california fall.

So it all started a few weeks ago when I decided it would be fun to have a "Fall Party" at our house near Halloween. So the people were invited, the food bought, the activities planned, and this is what we ended up with!

It was a gorgeous October day. high 70's to low 80's. clear skies. gorgeous mountains. All-around perfect day for this get-together.




First was our Pumpkin Carving contest. We split up into eclectic teams (so there were no family members on a team) and we each got a pumpkin and some carving tools and set up at various stations around the back yard.



I just thought this was a super cute and mischievous pic of Tylee. (Who the boys kept referring to as a "he" since her real name is Tyler-Ryan. They said I was cruel for naming her that and that all the doggies at the playground probably make fun of her.)


So here are the teams:


Jonathan, Cody and Joey. No surprise that this team took the longest to complete their pumpkin. Having a current PhD student of engineering on the team really makes for complex pumpkin carving.



This was the dream-team. Bob, Anthony and Garrett. I think Anthony did most of the yucky seed-sorting work. Bob did the initial carving and Garrett just observed and took the credit later.



This was my team (i am not documented due to being the documenter). Justin did a great job drawing on the pumpkin, and Petter helped out with some carving and the seed-sorting. I did the majority of the carving, which is not normal, because i have a rather unsteady hand. But it turned out ok.



This is the final product of this team. A pixelated Pumpkin. I think it won most complex and modern or something like that. It really was clever and well done.




This is our final product. It was a vampire-ish pumpkin. It won most scary and most creative nose/eyes combo.




This team won most original. I wish I had gotten a picture of the back. They had this awesome clown face they were going to carve, but I think by the time the got the majority of it done, there wasn't enough pumpkin to hold it together. so there was a giant hole in it where Garrett is putting his face. Also, none of them wanted to pose for a picture. I think Anthony even ran away and hid behind the garage. =P




We didn't have a before picture on this team, but this is the after product. They won the most Sentimental I think? something about being unique because it wasn't a face, but rather some leaves and a tree or something. They definitely sat there for a long time at the beginning just looking at the pumpkin and hoping some inspiration would hit them like lightening. They also had a fantastic re-movable stem (I think it broke?) but they got a screw and screwed it back on. genius. (David, my dad Tom and Aly)



In between carving, we would make little trips inside to the food table. There are like four different kinds of dips, three kinds of chip things and some veggies to ease the guilt. We do a LOT of eating. And the men do a lot of talking. It's pretty wonderful.



Ty wandered inside and was intently staring at the ground by Garrett's feet hoping he would drop something. Oh and notice how the back half of her is this awkward gray color? well I gave her a bath yesterday, forgot to spray down the dry dirt in the garden and she went and rolled in it. dumb dog.




These are all the ladies who slaved away in the kitchen to provide us with an AMAZING dinner. Seriously, these ladies know how to cook. And if Lynette is involved, you can't not eat. She sorta just brings it to you and coerces you into eating. doesn't hurt the fact that she has these glorious creations that just delight the palate and dance on the taste-buds. it's awesome. (L-R: Lynette, Lidia, Robin and Mumzy/Jody)




Photo Sesh with Natalie. First I just told her to smile



Then she wanted to see it and excitedly yelled, "SILLY PICTURE TIME!"
so we did a silly picture.



Then she said, "Ok now we need a grumpy picture."

she's so cute.

Overall, it was such a great afternoon/evening. Such a sweet group of people. Those teenage boys and I are such a random group. We got in an argument about WWII that lasted much longer than needed, and everyone was yelling over each other. When Anthony tries to get a point across he calls me woman...and then when I throw my hands up in exasperation he says, "Are you mad? Just a little bit?"
And then David has the most expansive repertoire of short-jokes (it really is impressive) which he inserts into the conversation whenever he can.
Pretty sure both of them just enjoy making fun of me for their own personal entertainment.
Around the dinner table, we laugh and share stories and get deep and bond. Not gonna lie, some of my favorite people represented in these pics.
love you guys.

Quote of the night:
"I have gas, but I'm too lazy to get up and move for you all."
(this will remain anonymous even though he probably doesn't read my blog-but seriously, this made me laugh. i love how we've reached this level of chill)

sugar and spice and all that's nice

I love child-care...I really do. Mainly because the little darlings are so adorable and say the cutest things. (and the most frustrating things... that end up being cute too!)

Last night, I was babysitting my cousin's two kids. They are 4 and 1 and both super cute. big sister has an expansive vocabulary, and loves talking. little sister toddles around, expressing her opinion in some noise which I'm not even sure I can put a name to. She has gorgeous blue eyes and the cutest smile. Oh...and she enjoys running around naked when given the chance.

big sister wanted me to play Rapunzel with her last night (that is who she's gonna be for Halloween), and she wanted me to be Flynn. I informed her that I had never seen the movie and that I wasn't sure how the story went. She says, "Oh that's ok, I'll tell you about it." She then proceeds to narrate the entire story and what I'm supposed to do as Flynn. Sometimes I'd ad lib and she'd throw her hands up in exasperation, "Suzy...Ah! i mean FLYNN. that's not how it goes! you're supposed to stay sleeping and THEN i hit you with the frying pan!"

whoops.

