impart your advice about how its not all candy and roses...let me put your mind at ease.  We are aware of that.  We have had some discussions already where we had different points of view and took a lot of time and energy to sort through it...and we've both come to the conclusion that relationships are a lot of work.  But it's totally worth it =)

p.s. keep your eyes open for a surprise on my blog in the near-ish future (near future is a relative term when it comes to my blog)

On to other things. 

wow...Just realized it is PAST thanksgiving and now we're almost to DECEMBER!  Crazy.  I guess the second half of my blog will be pictures and commentary!  enjoy!

The weather has gotten a little cooler.  Then gotten warmer, then cooler again.  But it means more bundling up!  

 Bathtimes are so much fun!!

 Last week we got our first "snow"...and it was beautiful. And it didn't last.  The next few days were 60!  

 Miss K walking around in mini loaf pans!  so cute. 

 BRRRRR.  it's getting SO COLD! 

Sierra enjoying the first snow.  Her inner half-husky came out for sure!  she loved it!  (which doesn't bode well for me.  Thankfully I'm marrying a guy who LOVES the cold and snow. So he can take her out in it!) 

Since I don't take her out as much when it's cold, she tends to do things like this.  I was napping and she was shredding my pink tissue paper.  And any other kind of paper she could find.

 This is Kavya.  Karlina loves her.  as is apparent in this picture.  

Ben was working on something in his garage, and Sierra just loved being by him and watching him.  She really does like him...and it's totally a bonus that he likes her too!  

 

 On one of the 60-something days, we went to the zoo!  Most of the animals were inside...The Lions looked fake, they were standing so still! 

 Karlina loved it!

 Such a cheeseball

 He's always so content just to sit in the stroller and take in the world!

 They are such a delight in my life!

 such a little munchkin!

 Miss K looking cute on the fake giraffe!

 I love how she crosses her feet when eating.  Gotta love the nutella on rice cakes!

 Enderpants playing with toys!

 YES!  he loves the kids and they love him!  This totally made my day!  

Spent the majority of Thanksgiving day at work!  Normally I'm at CVE in Mexico...this is the first time in 8 years I haven't gone.  It made me sad...there were tears...i was wistful...but then decided to make the best of it!

 Karen and I were an expo team!

 The kitchen!

 Team of wonderful cooks! 

 One of my managers, Jeremie.

 Everyone just hanging around waiting for the people to arrive.  

 Me busy working!

 Then when I got home that night, it was so pretty with the lights and snow.  

oh yeah, it snowed again last night...

 Not a ton, but still really pretty!

 Sierra loved it! 

So even though my Thanksgiving was spent differently, there were still a ton of blessings and things to be thankful for!  I have a job, which is nice.  But in addition to that, I went back over to Ben's family's house after work and hung out there.  They had an eclectic group of people over and it was nice to just hang around, play games, talk and enjoy each others company!  They had delicious leftovers for me too!  I wrapped up the evening going driving and looking at early Christmas lights and city lights by the river with my man.  

it was a good day.  

Well, I'm needing to go on with my day...so I shall leave you now. But hopefully I will return soon!

=)

Who'da Thunk It

"Suzy, you might just move to Minnesota and get married! What about that one guy, Ben D? You could marry him!!"

"Yeah, that's never going to happen.  I don't even think we're gonna be friends, much less get married!" 

That is a snippet of an actual conversation that I actually had with an actual person before I actually moved here and ate those words...actually.  

So I suppose you'll want the story.  There are many versions.  But here is my favorite one:

One January back a few years, a teenage girl (complete with braces and in the midst of her awkward stage) went to the train station to pick up two boys.  One was visiting the other from a long ways away. And when said visitor saw the girl, his attention was immediately drawn to her and his curiosity piqued.  

Girl doesn't remember meeting him. at all. 

(It was not exactly what we romantics like to call a "meet-cute")

Summer of 2009, the girl went to his home state to visit family.  There was this random canoeing trip where this boy and his dad and brother showed up.  He didn't make much of an impression and seemed overall quiet and shy and not really "her type."  (Who decided this whole thing about "types" anyway? silly notion.) 

Fast forward to January of 2012.  This same girl (sans braces and a little less awkward) feels prompted by God to move to the frozen northland of Minnesota to help out her brother and sister-in-law with their impossibly cute children.  She moves thinking that this will merely be a season in her life and she most likely won't stay.  While she wouldn't have minded getting married at some point, she was learning to be content in the season of life God had her in at any given moment.  