Finally bed-time came (i put little sister down much earlier, she was tired) and there was only a little bit of resistance. because she was unhappy, she wanted me to change her and brush her teeth...but as soon as I started, she insisted on doing it herself, because she is a big girl.

laying in bed, everything had to be just so: two clyde-frogs, orange blanket spread perfectly smooth, all the toy-story friends and a cup of cold water on the night stand. Then she told me about the cousins.
"We have family dinners on thursday...oooh yummmm so yummy. and i get to see Sasha and Fischer!" (she snuggles into my arm and smiles up at me)
"Fischer is just so cute! he's like this big" (she puts her hands about 6 inches apart)
"And then there's Sasha, she's my cousin, i love her. she's like this big." (hands at about a foot distance apart)
"and me...I'm this big!" (spreads her arms wide.)
"I'm the biggest because I'm four, and Sasha is only three. That makes me the biggest girl."

But she wouldn't stop talking, so I thought that leaving the room might help.

A few minutes later I hear the little footsteps,
"Suz, i need you to help me, my blanket got messed up."
we fix the blanket.

few minutes later...footsteps again.
J: "Suz, we forgot something really REALLY important."
Me: "J, you cannot get out of bed any more...it's time to sleep. what important thing did you forget..."
J: "Um...prayers! we can't forget our prayers before bed.
Me: (feeling a little sheepish that I didn't remember that) "You're right. ok lets say prayers, hop back up in bed."
J: "No...we kneel for prayers."

After prayers:
Me: "Ok J, kisses and hugs. i love you...and i love babysitting you!"
J: "I love you babysitting me too! and i love you. goodnight suz!"

So sweet. I realized that while being a parent can be challenging (especially when dealing with an opinionated, articulate 4-year-old)...but this girl has got the sweetest heart. It has got to be rewarding too.

Thanks Bec and John for letting me enjoy your girls. They have been raised well...and are truly sweet little girls. love you all!

for such a time as this.

I used to think of myself as a non-complaining type of person. I mean, my life is basically great. There is no legitimate reason I should complain about anything. But then at work, I realized that I vocalized a lot of complainings about annoyances. And one night I apologized to a co-worker and said, "You know, I'm so sorry...I'm being super complain-y, huh." To which he replied, "actually...you complain a lot."

we were brutally honest friends...

Ok, so I complain. Mainly about a certain point in life I'm at at any given time. Like right now. this awful, uncertain, never-ending (or so it seems) time of transition I'm in. I find myself complaining a lot (mainly to myself as I lay in bed, because i don't have a life. haha just kidding). But I wonder what I'm doing here, and why am I not somewhere else where I could be more useful.

Then tonight, I read Esther.

Man, that girl was a super-star. But she did have a pretty sticky situation.
In short, she was a young virgin in a foreign land that wasn't too welcoming to her people. she ended up becoming part of a competition the king set up to find a new queen (the last one was kicked out because she refused to be paraded in front of a drunk king and his drunk princes-being smart has its drawbacks). this king was volatile, powerful, obnoxious, inappropriate, and border-line bi-polar. But he liked Esther. Because she was beautiful and sweet and bold and overall amazing. Her relative, Mordecai initiated this whole thing up, because he was going to utilize her position to help save her people from destruction.

Basically, he says, "If you keep quiet at a time like this, deliverance and relief for the Jews will arise from some other place, but you and your relatives will die. Who knows if perhaps you were made queen for just such a time as this?” (esther 4:14)

And she takes this situation seriously, does some crazy bold things and ends up saving her people. (you really should go read it...fantastic story)

That phrase though, echoes through my head...

...for such a time as this.

Maybe God knows what he's doing.
Maybe this is exactly where I'm supposed to be.
Maybe there is a reason I'm here.
Maybe I'll be able to see that reason, maybe not.

But what I do know, is that where I'm at in life is never a mistake. I want to be bold, and intentional in each season of my life, no matter where I'm placed. Even if it looks dim and never-ending and as if I have no real purpose.

Because God will get his work done, with or without me. That much is clear by his MO. but why not be open and willing to be used by him in this place and time where he has put me. I doubt I'll be saving any nations from destruction...but hey, I'll settle for encouraging a stranger on a bus or loving on a kid I'm babysitting.

look at your own life. wonder why you're here? does what is ahead of you seem daunting or cause feelings of fear to grip you? do you feel unworthy or unusable? do you wonder if God even knows you exist?

...for such a time as this, you are here. take courage. press onward. whether it seems big or small in your eyes, rest assured that in God's economy, things work a little different. the "smallest" thing may be the final detail that works into a plan much larger than we could ever imagine. We won't understand it til Glory (and even then, we probably won't care).

So take heart. there's a reason you are where you are, and are doing what you're doing. seek God in all that you do, and he'll direct your path to figuring out what it is.

Out of the mouth of... kelly

Kelly is a little 4-year-0ld girl at our church. She is bilingual. she has a very large vocabulary, but it is a mixture of words she knows only in Spanish, and some only in English. And sometimes, grammar is lost in translation. Her mom asked me to speak to her mainly in English, since she hears mainly spanish at home.

Today at church:

"SUSY! Nally (natalie) just say 'Puke!' Que es puke? i dunno what is puke!"
She looked so distressed, because 3-year-old Natalie was giggling like she had said something naughty. I was slightly unsure how to describe puke and throwing up (and had forgotten the word in spanish), and didn't really feel like having the conversation anyway. So I called Natalie over and said, "Kelly and Natalie, Puke is yucky."
Natalie kept smirking, but Kelly got a serious look on her face and shook her head and solemnly said, "puke is yucky? we don't say yucky things!"
To which I replied, "That's right...let's not talk about yucky things right now, ok Natalie? We're only going to talk about nice things."
Kelly nods her head and says seriously, "Yeah...nice things...like hmm...Butterflies!"
I held back a smile and said, "Yes...butterflies are a very nice thing to talk about."

A few minutes later I feel her tugging at my skirt again and looking at me with a slightly confused face, "Susy, Nally wanna play chase. What is chase?" (Natalie is standing a few feet away, with that "I'm gonna run, come catch me" look on her face)
I told her, "Chase is where you run after her...but you can only play chase outside, ok?"
Kelly confirms, "Outside? running? ok!"

Oh this girl is cute. her smile is contagious. She is a bright spot in my Sunday!

Memoirs of a Psuedo-Mom: Day 3

My apologies for not posting last night...
Yesterday was my last day as a Pseudo-Mom. It was actually quite a nice day. Once again woke up in darkness and readied myself in quick time. On Friday's my aunt watches the 5-month-old of a couple from church. So her daddy dropped her off around 7:00 am. Turns out, this baby is pretty amazing. All the boys gather around her for their morning Evie smile...and boy does she give them out.

Lunches get made (although most of the boys were buying lunch at school, so it lessened the work). Oh, and fyi, Nathan (the youngest) likes his hair blow-dried every morning... Pretty sure I spent more time on his hair than I did my own =) I ended up driving all the kids to school and doing drop offs. (this means I drive my aunt's 12 passenger van...makes me feel like REAL mom).

post-drop-offs, me and Evie go home and I sit her on the Kitchen island in her little bouncer while I do work. She just sits there, and coos, and smiles, and plays with her little stuffed bunny. Seriously, the easiest babysitting job one could ask for. During that time I baked yummy caramel rolls to drop off at Mary's house. Mary is a hairdresser who has been selling stuff for Janelle to her clients. They looked so yummy when they were done that I took one and ate it. shhh don't tell. =)

After making the drop-off at Mary's, me and Evie went home. after a feeding and a clean diaper I laid her down for a nap and then just hung out. It was a super relaxing day. When Evie woke up, I fed her again and changed her diaper and we sat around laughing and chilling. for about 10 minutes.
Then it happened. (I apologize for the lack of pictures. it was graphic)
I think I heard it before I smelled it. or maybe the other way around...it all blurs together now. But that girl made some noise...and some stank. Bless her little heart...she's just so cute! but when she leaked through onto my jeans and sweatshirt...well...she was still really cute. I'm telling you, I have NEVER (and I think I can say that confidently) smelled anything that rank. so incredibly potent.
But little Evie just laid there and smiled and cooed and kicked her pudgy-poop-smeared legs. (it was everywhere...up her back...ugh)

Pretty sure I was using that mommy sing-song voice saying things like, "Oooh this is just sooo gross Evie. whaaat have you done!? i have NEVER seen anything soooo yucky! oooh you're just so cute and dirty! oooh."

she was so happy though. really can't hold it against her. Good solid (or not so solid) mommy experience! I feel fully prepared. or maybe not.

Her Mimi (Grandma Sandy) came to pick her up at around 1 in the afternoon. After picking up the boys from school, We just hung around, played computer, watched a movie and snacked.

When my uncle got home, I packed my bags, gave hugs all around and left. Overall it was a fantastic experience. (aside from getting in a car accident). Even the baby poop didn't scare me from motherhood. BRING. IT. ON.

well...maybe not too soon ;)

Post-mama-life found me attending the homecoming game at my old high school, so I could see all my old class-mates and teachers. It made me miss some of the amazing people I met there...
I got to hang out with my little brother, and found out he was quite popular at high school...we were stopped every five seconds by someone.
"Hey Joe! How ya doin' man!?"
"Joooe oh my goodness i miss you so much!"
"Dude! how's college...it's not the same without you here."
"Heyyy, bring it in...show some love."

seriously...he never told us.


A late-night In-'N-Out run topped off a great week and a great night. I'm seriously gonna miss this place and these people. a lot.


Thanks all, for joining me on my pseudo-mom adventure! =)

Memoirs of a Psuedo-Mom: Day 2

Well, I can happily report that today's events were not near as taxing as yesterday's. In fact, it was quite a pleasant day. This morning, I woke up at 6...and let me tell you that I do not normally fully appreciate waking up while it is still dark out. But I did it anyway. By 7:15 I had showered, dressed, gotten myself some hot tea and assisted (ish) in the making of lunches and breakfast. Actually these boys are pretty self-sufficient and their dad helped a lot too.

As my Uncle Dave walked out the door for work, in walk two boys. Every thursday, my aunt drives them to school...and they show up a good fifteen minutes before we have to leave. and those fifteen minutes are...hmmm how shall we put it...loud? understatement. annoying? that's more like it. chaotic? most definitely.

Allow me to introduce you to them...


On the left is Bear, then his brother Blaine, then Nathan.

Yes. his real name is Bear. They are bilingual, but i'm convinced they don't hear or understand anything I say...English or Spanish. Whew. They walk in the door, kick off their shoes, beeline it to the foam swords and commence with yelling, fighting, stabbing and running through the house. Just gotta sorta tune them out. Cute kids, though.