The girl ended up going to the same church as the boy who had come visiting California all those years ago.  She still thought he was quiet and shy and that her bubbly and outgoing personality probably rubbed him the wrong way.  They saw each other at church, had polite conversations and hung out in the same circles on occasion.  

And that was all there was to it. For a little bit anyway. 

Then it happened. 

 "It" being a fateful game called Words With Friends.  

(Folks, this is a dangerous game...things like marriage come from it.)

They started playing the game with each other and using the chat-box feature to have random conversation about strategy and the vocabulary words they were using. (The boy is really smart and beat the girl soundly on multiple occasions.) The topics got a little more in depth and they talked more often in person and through some emails. They discussed how different their personalities were and how God had done amazing things in their lives.  Each conversation they had revealed a new side of the boy that the girl had never seen before.  And a true friendship was formed.  As time went on, however, she was continually impressed by the boy and began to love what she saw.  He seemed to be fitting all the important standards she had for a future mate.

She did a lot of talking to God about it.  Talked to her parents and a few friends too to get some advice and wisdom.  Ultimately, she appreciated the boy's friendship above all else and wanted to keep things on the up-and-up.  

The summer passed with both of them learning new things about God and discovering that He had been preparing them both separately for this.  The two of them mutually decided to step back, take a little time not talking.  During this time (which was the longest, worst [and best] week in their relationship), they each felt that God had been working and that they were, to put it simply, MFEO (Meant For Each Other).  

And the rest is history, as they say.  

Sure there are more details sprinkled along the way.  But the long and short of it was: Neither Ben nor I expected this.  Neither of us could have made it happen on our own, even if we had tried.  God was mighty, present and orchestrated the whole process-- and all credit and glory goes to Him.  He is the author of this story...and it is a beautiful one.  We are continuously amazed and feel blessed to be living it out.  

So the boy may have been a little quiet and shy, but...hmmm...well, allow me to quote [paraphrase] a humorous conversation from a kids movie that might be familiar to you to illustrate: (a few details changed to fit the situation)

Me: For your information, there's a lot more to Ben than people think.
Person: Example?
Me: Example... uh... Ben is like an onion!
Person: He stinks?
Me: No!
Person: Oh, he makes you cry?
Me: No!
Person: Oh, you leave him out in the sun, he gets all brown, starts sproutin' little white hairs...
Me: NO! Layers. Onions have layers. Ben has layers. Onions have layers. You get it? They both have layers.
Person: Oh, they both have LAYERS. Oh. You know, not everybody likes onions. What about cake? Everybody loves cake!
Me: I don't care what everyone else likes! Ben is not like a cake.
Person: You know what ELSE everybody likes? Parfaits! Have you ever met a person, you say, "Let's get some parfait," they say, "Oh no, I don't like no parfait"? Parfaits are the most delicious thing on the whole planet!

So maybe he's like a parfait.  Point is...there's a lot more to this soft-spoken guy than what I saw at first (or second) glance, and I love him for it.

And he says my bubbly and outgoing personality is one of the things he loves most about me.  So I guess that turned out well.

=)

Thank you for your love, support, prayers and celebration as we begin this new journey together.  We've already decided that it is an adventure with many unpredictable and exciting things ahead and we're going to enjoy every minute of it!  

And as our engagement theme song goes, "This is [our] story, This is [our] song...praising [our] Savior all the day long!" 

p.s. now maybe my blogging absence makes some sense.  I was a little *ahem* preoccupied with other things!  

the air on my skin...

...and the world under my toes"

That is one of my favorite lines from one of my favorite songs... here's some more of it.  I don't know why I like it, actually...but I do.   