So we pack into the truck and head off to school. From the back seat I hear,
"Let's play Rock, Paper, Scissors!"
"Ok!"
They start playing and then i hear,
"Rock, Paper, GOD!!!! I WIN!"
"Awww. OK ok ok. my turn! Rock, Paper, HOLY SPIRIT!!!! I WIN MORE!"
"Nuh-UH! God and Holy Spirit and Jesus are the same thing and equal!"
"Ok fine. Rock, Paper, TRINITY!!! I BEAT YOU ALLL!"

oh children. interesting application of God-power.

Then after school, I pick up Caleb, Nathan and Caleb's friend Dylan. we run some errands...had a cashier ask if they were my children. they ran around Trader Joes looking for Coconut Joe. Cuz if you find him apparently you get a prize? Then I wisely bought them lots of sugary treats (which in turn bought me lots of kudos and awesome-cousin-suzy points).
These boys have discovered my distaste with spiders (that is putting it mildly...even fake spiders creep me out). The little angels delight in tickling the back of my neck while I'm driving, throwing a beanie-baby spider on me or in front of me and even rigging a flying spider by taping it to a balloon and doing the whole blow-up-then-let-it-fly-in-my-face thing. I informed them that if they throw the stuffed spider at me while I'm driving, it is going right out the window...no regrets at all on my part. I am determined to find every fake spider in this house (you'd be surprised how many there are) and hide them.

Returning home meant homework, dinner prep and catching up with the cousins.
Nathan randomly asks me, "What is liver plus liver?"
To which I respond, "Um I have no idea.."
"Suzy JUST GUESS!"
"Ok...Double Liver."
"Ugh. No...you don't understand this at all... it's 22!"

Oh. right. my bad.
I guess it's a How To Train Your Dragon reference?

Anyway, all that to say, it was a fabulous day. I got lots of rest, relaxation and nothing went wrong! Day 2 was a smashing success! (gonna be honest though...still can't wait for bed.)

oh...and today, Dylan (who I'm not sure is from a Christian family) told me he prayed for me yesterday when he went with the boys to AWANAs take-a-friend night. so cute. and Caleb tonight at bedtime prayed that all the kids at school could be good and stop swearing. Oh God please care for their sweet hearts.

Memoirs of a Psuedo-Mom: Day 1

I just want to preface day 1 by saying that I am utterly exhausted. and when you hear about my day...you'll understand why. And I am only staying up extra minutes tonight to write this post because I promised you all...and I'm sticking to my promise. But as soon as I am done, I will go to sleep post-haste, because tomorrow I must rise at TOO early an hour. Anyway. On to the day.

Pre-11:38 am
had a leisurely morning at home...got ready for the day, watched part of a movie, packed my bags and departed for Simi Valley. Listened to great music, and arrived...fully rested and ready to work.

11:40-2:17
Me and Aunt Nell bake. and bake. and bake some more. and make dough. and make caramel. and grind nuts. and bake. and cool. and freeze stuff. and bake some more. (i now have her recipes for bread and caramel rolls memorized.) It was fun though. I like working hard, in a rhythm. All the while, we're discussing what will happen when she is gone and I play mom (schedules, meals, homework etc...)

Then post-baking (which really never stops all day, by the way), we pick up the younger boys from school and the older ones slowly trickle in.

Allow me to interject some helpful information here. I shall do a brief bio on each of the boys I am going to be "mothering" the rest of the week. Many of my readers may know these boys...but this is for those of you who don't.



This is Justin. He is 16 years old and a truly gifted musician. He received the honor to go salute the Queen of England in the New Years Day Parade in London because of his superior skills as a marching band drum major. (the reason for all the baking is to fund-raise for this trip). Justin is responsible, kind and has a true heart after God. great kid.



Seth is 14. He has the fantastic red hair and a great sense of humor to accompany it. He always shows interest in my life and my job and will listen to any story i tell him. He also plays in marching band (a mellophone?) Anyway...he's funny, sweet, mischievous and also loves God sincerely.



Jacob is one sweet 12-year-old boy. This kid is the most forth-coming with hugs of almost any boy his age i've met to date. Always has a smile, a joke, a random fact about something and is just overall a brilliant kid. He's tall, lanky and has got a killer smile (which will kill more post-braces!)




The kid i'm related to is on the right. Caleb is 10 years old. I had to put Dylan in the picture too. Those boys are best buddies. and many afternoons will find them around the kitchen table together doing homework. Caleb is such a monkey. He loves to play and is very opinionated and stubborn when it comes to arguing a point (even if he's wrong). I had him in Sunday school for several years and while it takes him a while to open up, he's got a sweet heart.



Oh this child. Nathan is 7 years old...the baby in the family. And somewhere along the line, too many someones fawned over him and now he KNOWS he's adorable. (notice the great chocolate smudge on his cheek). He loves to tag along with his older brothers, loves one-on-one time with me and is at that stage where he's not sure if it's cool to be cuddled and hugged anymore. he's just so cute!

So now that you see the boys...you can picture our days a little more. I help Nathan with homework...and keep on Caleb to get his done. Today also included driving three of the boys to various music lessons and picking them up again. Also the two oldest boys were getting ready for a band recital at their high school. Aunt Nell still hadn't packed for her trip (never got it done until 15 minutes before leaving the house for the airport)...she was making dinner (round 1 of the chicken burned up on a moody grill. literally...fire and smoke. Thank goodness for El Pollo Loco)...she was STILL baking (had to take stuff to the recital to sell)...so i ran around and did all the chauffeuring.

and then it happened.
I was sitting at a green light with Jacob (just getting back from guitar lessons) waiting to make a left hand turn. and I was telling him how i once sat behind a lady who was so cautious that she sat through three light cycles because she wouldn't turn left on a yellow and the traffic never cleared on a green. and as we were laughing about that...there came a clear spot to turn left. part way through the turn I see a little car speeding toward us...clearly not slowing down. I honk...and the rest happened in slow motion. he clipped the back of Simon's bumper and spun us 180.
we yelled.
and pulled over.
i was shaking.
and speechless.
Jacob kept exclaiming, "Woah, dude...wow what just happened. oh my goodness. wow." and as we got out of the car, i said, "i have no idea what to do. and just to let you know I'm going to start crying."

which i did. The lady who lived on the corner came out and gave me a great big hug and comforted us and started talking us through the whole thing, being the mom and general voice of responsibility, since my brain was jostled a bit. She really was an angel...totally just what I needed in that moment.
Police, firetrucks, ambulance and other random people came. In fact, a cop who was in line behind me at El Pollo Loco just a little bit ago was there...eating his chicken...and we recognized and had a moment. They were all very kind. It wasn't my fault and after exchanging info, they let me go. The cop taking my statement said, "You really should start driving safely."
to which I responded,
"Working on it...it really is a work in progress"
I was glad we could joke to ease the tension of the event

YAY PICTURES (for those of you with a morbid curiosity...it's ok. I know how you are)


This is poor Simon. I know you may not think it's bad...but it really was painful to see. Ugh. I can't explain it...but it was just so sad! ha. you think he's a little banged up...you should see the other guy.



Turns out...Simon won. I'm so proud of him. and sorta sad for this guy. he and his friend were in their early twenties... and were driving waaay too fast. (another witness confirmed it). His whole front bumper came off and was laying in the street too.

We had spectators and helpful people who gave hugs and told what they saw. Overall, God had his hand protecting us. I was pretty shaken up...but couldn't stop to catch my breath. Had to run home and eat and then take off for a full night at the recital listening to the boys perform and selling our baked goods. *sigh*

Needless to say, this will take some more processing. and my shoulders and neck are beginning to feel the aftermath as well. Honestly I feel like just laying down and crying and sleeping. oh and a good back massage. And if anyone is nice to me and gives me hugs, I about want to burst out in tears.

As you can see...it was an eventful day. I'm exhausted.
oh and if you want to, join me in sending a little prayer of thanks up to God for his protection ALL the time...even when we don't see it. car accidents always remind me of how many times I'm not in one when i very well could have or SHOULD have been. And also since Jake was with me...I'm grateful he wasn't hurt either. He even got BACK in the car with me later this evening to drive somewhere. bold kid.

Anywho. Day 2 will hopefully be not nearly as eventful. Sorry for the long post. Thanks for reading =)

Announcement.

I know that sort of title generally conjures up thoughts of significant moves across the country, babies, engagements and retirements. But none of those things apply to me. (well, I'm moving, but you already knew that)
So let your breath out. it's not that exciting. Well it is...because literary work is ALWAYS exciting. just not moving/babies/engagement/retirement exciting.

anyway.

I have learned that if I am not inspired to write, I really shouldn't just make stuff up as I go along. Because then I end up with "train of thought in words" type posts. ugh. just embarrassing.

so, the week-long dry spell is up. and it is about to get busy up in here.

First, I would like to share with you a bit of information that delights me. you should know that when I open my fridge (or rather, mumzy's fridge), I am met with a tantalizing array of goodness that makes my taste-buds dance and my heart feel warm fuzzies.

1. hummus. both original and some sort of jalapeno-cilantro something-or-other. but seriously, it is one of my favorite snacks...or meal options. which I pair with my next favorite fridge inhabitant.

2. cucumbers. Call me crazy, but I loooove cucumbers. Mainly only the small japanese ones sold at the little Armenian produce store up the street from my house. (I'm sure they're sold elsewhere...like japan...but i like supporting local stores and tend to be loyal, biased and proud of it.)

3. 100% peach juice from trader joes. I cannot explain to you my love for juice. my mumzy knows to keep some on hand for me pretty much all the time. it really does bless me. and this succulent peach juice is no exception. mmm. like drinking...a peach. delightful.

4. A1. Also one of those things my mom keeps pretty much just for me. I am an A1 addict. pretty sure it goes with almost everything. (well...almost anything). I just love the tangy delicious flavor. I offered it to one customer once when he got his steak and he said, "By offering me A1 sauce, you're saying your steaks are not good just by themselves. a good steak doesn't need A1." And i thought to myself, "friend...EVERYTHING is better with A1." So don't tell the meat experts, but even with a succulent steak i really enjoy a slight dab of A1.

5. dill pickles. told you i loved cucumbers. (sadly, our fridge is out of these right now...) My favorite is the Claussen brand. They are not cooked like most pickles but are made fresh and kept refrigerated. Oh my goodness. fresh, crunchy, salty, flavorful. SO GOOD. mmmmyumm.

now that my mouth is watering...I'm going to move on to the next part of this blog.