People walk around pushing back their debts
Wearing pay checks like necklaces and bracelets
Talking 'bout nothing, not thinking about death
Every little heart beat, every little breath

People walk a tight rope on a razor's edge
Carrying their hurt and hatred and weapons
It could be a bomb or a bullet or a pen
Or a thought or a word or a sentence

There ain't no reason things are this way
It's how they've always been and they intend to stay
I don't know why I say the things I say,
But I say them anyway

But love will come set me free
Love will come set me free
I do believe

 I apologize for my absence as of late.  Among other things, I started a new job!  This would be a third job for me and pushes my weekly hours of working to a nice 50-60 =) It definitely keeps me busy, but I love it.  I work at an elementary school about 10 minutes from my loft on the west side of St. Paul.  I love it because it is a school that has a lot of ethnic diversity and has kids on the precipice of a rough road ahead.  I know that is a strange reason to love it...but one of my passions are kids who come from broken or poor homes, who feel the need to prove to the world that they are not forgotten...which usually manifests itself in negative ways.  The 5th graders I've had the pleasure of working with are no exception.  I hear these 10-11 year olds say things that I never would have dreamed of saying.  The names they call each other, the knowledge they have of very adult-themed things...it amazes and saddens me.  And as exhausting, frustrating and ridiculously long my days with them seem, I thrive on touching these lives in some small way.  

Today one of the boys was having an attitude and I was being pretty straight forward with him, telling him to follow instructions and that I wasn't messing around and just because I'm pretty new doesn't mean he can disobey me.  He was NOT happy, and let me know.  During art class, I crouched by his table and said, "Look, Jesse, I've only worked here a little bit but I already know you have it in you to be an awesome kid.  So when Miss Brie asks you to do something, i know you can do it. "  He replied with, "Nuh-uh!  I'm a bad kid, and I don't behave and I'm terrible at art."  I insisted that wasn't true and that I had seen otherwise.  He told me, "Well the only kind of art I'm good at is graffiti."  So I asked him to show me what he can do during free sketch time.  So this is what he created.  

He was very proud of it and ended up giving it to me at the end of class.  I could see that not only did he like that I asked and appreciated what he could do, but that he had a budding talent and that it could be used for good.  

All that to say, I am enjoying it.  Not sure how long I'll be there, but it definitely speaks to my heart.  

Alright, on to more pictures and exciting events of the past weeks!

Karlina and her chips!

 kidlets swinging!

Miss K lookin cute and crazy!

Ender loves the swing...and especially loves trying to eat it!!

 

Pretty fall view of train tracks =)

My dear sweet friends heather and tasha came to visit me last weekend! it was so much fun to have girl time and hang out and catch up!

We went to one of my favorite lunch places here in St. Paul called the Cheeky Monkey.  It is delicious. And anyone who has visited me has experienced it.  You may want to come visit me, just to experience it too =)

MISS KARLINA TURNED 2!!!!

Karlina and her buddy Don K. 

K's bday was Puppy themed.  So she had a rice-crispy treat, bone-shaped "cake."  (She's gluten free, so it was perfect!)  And a little puppy-bowl full of gf brownie "kibbles."  And her own personal puppy standing nearby like he always is. 

 

 She was SO excited and loved the celebration!

The candles really captivated her, and she just crouched down and would look at them with this awed grin on her face.  

 Don K told Miss Karlina to eat the "bone" like a puppy.  So she happily complied.  it was so cute! 

Whenever she's wanted a piece of the leftover "cake" she says: Auntie, puppy bones pleeeease!

 Opening up her gifts. Lots of puppy-themed gifts.  

This is her showing her new car with a puppy that rides in the back seat.  Just like Auntie! (my puppy rides in the back of my car too!)

 

 

Here's my only new picture of Ender!  He loves bath time. and I don't think his eyes can get any wider!! 

 

This is Karlina's newest play-spot.  The other day, she disappeared and i heard her talking to herself somewhere.  I went in the kitchen and found her here.  She opens the corner cupboard and makes a little fort with the doors and then sits in there and plays "cooking" with the random dishes and such.  

 

 I love her.

So there's a little update on my life.  Stay tuned for more exciting events to come....

I mean, afterall, it DID snow today. 

WHAT?! yes. i did say snow.

I was hoping it would wait a little longer.  But it appears to be the beginning of the end.  One of my besties keeps reminding me how amazing winter is and that I'll just love it too.  

I'm looking forward to that. -ish.

=)

the card.

It was a beautiful day at Biola University.   Part way into my Spring Semester, and I was having some roommate struggles, some classmate/group project struggles.  I was dealing with some stuff at work...and all of those things were clouding my otherwise blessed life. I had just finished up at chapel and so I went to check my mailbox... and I found a little card in with my mail. 

Top is the front, Bottom is the back.  