Readers Pay Attention: Mini Blog series coming up starting TOMORROW (10/19)
title: Memoirs of a Psuedo Soccer-Mom.
genre: narrative/comedy/drama (really does depend on what happens)
reason: I'm going to be staying at my aunt and uncle's house while my aunt goes out of town. While my uncle wins the bread, I will be playing mom to their five boys (FIVE=5. one whole hand of fingers) ages 7-16. They are good kids...but have BUSY lives. Actually if I'm being fair, it should be titled, "Memoirs of a Psuedo Marching-Band-Mom" because that is what she is. She is one of my heroes for how she manages this family. But enough of that now. I'll go into more detail later.

Please feel free to come back and read about my adventures. Oh...and shoot a prayer up too maybe? Mainly that i can get up at an early hour (!) and keep things organized throughout the day. It has potential to be stressful...but I'm really excited about it!

Wow that font is big. but i'm not sure how to change it back to little. I keep trying and it WON'T WORK! oh well.

two-posts-in-one

I have two things to write about. One is story-like in nature, the other is awesome-God-discovery in nature.

1. Tonight during Bible study, I was struck by a thought that i KNOW i've had before, but got amazingly reminded of again.
You know those times when you are going along the merry way of life and something comes out of left field and just socks you in the gut? Like you get a phone call that someone passed away suddenly. or you find out the girl you were SUPPOSED to marry just got engaged to someone else. or you get the e-mail saying that you didn't get the job you made it to the third interview for. or...well you name it. We've all had those unexpected moments.

and sometimes we even "prepare for the worst" making it the most ridiculous situation thinking that if that is our lowest rung of worst-standard that every other option would be better...only to find out that it IS that blown-out-of-proportion worst.

So where is God in all this? Did life throw him a curve-ball too? Were his plans messed up because someone decided to spend the rest of their life with the wrong person? I mean, it's not his fault people are stupid. But then the awesome little rays of truth shine through the cloud-cover of confusion and questions.

God is not surprised by this. He is not caught off guard. AH! that is so incredible. Just read it again and let it sink in. He isn't up there scrambling for a Plan B that will somehow fit to be a passable second-best option for your life. He knows EVERYTHING. our tiny little pea-brains can't even begin to comprehend this. But we just gotta trust that it's true. He's the safety net beneath us when our little unicycle falls off the high wire. and even when we're confused and lost and questioning and our hearts are broken in tiny pieces...he has got it all and knows exactly what to do with it.

Doesn't that sound like someone you want to trust? I mean, when I was a kid and something went wrong, I ran to my Dad or Mom first. Cuz in my little mind, they had all the answers and could fix anything. Slowly that myth was dispelled, but in it's place they taught me that someone else can do an even better job. And here I am, years later still discovering the awesomeness of that promise. God is so good.

*sigh*

On to part two. (with pictures!)
It was a gorgeous Friday afternoon in Newport beach. I went biking with my parentals down on the boardwalk that divides fantastic beach houses from the stretch of sand and ultimately a beautiful ocean. I cannot explain how happy my heart was. And what a beautiful California/coastal day can do for me. I think I shall one day find myself a beach house.


These are my cute parents holding hands and biking.
SEE HOW BEAUTIFUL THE DAY IS!?




We biked out to this marvelous little bay that had this little stone peninsula with a sand slope named "the Wedge." From whence these amazing waves come and surfers do their thing. So fun to watch. And just about this time, the sun was going down.




which made for some great silhouette shots. (by the way, silhouette is a very challenging word to spell correctly the first time)



Somewhere on the trip to the wedge, however...tragedy struck. unbeknown to any of us, my ID slipped out of my back pocket and got lost along the way. So here I am...going along, taking pictures and NOT knowing what had befallen us.



beautiful sunset.




Listening to marvelous music. while biking. while taking a picture of myself.
multitalentation if i ever saw it.



I too am patriotic when inspired as such.


Very shortly after this point, I got off my bike and realized my pocket felt suspiciously empty. And there discovered the missing license. At that juncture (that is a Eugene word...go Odyssey!), my parents and I split ways and retraced EVERY step...er...wheel-turn? (even the bathroom/stall that we stopped at...we were very thorough)

When I made it back to the starting point, I began to feel sad. I had recently dealt with some license issues and was not ready to have another set so soon! Maybe God is trying to tell me that I really shouldn't be driving.
Then my mom called me and said,

"Suzy you'll never guess! We're riding along and Dad sees a light reflection off of something on the ground. and it was a LICENSE! face down. So we were so excited! we pick it up and it belongs to Gina-something-or-other! WHAT? Who loses a license? maybe she has yours!"

SO CLOSE. but at least i wasn't the only one missing an ID. So i took Gina-something-or-other's license home and mailed it to her with a little note telling her of my false-alarm in thinking her license was mine. it was cute.

Anyway, I sat there and prayed and pondered and such and then this thing of beauty happened to me.

so gorgeous and majestic, this sky. mmmm. and calming too.

Anyway, I decided to wait until thursday to go to the DMV...Just in case it sprouted legs and walked to pasadena.

and today, my mom sends me a text about a mysterious UPS express package. since mail always excites me, I had her open it right then and there. IT WAS MY LICENSE! no note. just popped in the mail!

THANK you God. it was honestly an unexpected blessing. I was fully prepared to go to the DMV and shell out the money for new one.

from now on, I shall hold tight to that thing. and renew it on time. and probably sleep with it under my pillow so no harm can come to it.

journey.

we are a culture that is looking for approval everywhere we go. (and yes, i am a part of this too!) We make blanket statements about things as if they are fact. And whoever sees differently than us is just messed up, or has no sense of music or style or food or isn't a true Christian even.

and then people try to be different and against the norms. and they end up banding together in being different. because no one can stand alone. it is all about looking around and making yourself feel better because you're not the only one. being the only one who holds one opinion is lonely.

but this is just for the trivial things, right?

wrong.

because we don't stop with opinions on music or actors or food.
we do this with people's lives, standards, character, beliefs etc...

"Tattoos are wrong no matter who you are."
or
"Well if I don't believe dancing is right, then it isn't right for anyone."
or
"Anyone who attends that event isn't a Christian."
or
"She isn't raising her children right."

And in these cases, it isn't about standing alone or being right, it is about understanding the journey and being a journeyer.

Maybe the tattoo came from a Jewish Prison camp during WWII.
Maybe dance is a form of worship and art for someone.
Maybe the person attending that questionable event is struggling to find their identity in Christ and being there will cause them to re-evaluate.
Maybe she was beaten and abused and has no way of knowing how to raise children right.

who knows?

anybody who has spent any amount of time having a relatively deep conversation with me knows one of the principles I stand by is this:

Everyone is on a journey. No two journeys look the same. Since only you and God know exactly where you're at in your journey, I cannot possibly judge you for not being at the same place I am at.

but we do it. notice I said "we." I'm guilty of this too. But I am trying to work on it regularly, because I do not want to be that person.

when i am focused on someone else's life and try to make it fit into the mold that has been created for my life, i find so many things wrong with it. and I spend my time trying to find people who affirm that where I'm at in my journey is the "right place to be"

example:
As many of you know, (and the rest of you will soon find out)
Growing up I never went to movie theaters, because my parents thought there were better uses of our time and money. As I got older, I got to the point where I could make that decision for myself. I still chose not to go. This was due to a little thing between me and God. My friends were baffled by it. Not only baffled, though, but downright upset that I wouldn't go. They kept trying to ask me if I thought going to the movies was evil or if i looked down on them for going. I had one person ask the reason and when I said, "because God told me not to." he said, "But...God wouldn't ask you to do something like that."
right. cuz you have a party line going on me and God's conversations.

For a long time i resented it. I thought everyone should avoid movie theaters because I was. Then God was like, Suzy movies aren't sinful. You aren't wrong for not going, they aren't necessarily wrong for going. I called you to this because of things I want to teach you. Stop trying to make them walk a journey i custom made for YOU.

so now I still do not frequent movie theaters. But i also do not look down on those who go. I do not expect them to have the same convictions I do. Because God has THEM on a custom-made journey that might not exclude movies...but something else instead.

I guess all of this was to say, we (in general) tend to feel like holding a belief or standard for our self before God isn't good enough. Everyone else has to believe it or live like it too.
I'm not saying there aren't black and white truths (foundational Biblical truths are unwavering and cannot be compromised on). I am saying that we fill in the blanks in the Bible with what WE think is the proper way to live and expect everyone to be not only on the same page, but on the same exact letter as us.

Too bad God had way too much creativity and love to give us personalities and free will. That combination will make for no two journeys to look the same. And only he knows my heart and your heart and the intentions, brokenness, experiences, hopes, dreams and failures that heart has been through. I cannot possibly begin to judge something so intricate, delicate and beyond my scope.

When I'm looking at you picking flowers on your life-journey while I'm trudging through a little mud, I become ungrateful and complain and question God why you just get things handed to you. But if my eyes are fixed on Him, I'll get the tools I need to help me through the mud and into my own flower field beyond it. Because little do I know that you had just been through quicksand and almost died and you deserve those flowers.

so my goal is to focus on my own journey. because there are enough complexities with my own that I have no real time or energy (not to mention business) nit-picking others'.



the thoughts above are assuming we all at least strive to be true journeyers.

allow me to give you my definition of a journeyer or one who journey's (forgive my pronoun-antecedent agreement issues):
A journeyer does not get stuck in a rut of a mundane life. they live everything intentionally and purposefully. they look at their faults and weaknesses and seek God and the Holy Spirit as means to change, grow and mature. they are willing to talk and be open, and more importantly, to listen. Not only to God, but to their accountability partner, mentor, pastor, spouse... A journeyer isn't one who doesn't have issues. In fact, the exact opposite. they own up to their issues. and make a commitment to change them and learn from them. they do not judge others for being at a different place emotionally, spiritually, physically or mentally.
This is a journeyer.

H8R

There is this new reality show being advertised everywhere, it is called "H8R." From what I gather, it is a show where real people in Los Angeles have utter disdain and hatred for a certain celebrity (it changes every week). It is taped and shown to the celebrity who then faces their unsuspecting hater and spends the day with them trying to change their opinion. The clips they show of what the haters say actually caused me to do a mental double take. they were spiteful, condescending, ignorant and just plain rude. It was snap judgments based on what they saw in tabloids or saw on the news. The host comes on the trailer later and says that people will speak bad about a person when it is online, or a youtube video or in print, but when it comes to facing the person it can be more challenging.

i agree.

and it got me thinking.