At first I thought it was some sort of promotion or advertisement, but there was absolutely no other words or symbols on the entire thing. 

It was really cool, but i figured they put one in every mailbox and so I smiled to myself at yet another reason why going to a Christian University was so cool-- and stuck it in my pocket.  

Later that day, I remembered it and thought about how some of those words had described me recently and I needed that reminder that I was loved despite all my insecurities and circumstances.  

it was, as they say, "perfect timing."

I later asked my roommate if she got one. 

She hadn't.  

I asked a few other people randomly over the next few days...I met one or two who had, and several more who hadn't.  

One of my friends worked in the mail room and said that someone came into the mail room with them, told them that they had prayed over the cards and wanted to stick them in random people's mail boxes, trusting that they would go to people who needed them.  

That made it even more special.  It was "luck of the draw", and I had gotten one of the cards with such a simple yet impacting message. 

I stuck it in my truck, where I could see it, and there it has been for about two years.  

Early this summer, I went to get Simon washed and cleaned inside and out.  When I went to pick him up at the end, I got back in and as I was driving away, I noticed that my card was gone!  

I looked all around, and couldn't find it anywhere.  (that sounds much more tame than it actually was.  I scoured the truck.)

I felt this unexpected emotion rise up in me.  It was a sense of loss and sadness and a kind of emptiness.  I had come to expect that little pep-talk to be there every day, reminding me of a greater truth...and now it was gone.  Bummed, I called my dad and told him about it.  He remembered the card right away.  In fact, anyone who has driven or ridden in my truck knows about it.  He said to me, "Suz, I know it's frustrating and sad to lose something like that.  But God gave it to you in a time and for a season when you really needed it, and he will give you something else for this time and season.  Look for the next gift he will give you."  

If I'm being honest, I'm not sure if I ever found something tangible for this season quite like the card.  And as time passed, I forgot about the card, and the place it sat in my truck didn't look so void and empty.  

Recently, I have been really wrestling with some things in my life.  Expectations, misconceptions, things that aren't turning out like I planned--which has lead to several of the emotions/thoughts that were on that card.  I have been trying to find answers from God.  Specific answers that would help clear up some of the things I was facing.  

I was crying on my way home from somewhere one afternoon, singing songs loudly (which is what I do when I'm frustrated or confused or need to let out excess emotion).  When I parked, I opened my door and then just paused and put my hand on my steering wheel and rested my head on my arm.  I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, readying myself for the next thing in my day.  When I opened my eyes, I caught a glimpse of something in the side pocket of my door.  

It was the card!  My card!  

Somehow in all of my frantic searching of the truck all those months ago, I had missed this corner of this pocket.  

I got a huge smile on my face as I read the words on the front again, identifying some key ones I had been feeling.  Then I turned it over and read the simple reminder. 

"Remember...I am loved every second of the day."  

 

A rush of warmth, peace and comfort filled my soul.  It was like looking in the face of an old friend.  Gratefulness filled my heart as the obvious realization that this was a classic example of "perfect timing."  

There were no clear-cut answers written in the sky.  No specific directives.  But that was ok.  The issue that needed addressing wasn't the guidance I was seeking.  It was that I was feeling all of those things and I needed a core truth.  The rest would fall into place when the time was right.

That card was gone for a season...and brought back at just the right time, so I wouldn't take the message for granted, but rather could hear the simple truth and know it in my life in this moment.  

 Now the card sits back in its rightful place.  

Not only is it special because of what it says, but it has a story... it has an added depth and is a constant reminder that I am loved, cared for and remembered.

If you ever borrow Simon or come take a ride with me, you'll see it there and you can smile with  me about how perfectly God planned this way back when it was in a stack of cards being prayed over and stuck in random mailboxes at Biola University.  

So,  When you feel...

ugly. inadequate. hurt. unlovable. betrayed. unworthy. down. sad. torn. devastated. grieved. weak. abandoned. broken. lost. sorrow. heartache. wretched. 

Remember...

I am loved every second of the day. 

fall.