Being born separated from God and with a propensity to sin, we are selfish, jealous, envious, manipulative, ungrateful people. Don't say that hasn't described you at one point. I know I have most definitely had those moments where I wish I looked different, or had a different job, or was jealous of a friend's relationship or any number of things. I deal with my insecurities by lashing out (normally not verbally, but inside me) at other people and I highlight their weaknesses
(which just happen to be the same as mine).

How can I do this so adeptly? Well when you live with a weakness for long enough (some of mine span most of my 22 years), you tend to get to know it pretty well. And you can spot it a mile away. And what you disdain about it in your own life transfers into disdain for where you see it in others' lives too.

One commentary on the show (yes, I do my research before writing the blog ;) said it is about "misdirected animosity." (do i need an in-text citation for this? or an annotated bibliography? eh...nah, i wrote enough of those in school. it wasn't my phrase, that's all you need to know!)

anyway, back on topic. misdirected animosity. such a fascinating concept. I remember meeting someone years ago who seemed bitter about life. nothing made her happy, she complained constantly, people were always rude to her (or so she claimed), and she always got the short end of the stick (or so she claimed). Her jokes and teasing weren't funny because they were obviously being directed and influenced by something going on in her life. (through my time knowing her i found out what they were and it made sense)

It made me sad because it betrayed the hurt and brokenness of her heart and the self-disdain she possessed. It is challenging to spend time with someone like that who insists on putting all of these negative things on you (especially when you are of an age where you're still trying to figure out your own insecurities.) But I decided to invest in this girl, press on even though she was determined not to be happy with anyone or anything. It was a challenge, but it didn't bring me down.

Only God knows the results of those encounters I had with her, but for me personally it was a huge lesson. because most of the time I can keep it all inside of me...and no one would ever know that I do the same exact thing. but eventually something will slip out and will be spiteful, and rude and betray the toxic yuck that is beginning to eat away at me inside.
(that sounds harsh and intense and i'm sure you're thinking it doesn't have to be that bad. but it does. because it is a problem that is worse than you or I realize. and while we might be saved and followers of Christ, we are not exempt from the potential effects. Satan will use whatever he can.)

whenever I feel disdain for someone, I am learning to immediately look inside me and see where it is coming from. If I'm open for listening, the Holy Spirit prompts me and says, "Suzy...you're annoyed and frustrated with that girl because she has an amazing boyfriend and a steady job and all her life seems to be falling into place. But you don't hate her. in fact, you love her. it is in those areas of your life that you create "deficiency" and then take it out on her. Your life isn't deficient because you don't have an amazing boyfriend or a steady job. your life is full because you have Me and all the amazing things i've given you."

or when I see someone who keeps making the same mistake over again and it is obviously messing with their life and WHY WON'T THEY JUST GET IT! He gently whispers to me again,

"Oh sweet girl...we just went through this. you feel frustrated with yourself because YOU don't always learn your lesson the first time. or the second time. and you wish you'd just get it. But I have grace for you. Because I know that your heart is to change and grow. And you have no idea if that person has a heart to change and grow and has just succumbed to a weakness like you have time after time. But i love them and have grace for them too. So YOU have grace...for yourself first and then for them."

So I guess this is just encouragement for myself as much as for you. Because I still struggle with this whole "misplaced animosity" thing. And it is wrong. dead wrong. If God, the Almighty creator and King of the Universe, majestic and perfect, can have grace for these people (AND me) then I should at least make an effort.
So much of my time and energy has been wasted on being annoyed with or disdaining people. And it is a very tell-tale sign of the condition of my heart. So I can claim to be the most devout follower of Christ, but my words about others will determine that.

"The good man out of the good treasure of his heart brings forth what is good. and the evil man out of the evil treasure brings forth what is evil; for his mouth speaks from that which fills his heart."
(luke 6:45)

things that make my heart happy.

self explanatory:

the slightest hints of fall sneaking through the sweltering heat of summer.

a comforting hug.

any kind of hug.

little girls who want to play puppies and toy story.

cousins willing to help you out in a time of need.

riding in a convertible with the top down and music up.

heart-to-hearts with good friends.

delightful morsels of food that bring my taste palate alive.

bad kids that i can impact and help.

memories of amazing good times.

realizing (again) how wonderful God is and how patient and sovereign he is.

hand written notes.

unexpected text messages.

clear days and bold mountains.

public transportation.

sunset with a rainbow through it.

thunderstorms when it is almost 90 out.


in case i haven't made it perfectly clear, i live in a pretty fantastic place. no really. i do.
is it strange that i go places and do things and end up finding these perfect date ideas? seriously, if you ever need a date-guide for LA, let me know, because I've been coming up with the greatest repertoire and have pretty much no use for them (there's only so many kinds of date-nights one can go on with her brother or cousin)
i should probably write a little brochure.


that was totally random. my bad.

but...
that is what you get when you mix 12:09 am with my brain.

wait a minute. news flash. it's october already. In fact, i had already posted this blog and now i'm going back and editing it because i need to mention that SEPTEMBER IS DONE.
how is time flying SO fast? seems like just yesterday...

...well too much stuff seems like just yesterday.

i suppose i shall learn to not take these days for granted. my time here is short and i don't want to miss it or let it fly by. cuz before you (or i) know it...i'll be exiled to the siberia of North America for a legitimately interesting adventure. between now and then, i could use suggestions on wardrobe modifications from those who have lived and survived sub-zero temperatures.

until i have something more inspiring or humorous to write...i'm signing off. i just feel bad going too many days without an update =P