The title may look simple enough.  But MY GOODNESS.  my insides are screaming:  FALL!?  WHAT IN THE WORLD HAPPENED TO SUMMER!  SINCE WHEN DO WE HAVE TO CHANGE SO DRASTICALLY OVERNIGHT!?  LITERALLY OVER NIGHT!  AHHHH!!!  

ok I'll be done with the caps.  Seriously though.  Yesterday it was 80.  Today it was 52 and the perfect description of blustery.  kind of overcast, kind of patchy blue skies occasionally.  brisk wind blowing all the yellowed leaves onto the ground.  Nippy air.  Cold chapped fingers and lips.  

It's kind of fun.  Kind of.  Until I realize that this is just the beginning of a VERY long 6-7 months.  An amount of time I'm not sure I'll survive.  Oh look at me, being all dramatic.  *sigh*  I suppose I'll survive.  But you have to understand, I'm surrounded by people who are in love with this time of year.  and when I say in love...I mean it.  They "ooh" and "ahhh" and give me lists upon growing lists of why fall/winter is so fantabulous.  They tell stories and give me tips and pointers.  They take every opportunity to rub it in that this season is fast approaching and it's the best. thing. ever.  

I think it's supposed to convince me to think like them. but in reality, it makes me want to dig in my heels and REBEL!!!  I will NOT like winter.  I will NOT like the cold.  I will FOR SURE buy me a sun-lamp and a wall-to-wall beach poster and a lapping-wave-sound-machine.  

In preparation for this magnificent (?) time of year, I bought me some gloves with fingers that can still text on my phone!  This is my favorite purchase so far.  I mean, seriously. the worst part about gloves is that you used to have to remove them to do anything on a touch-screen phone.  BUT NOW...with geniuses using their minds to create new and wonderful inventions...I can keep my dedos warm AND use my iPhone.  brillllllllliant!

 

Alright. pictures.  

 

So these lovely bugs are called....ugh, i actually don't remember. But they are black and orange. They fly. Kind of.  They mainly sit in clumps on white surfaces.  

JUST GOOGLED IT.  boxelder bugs.  bleh.  They're like Junebugs in CA.  

Everywhere. All the time. clinging. walking. flying. nasty. 

Miss K loves giving Sierra hugs.  She sits on her back and just cuddles her.  Sierra lets her...so that's good.  

Oh this delightful puppy.  Who can contort into weird shapes.  She's crazy. 

 Case in point.  She apparently did not like my late band's first album. 

 Love these fall days with the kiddos.  This one was warm enough to be barefoot...pretty sure that's changed for good now. 

 Here we are waiting for Simon to get his oil changed.  I'm not even going to say how long it's been.  Every time I would get in and drive I'd think that maybe I'd blow up.  (not quite sure what happens when you don't change your oil for.... HA. you thought I was gonna tell you how long. too bad.)  But now I can drive safely without fearing for my life.  And poor Simon is finally in good health. 

 This past week a family from church was helping their neighbors host a Cross Country Pasta Dinner.  I went over to lend my services.  As it turns out, I didn't do much...but it sure was fun to be included in this event.  I can't really explain it, but being a part of these people's everyday lives/events makes me feel more at home...

Anyway, these are all the shoes in the front entry way.  It was quite the sight. 

 Karlina trying on Mommy's high-heels.  Krissa always wears the highest heels and walks so well in them.  Karlina was having a bit of trouble...but felt very proud of herself.  

 She wanted to do all these things with the heels on.  Apparently it made her feel grown up.  One of the things she wanted to do was kiss Ender.  You can see him pre-cringe and her barely able to balance.  Thankfully the kiss happened without her head-butting him.

 Oh the leaves.  This is one of the glorious things about the changing of the seasons.  I can't get enough!  I love driving places and looking at all the colors.  In fact, I sometimes drive past my destination and go around the block or something so I can see more trees.  So beautiful. 

 This is the entrance to the dog park.  Today was so glorious there.  Cool and windy with brilliant colors. 

 This is a branch that extends a foot or two past each dog's mouth.  They were having so much fun playing tug-of-war.   As I watched them I tried imagining why pulling as hard as you could on a branch using just your mouth would be this much fun.  hey...whatever floats their boat, eh?

 sky and clouds. 

Birch trees (at least I think that's what they are)

 

 

 See how beautiful it is!?  I absolutely love coming here and walking, singing, thinking and praying.  

So maybe fall isn't too bad.  I am learning to enjoy each day for what it holds...and not think too far into the future.  =)

Tune in soon for a post about the deeper thoughts of life that I've had lately.  =)